Seraphim
by Loneshark
Summary: Set four years after the Third Impact, the Eva team faces new challenges as they are forced to confront the ghosts of their past, and the threat of an uncertain future. Completed
1. Repologue

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 1: Repologue  
  
"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" The door slammed, causing most people in the office  
to flinch. Misato crashed into the chair behind her desk, breathing heavily. She stared at the wall, her hands gripping the armrests. Her nails were digging into the vinyl. She stopped fighting the urge, and pulled the gun from her desk drawer. She aimed it at the wall, but her fingers wouldn't pull the trigger. She knew she shouldn't. She couldn't.   
  
She couldn't afford to pay the repair bills. That's what she kept telling herself. She  
couldn't afford to pay for the damages.  
  
"Commander? Commander Katsuragi?" The timid voice came from outside. The door  
opened without waiting for an answer. Yoshi Iwano was not a brave man. And while he was  
considered one of the most brilliant technical minds of his generation, he was not a man that relied on forethought. He yelped when he saw the gun in Misato's hands.  
  
She looked up at the young man, her face a picture of stress and anger. "What?" It  
sounded like something Yoshi had heard in a nightmare long ago as a child. Something about  
Satan and an evil Charlie Brown...  
  
"Um, well, I think, maybe you should put the gun away, ma'am. Please. Don't point it at  
me?" He could feel himself shrinking back behind the door.  
  
Misato looked at the gun, then sighed, and shoved it back into its drawer. She leaned  
forward on her desk, resting her head on her hands.   
  
"Sorry, Yoshi. Come in, no need to stand in the damn doorway."  
  
"Yes, ma'am." He closed the door, and tentatively walked to her desk. "So, I take it that  
the budget negotiation didn't go well?"  
  
She leaned back in her chair. "It never does. All those tight asses say that they want more  
concrete results before they can approve such a budget."  
  
"Well, ma'am, I'm trying, but there are holes in the research left behind by the Ikaris. And  
figuring out the quirks in the Magi is enough for a team of programers to handle, let alone the few we have--"  
  
Misato waved a hand. "I know, Yoshi, I know. I've been inside the thing, remember?"   
She swivled the chair around to look directly at him. "The Eva's are power, Yoshi. Without a  
pilot to direct it, an Eva is nothing more than an over-powered monster. You probably wouldn't  
have been aware of that until you came here from Tokyo 2, of course."  
  
Yoshi nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I know." God, did he know. His superior's favorite thing  
to do when she was drunk was tell stories about 'the old days,' for all they were worth.   
"Commander--"  
  
"We're just in my office, Yoshi. You don't have to call me that."  
  
"Sorry, it's... Well, I know things have been different around here ever since Fuyutski  
retired... and Ikari disappeared, and the UN purchased the NERV charter from SEELE, but could  
I ask you something? About my predecessor?"  
  
Misato looked at the young man's eyes. They were inquisitive little brown orbs hidden  
behind thin glasses. When he looked at her, she couldn't help but feel that those eyes really  
belonged to...  
  
"You mean Ritsuko Akagi?"  
  
He nodded. "What happened to her, ma'am? It's the one thing you never talk about, and I  
thought that if there was anyway of contacting her, I thought I may be able to put together more  
of what we need to really upgrade the Eva's. I might be able to fully utilize the Magi."  
  
That was the difference between them, she thought. Ritsuko had always been serious and  
cynical. Yoshi was much different from her. He wasn't frightened by the Eva's. He saw only  
bright possibilities where Ritsuko could only see cold probabilities.  
  
Her eyes focused on the picture on her desk. "Ritsuko was committed. The Third Impact  
didn't work for everyone. It was hard enough for Shinji to unravel it. Not everyone came out in  
one piece. The damage that had been done to Ritsuko before Third Impact was something she  
couldn't face, no matter what Ikari's intentions. She went insane. I'm afraid whatever information  
you could have gotten out of her is long gone, Yoshi."  
  
He leaned back, digesting the information. It was true; he'd heard that the Third Impact  
had not worked for everyone. Whatever it was Gendo Ikari had done to try and change the  
world, it didn't completely work. As in everything with life, nothing was one hundred percent.  
  
"I'm sorry to bring it up, ma'am."  
  
She shook her head. "Don't worry. It's ancient history, now." Her eyes widened, and she  
looked at her watch. "Oh, damn! I almost forgot about it!" She stood, and gathered her personal things from the desk, and the papers she would be taking home tonight.  
  
Yoshi watched her head for the door. "Um, Commander Katsuragi, where are you  
going?"  
  
"I have to leave a little early tonight. Don't worry, Yoshi, NERV can take care of itself  
for a little while without me, can't it?"  
  
He laughed a little. "Well, you are our fearless leader. And you still haven't finished those  
reports on the latest synch tests, and--"  
  
"All right, all right, I'll have it in the morning, okay? Just hold down the GeoFront for me  
overnight, huh? Thanks." She walked out of her office, leaving Yoshi in the peace of silence.  
  
He had to sit for a moment and enjoy it. Since he'd come to work for NERV, he had  
quickly learned to enjoy such brief moments. The Commander's constant battles with UN  
overseers, various missions that the Eva's somehow managed to find being thrown in their laps,  
and the temperamental nature of the Evas themselves made the HQ a battlefield by itself.  
  
He leaned forward, and turned the picture around. It was a group photograph of  
Commander Katsuragi, along with the four original Eva pilots. It has been taken almost three  
years ago, right after the UN had NERV recomissioned. They were all smiling, even Rei, which  
was a rare thing. Misato and Asuka both held up their fingers in a "V", and Touji and Shinji stood with their arms crossed, back to back. Eva Team 01 was the official title. Yoshi couldn't help but think of them as heroes.   
  
He'd been about their age now when the Angels came. The Third Impact changed all of  
that. It hadn't ended the world, as Ikari had hoped. His own son had taken it and made it into  
something else. He gave the human race a chance to shape its own destiny. For someone who  
professed a dislike for fighting, he could certainly be counted on when he was needed.  
  
Yoshi turned the picture back around, and quietly closed the door as he left.  
  
***  
  
Shinji resisted the urge. He shouldn't. He was in public, in a decent restaurant. How was  
Misato even going to be able to afford this? She could never handle money. Her spending habits  
were the one thing that could never change. She was probably the one who had changed the least  
of all.  
  
Shinji sighed, and gave in. So what if he was in public? Misato was half an hour late. He  
was bored.  
  
He picked up the dinner fork on the table, tilted his head back, and carefully began to try  
and balance the fork on his nose. If he could look around, he would have seen that people were  
starting to stare. He didn't think about, instead concentrating on the fork. After a moment, the maitre de approached, and asked him to stop juggling the silverware, again.   
  
He took it off his nose, and started to drum his fingers on the table.   
  
There was a small laugh behind him. "You never do change, you know?" Misato  
wrapped her arms around him from behind in a quick hug, and then sat down.  
  
"Hi, Misato. I was just getting bored."  
  
"I know. Sometimes you're still the same boy you were when we first met."  
  
"No. Asuka says I'm not so serious anymore. But then, she's still a pain sometimes."  
  
Misato grinned. "Not that you mind, I bet?"  
  
"Well, uh... So, anyway, what took you so long?"  
  
"Sorry about that. I don't know why you didn't leave. I'd have never stuck around, as  
slow as it was getting here."  
  
"Working late and leaving early again?" He watched her face tighten. "Oh, I almost  
forgot. Another budget meeting with the UN supervisors."  
  
Misato opened up her menu as the waiter set it down. "Sometimes I don't know what the  
hell they expect from us. How the hell are we going to protect their sorry butts if they don't give us the funding we need?" She sighed, and looked up. "I'm sorry, Shinji. I shouldn't be  
complaining right now."  
  
He shook his head. "It's all right, Misato. It's nothing I haven't heard before, right?" He  
looked at his own menu. "I thought we were just going to try and have dinner like old friends do, and not talk about work?"  
  
She sighed. "I know, I know." She looked over at Shinji. He'd gone through a growth  
spurt two years ago. He was a little broader, but still rather wiry. His face still looked like the boy she'd known, but behind that was a strong young man. A leader of elite pilots. If anything had changed, Shinji and Asuka were the ones who had really experienced it. "We barely get to talk anymore outside work. Ever since you and Asuka moved out."  
  
"Not that there was much left," Shinji added. "Anyway, how is reconstruction going on  
that side of town?"  
  
"It's ridiculous. These days we can construct a brand new Evangelion unit in seven  
months, and they can't get one street done in eight. And it's not as if it's a very large development, anymore. Not like it was four years ago. I guess people are still afraid to come back, even after all that's happened. A lot of them still remember the battles. Of course it's not really something anyone could forget." She stopped, finally noticing the nervous look on Shinji's face. "Oh, damn it. I'm sorry."  
  
"No, Misato, it's all right." Shinji cleared his head. "I was trying to avoid talking about it,  
too. But there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about anyway, away from NERV. It's  
about Eva. That's why you're trying to upgrade the old models anyway, right? To prove to the  
UN and to the people that they can be more than just monsters in a cage. So that they'll be  
stronger and more controllable. But, why? What would they be used for?"  
  
She stared at space, thinking. "I don't know, Shinji. The Angels are all dead. But I...  
well, I just have a feeling. There were so many questions left unanswered after the Impact, and  
after Ikari disappeared. We never really know if it's over."  
  
"Nothing's ever over, I think." Shinji took a deep breath, and smiled. "Well, I trust you.   
You don't have to worry about that. So let's eat already. You know how to give a guy an  
appetite."  
  
Misato laughed, and looked over her menu. "You've grown up a lot since those old days.   
But, to me, you're still the same Shinji-kun." The waiter came over and asked for their drink  
orders. "A pitcher of beer for me, thanks."  
  
"And you're still the same Misato-sensei. You're buying, right?" They gave their orders,  
and relaxed. There was a pause as they sat and simply listened to the sounds of people around  
them.   
  
Finally, Misato asked, "So, how are you and Asuka getting along, anyway? You barely  
speak to each other at work unless you're arguing or ordering each other around. Sorry, that's the same thing, isn't it?"  
  
"Asuka says it's so I don't get a big head. We're fine, Misato, really. Every relationship is  
supposed to have its arguments, right? She's not as bad as she was at fourteen, anyway."  
  
"Sorry. I've just never seen 'dumkopf' as a term of endearment."  
  
"Well, what else would you expect from Asuka?"  
  
"I have to admit I'm a little jealous. Especially because of how much she likes to brag  
about things you do."  
  
Shinji's face reddened. "Um, what things, exactly?" He reached for a glass of water.  
  
"Oh, you know. Just things girls brag about." She tried not to laugh. "Like where and  
how long. And the way you squirm when she nibbles your ear."  
  
His face was even brighter as he struggled to not spew water all over the table, and avoid  
choking on it as the same time. Finally, he coughed out the words, "She told you about that?"   
Water had squirted out of his mouth and onto his lap.   
  
She laughed. "You're way too easy!"  
  
After he dried his lap with a napkin, he said, "Misato, you are a wicked person."  
  
"I am?" She tried to look hurt.  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
She smiled satisfactorily. "Well, I am what I am." After a moment, she added, "Oh,  
Shinji?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I only guessed about the ear thing."   
***  
  
"Touji, I thought you asked me over so I could help you study?" Hikari squirmed a little  
as her boyfriend touched a sensitive spot of her back.  
  
"So? We did study."  
  
"Five minutes doesn't--" She was cut off as he kissed her. She pulled away for a breath.   
"All right, but... right here? On the couch? What if someone comes in?"  
  
"Come on, no one's home. Shinji and Kensuke are both off doing something tonight. It's  
just us." Unless, he privately thought, she decided to show up. No, she wouldn't unless Shinji  
was here.  
  
"Mein Gott! What the hell are you doing on the couch?"  
  
Touji jumped, and lost his balance. His arms flailed out as he landed on the floor with a  
loud thud. After thinking of every swear and curse he knew, Touji looked up. Like a vision out  
of a bad, alcohol induced nightmare, Asuka Langley Soryu stood in the doorway between the  
living room and the kitchen, scowling at him.   
  
"W-what the hell are you doing here!" He attempted to push himself up, but his hand  
slipped, and he fell back down.  
  
Asuka rolled her eyes at him. "Idiot." She looked at her best friend. "Hikari, you know I  
try to stay out of your relationship with this dumkopf, but do you really have to do that on the  
couch?"  
  
Hikari blushed, looking down. "Sorry, Asuka."  
  
"What? You don't have to apologize to her!" Touji finally managed to upright himself,  
and glared at Auska. "This isn't even your home, Asuka. And Shinji's not here, so you can go  
away."  
  
"I know he's not home." She went back into the kitchen, and began to put away the food  
she'd bought for the Three Stooges. If it wasn't for Shinji, she thought, I swear I'd never set foot  
in this place.  
  
Rei poked her head out of the cupboard where she was putting cans away. "Well, at least  
we found Hikari."  
  
"Yes, but unfortunately I had to see a side of Touji that makes me want to gouge out my  
eyes."  
  
The girl blinked her huge red eyes, and went back to helping put the groceries away. She  
never did quite figure out what it was Asuka had against Shinji's friends. True, they were  
immature for humans of their age, but Rei simply conjectured that this was because of some  
maladjustment experienced during puberty. They were harmless, and actually intimidated by  
females to some extent. But then, Rei also knew that Asuka was not famed for her tolerance of  
her fellow man.  
  
Touji walked in, rubbing his head. "Well, if you know he's not here, then why are you...  
Oh, hey! Food!" He reached for a packet of chocolate. Asuka immediately slapped his hand  
away.  
  
"No you don't, idiot! That's for Shinji." She stuffed it into the fridge.  
  
"And the tequila?" He eyed the large bottle of clear liquid sitting on the counter.  
  
"From Deutschland, with love. An old friend sent me a bottle. At least there they have  
sane laws about the legal drinking age."  
  
Touji managed to tear his eyes away from the bottle, and noticed the other person  
standing in the kitchen. "Oh, heya, Rei."  
  
"Suzihara." She helped Asuka with the last of the food. Asuka pulled a couple of beers  
out of the back of the fridge, and handed one to her.  
  
"Did Shinji tell you where he was going to be tonight?"  
  
Asuka took a gulp of beer. "Yeah, he went to dinner with Misato."  
  
"Lucky bastard. So why aren't you with him? Misato pay you to have Shinji to herself for  
a night?" He grinned, and dodged Asuka's right hook.  
  
"Ikari asked her not to come because he said that Commander Katsuragi wouldn't be able  
to afford it," Rei said blankly. She took a sip of the beer, and sat down at the table.  
  
Touji grinned wider, happy in the knowledge that Rei was a master at both honesty and  
the poker face. She was also probably the only person alive who was immune to Asuka's glare.   
She didn't even have to try very hard to glare back.  
  
And they never could tell if she was bluffing. At least, not until it was too late and she  
already had all their money.  
  
Asuka sat down beside her at the table. "So, where is the Third Stooge?"  
  
"One of his professors was having a lecture tonight as part of some extra credit. You  
might as well try and stop him from jumping into an Eva, if he ever got the chance."  
  
Hikari walked in, stretching. "Well, then clear the way. I'll make dinner."  
  
Touji cheered. "Great! I was getting hungry."  
  
"Yeah, and I bet it food isn't the only thing you'd like to have, you dirty hentai," Asuka  
muttered from behind her beer. Touji and Hikari froze for a second. Even Rei blushed.  
  
***  
  
Shinji shifted Misato's weight as he carried her up the stairs. She was muttering something  
that sounded like a song, but it was hard to be sure if the syllables belonged to any human  
language. It was always a little frightening when Misato got drunk. She either began to talk  
about the old days, or things that even Shinji had only seen as labels saying "Top Secret", or about how she really needed to get laid. Asuka and Rei once had to save her from some nameless John in a bar, against Misato's very loud and explicit protests. Shinji recalled the interesting  
conversation between Asuka and Rei that ensued from that adventure.  
  
He opened the door with one very practiced hand, and hit the light once inside. He  
slipped his shoes off and managed to pull off Misato's. He knew the conversation in the morning  
would be that he could have called a cab for her, but Misato was too far gone for that even before they'd left the restaurant. Besides, Misato was incapable of helping herself when she had a hangover.  
  
Misato began to protest as he led her through the kitchen to the living room. "Hey, thiss  
in't my 'par'ment. Sshhin-ji, here 'r we?"  
  
"Come on, Misato. Couch time." Shinji noted the impressive collection of beer cans  
littering the table. Asuka must have been miffed about being asked to miss a free meal.   
  
"Nooo," she whined . "Couchies not comfy."  
  
They found Rei already occupying it. She grumbled in her sleep.  
  
Shinji sighed, and maneuvered Misato on down the hall. He opened to door to his room  
with his foot.  
  
"Sshhin-ji, 'r you takin me t'y'r room? Yer a naughty boy, Shinji."  
  
"Yes, yes. Just keep it down. We don't want to attract any predators." He immediately  
thought of the disastrous consequences if Touji or Kensuke were to see Shinji carrying a drunk  
and... (well, when was she not that?) Misato to his room.  
  
Asuka was asleep in his bed when he walked in. She had her own apartment with Hikari,  
supposedly, but Shinji had never seen it (although Touji swore it existed), and she spent most of  
her time here. That is, the apartment, not the bed. Well... never mind.  
  
It still got on his nerves whenever Kensuke related Shinji and Asuka's sex life to wild  
rabbits.  
  
He helped Misato out of her jacket, nudged Asuka over, and laid Misato down next to  
her.  
  
He pulled a futon out of his closet, and went back into the living room. There was no cure  
for it. This was his life.  
  
He placed the futon down in the middle of the floor, and then noticed the Rei was sitting  
up.  
  
"Oh, Rei! Sorry, we didn't wake you up, I hope?" She shook her head. She stared out  
the window, dazed. "Um, are you all right?"  
  
"Ikari?" She didn't look at him. Only her mouth moved when she talked. "I had a  
dream."  
  
"People dream all the time, Rei."  
  
She seemed confused, but Shinji could only tell this because she looked down instead of  
up. "What is a dream called when you feel..." She tried to find the word, but the stronger her  
emotions were, the more difficult they were for her to comprehend. "Terror." That was the  
word. Fear wasn't strong enough.  
  
Shinji paused. After the Impact, Rei talked a lot about her dreams, but she'd never seemed  
to be affected by them like this. "It's called a nightmare."  
  
"Then I've had a nightmare."  
  
He slowly walked over to the couch, and sat down next to her. "Do you want to talk  
about it?"  
  
"I... I was in Central Dogma. In the room where I was born. There was someone laying  
on the bed. She was like me, but she wasn't me."  
  
Shinji sighed. He knew where this was going. "Rei, that's all over now. Instrumentality,  
my father, Ritsuko... it's over, now. We have a chance to move on."  
  
"No. That's not what it was about. She wasn't a clone. She was like me, but not me. She  
said... she said she was the one that came from me. I told her that I can not have children. A  
voice said that we were the same. I turned around, and Karou was there."  
  
Shinji froze momentarily.   
  
"Karou's dead, Rei. All the Angels are gone."  
  
"I know that. But Karou said there was another way. He called..." She stopped, wincing.   
"He said that I was..."  
  
"Rei? What's wrong?"  
  
Rei crumpled up, clutching her stomach. A small cry escaped through clenched teeth.   
Shinji moved towards her, but she pushed him back, and jumped to her feet. She raced to the  
bathroom. He followed her, already hearing her vomiting into the toilet. The smell kept him at  
the doorway. It made his own gut quiver. He waited until she'd finished, and flushed the toilet. He helped her to her feet, and used a damp cloth to wipe her face.  
  
"Are you all right, now?"  
  
She nodded, weakly. "I'm sorry, Ikari. I felt a pain in my stomach, and..."  
  
"Don't worry about it. It's not the first time I've had to clean something like this up.   
Come on, I'll help you back to the couch."  
  
After Rei had fallen asleep again, Shinji laid on the futon, staring up at the ceiling. He'd  
come to terms with what happened to... no. He'd killed Karou. He knew that. Karou had  
sacrificed himself for Shinji's sake. Karou was the enemy that allowed himself to be defeated.   
But he accepted that. He knew now that both he and Misato had been wrong, then. Karou had  
not been better, although he did not deserve to die. He had not believed in a false hope. He was the only Angel that hadn't wished to destroy Man.  
  
But what did he mean when he'd said that he and Rei were the same? No, he didn't  
actually say that. It was just Rei's nightmare. Her fear of losing herself to someone... something other than she. She feared it more than death.  
  
Shinji fell asleep with the strange feeling that someone was watching him, but from where  
he could not say.  
  
***  
  
He breathed in the night air. It was choked with the stench of industrial fumes and buried  
waste. He could taste the sweat and blood of people long since disappeared who had stood on  
this ground, and hear the ghosts of their voices. He felt it only fitting that he be here tonight, this demolished site where a handful of men had tried to manipulate prophecy to their whims, and control something that never belonged to them to begin with.  
  
He turned to his companion and smiled. "This is where it was carried out. This is where  
it should begin again."  
  
His companion shifted in the shadows. "Are you sure we won't get caught? I mean, what  
if someone else comes looking?"  
  
"Don't be an idiot. This patch of dirt is of interest only to the dead. And to us, of course."   
He spoke with no malice, but there was a quality to his voice which chilled his companion to the  
core of his being.  
  
"What if someone finds out?"  
  
"Listen to me. All of them are dead. We made sure of that. SEELE is gone. All that is  
left are those who are willing to pick up the pieces."  
  
His companion shifted again. He didn't have a problem with murder. Done correctly, it  
was a simple thing. Clean, methodical, and easy, so easy that he wondered how anyone could  
ever get caught. One murder, two murders, even six were nothing in the grand scheme of things.   
Meaningless little points of light could be snuffed out without anyone even noticing. And six  
broken old men were even less so.  
  
But this was something completely different. He could feel it, swelling up from the  
ground, drilling into his skull, and teasing his brain. This was something buried because it was  
never meant to be reawakened.  
  
A shovel was pushed into his hands. "Tonight the future begins," the man said. "Now,  
start digging."  
  
The man smiled in the dark. If there was one thing that he'd learned from Gendo Ikari, is  
was that the future belonged to those who were willing to make sure they held the deed.   
  
***  
  
Shinji was already awake when Asuka walked into the kitchen, a toothbrush hanging out  
of her mouth. He smiled at her from his work at making breakfast. "Good morning."  
  
She frowned. "I'm not happy with you."  
  
"I expected as much. Sorry, but there was no way she could make it home on her own.   
And Rei was gone on the couch."  
  
"Why couldn't you put her in Touji's room?"  
  
"I'd rather not make his wildest dreams come true."  
  
"He wasn't there, dumkopf. He took Hikari home and stayed there for the night."  
  
Kensuke poked his head in, looked at Asuka, and shouted. "Hey! Damn it, Shinji! I  
thought you were going to ask her to stop using my toothbrush!"  
  
"This is yours?" Asuka held it up, and then went back to brushing. Kensuke disappeared  
back down the hall, grumbling darkly.  
  
"I try to explain that I have no control over you," Shinji said, "But they never listen."  
  
"That's because they don't listen to anyone. Immature morons." She disappeared into the  
bathroom, and walked back in a few seconds later, finished with brushing her teeth. She walked  
over to him, and punched him in the arm.   
  
"Ow! What was that for?" He rubbed his arm.  
  
"Because when I woke up last night and reached over all I got was a handful of Misato."   
She rubbed the spot where she hit him, then shook her head and sat back down. "Oh, stop it, you  
wimp. I didn't even leave a bruise."  
  
"Well, and least someone enjoyed themselves last night."  
  
"For your sake, I hope you're talking about Touji and Hikari."  
  
Kensuke walked in a moment later, and sat down opposite from Asuka. "Hey, Shinji, you  
could have sprayed some air freshener in the bathroom, you know? Geez, when Misato gets sick,  
she really leaves a mess."  
  
"Actually, that wasn't Misato."  
  
Both of them looked at him strangely. "She didn't get you drinking, did she?"  
  
Shinji turned his back on the breakfast for a moment. "No. It was Rei."  
  
"Oh, come on!" Asuka furrowed her brow. "She didn't drink that much!"  
  
"I know. She's never mentioned having nightmares to either of you, has she?"  
  
"She talks to you more than us, Shinji. Except for that time she started having... well, you  
know, those dreams. But that was years ago. I've never heard her say anything."  
  
"She had a nightmare last night. It really frightened her." No, he thought, that wasn't the  
word she used. "It terrified her."  
  
Kensuke looked into the living room. Rei was still asleep, and drooling a little. "Did she  
say what it was about?"  
  
Shinji gave Asuka a hard, serious look, and then said, "No. Only that it scared her. Then  
her stomach got upset, or something, and she threw up." Behind him the soup started to boil  
over. He shouted, and turned the stove off and set the soup aside.  
  
Asuka lost herself in private thought for a moment, while Shinji set out breakfast. She  
knew what that look meant. They would have another one of those long talks later, probably with  
Misato, maybe Yoshi. It always worried her when they had to talk about this. It brought too  
many bad memories floating to the surface.  
  
When he looked at her like that, it was always because it had something to do with the  
Angels.  
  
A loud, familiar moan came from down the hall. It sounded more like a warning siren. It  
was ignored until Misato stumbled into the kitchen. Even then, her growling and moaning were  
considered no special thing. Shinji placed a mug of coffee in front of her, along with a bottle of aspirin, and a glass of water fizzing with alka-seltzer.   
  
He set out Rei's breakfast and his own last, and finally sat down. Rei was still asleep, and  
they ate breakfast quietly after Misato asked them to shut up.  
  
"Sorry, Misato. But you really should cut back a little more. It's not healthy." Shinji said  
after five minutes of quiet.   
  
"Shut up."  
  
"That's what you deserve for not inviting me along and trying to keep Shinji all to  
yourself," Asuka muttered.  
  
"Why are you punishing me? I'm your Commander, for crying out loud." She took a  
large gulp of coffee. They always did this to her. Every time. Why?  
  
"And," Kensuke added, "As Commander, you should try and set a better example for the  
young pilots of--"  
  
"All right!" Misato yelled, and immediately regretted it. She crumpled into her chair,  
holding her head.  
  
Asuka sighed, and handed her the aspirin. "Go on, take it."  
  
Rei finally shuffled in, rubbing her eyes. "Hm? Why is Commander Katsuragi shouting?"  
  
"Hangover. Want breakfast?"  
  
Rei sat down and joined them. "We're turning into slobs," she said. "We don't even  
shower until after we eat, anymore."  
  
"Well, no one else is complaining," Kensuke pointed out.  
  
She thought about it, then shrugged and ate.  
  
Then the warning sirens went off.  
  
***  
  
"Don't say it. I know I'm late. What the hell's going on?" Misato sat down in her chair in  
the main chamber of Central Dogma.   
  
Yoshi stood beside her. "We're... we're not sure. It only started five hours ago. At first  
we thought it was just radiation, maybe an old N2 mine forgotten from the Angel battles that the  
military had left behind." As he spoke, a satellite view of Tokyo-3 and the surrounding  
countryside appeared on the main screen. The only thing wrong was a bright white light at the  
south end of the map. "We quickly realized it was an energy reaction. Maybe someone had set  
off another bomb, you know?"  
  
Of course she knew. After the Angels, the Evangelions were only ever used against things  
deemed too dangerous for the regular U.N. and Japan's SDF to tackle on its own. Terrorists with  
bombs, giant mechs gone out of control, and things that were generally too damn big.  
  
"And what did it turn out to be?" She knew she wasn't going to like this. She never did.  
  
Yoshi swallowed. "We didn't recognize it right away because no one's seen it for so  
long." The screen changed, showing the readings.  
  
Misato felt an icy hand reach in inside her gut. "It's an AT field." She tried to stop staring, to make herself think clearly, but all she could hear inside her head was white noise. They were  
supposed to be dead. They are dead. Shinji killed all of them. She'd watched him do it.  
  
"It appears to be coming from somewhere beneath the surface, but it's been steadily  
expanding upward, almost as if it was digging itself out. What do you want us to do, sir?"  
  
Misato breathed again, and threw her brain into overdrive. "Set up a perimeter. Launch  
all Eva units. We have to make sure that this isn't some kind of..." She didn't finish the sentence.   
  
There was no way this could be a mistake. It was idiotic to even think that.  
  
"Commander, all the Evas are on standby and ready for launch."  
  
Now their worst nightmare had come true. "All Eva units, launch!"  
  
***  
  
Shinji looked at the map. They were supposed to surround the target, then wait for  
further orders. This was completely wrong. They never went up against a target they didn't  
know anything about. At least, they usually knew something about the target. The only time  
they'd ever gone in so unprepared was years ago, when they were fighting the Angels.  
  
"Misato," he opened a channel to the control room. "What's going on? Damn it, Misato,  
what are we fighting?" His grip tightened on Eva's controls. He couldn't believe this. He knew  
what the answer would be. Why was he so afraid?  
  
"We've detected an AT field. That's all we have right now. No one move until I order, or  
unless you have to. Is that understood?"  
  
There was a small period of silence before anyone confirmed. The silence continued after  
they were in place, pressing on them. The Eva felt like a trap. It made his gut sick. Eva was not a trap. It was his defense and his weapon. It was the only thing between him and the Angel.  
  
That didn't give him any comfort.  
  
"This is stupid," he heard Asuka mutter. "We should just go in and find out what the mess  
is ourselves."  
  
Rei started to say, "Commander Katsuragi ordered us to--"  
  
"I know that!" She was yelling. She always yelled when she was afraid. She yelled more  
when she was angry. It was a slight difference. "It doesn't mean I agree with it."  
  
"But if we rush in without knowing what--"  
  
"I said I know that! And we can just as easily set up a trap for something that we know is  
coming."  
  
"We don't understand what our enemy is. If we go in now, there's a possibility that--"  
  
"Look, Wonder Girl, if you're just going to sit there and analyze everything I say, then--"  
  
"That's enough," Shinji stopped her. "Damn it, Asuka, Misato told us to hold and wait."  
  
"You of all people should be agreeing with me."  
  
Shinji leaned back in his seat, rolling his eyes upward. "Yeah, my usual brilliant tactics."  
  
"Well I was thinking someone who could get it right would be doing it."  
  
He frowned at the image of her on his screen. "We're not going to argue right now,  
Asuka. We can do that later. I just don't want to have to deal with Misato chewing us out."  
  
"She'll probably punish you by forcing some of her coffee down your throat," Touji finally  
spoke up. The tension eased a little bit, and they allowed themselves to laugh. Then Asuka  
slumped in her seat, arms folded over her breasts. Pouting wasn't going to help her, but Shinji let it go. She was dead set on being stubborn.  
  
  
Misato was pacing around the lower level of the control room. She hated sitting in the  
Commander's chair. She thought better on her feet, and being down here felt different. She could see everything just fine from damn near any corner of the room, but up there she felt disconnected from everything. The mission just didn't seem as real when it was so far away.  
  
She stopped and looked up at it. Even four years later, she could see his shadow staring  
down at her, just as silent and disconnected as the man. That must have been how he could make  
the decisions; disconnecting from it all, not feeling anything for the events around him.  
  
"It doesn't make any sense."  
  
Yoshi looked up. "Hm? Commander, what was that?"  
  
"I said it doesn't make any sense." She looked back to the main screen. "The Angels'  
target has always been Adam. It should be going down, not up. It just doesn't make any sense.   
We don't even know where it's coming from."  
  
"Well, where did the Angels come from before?"  
  
She looked at him. "What do you mean?"  
  
"In all the old files, there's never any mention of where the Angels come from. They just  
appear. You want to talk about not making sense, Commander, then nothing they do makes  
sense to us."  
  
The computer blared a signal. "Commander, there appears to be seismic activity at the AT  
field's point of origin."  
  
Misato brought up the map. Nothing appeared to be changing.  
  
"Misato," Shinji's voice came through. It was just above a whisper. "Misato, what the  
hell are we going to do?"  
  
"Shinji, what is it?" She turned on an operator. "Is it too much trouble to see what's  
going on out there? Where the hell's a camera?"  
  
The screen changed. The space in the area shifted, as if the air was burning. The ground  
fountained upward as something rose from beneath it. The soil gave it a form as it fell away: the arch of a bent back, huge shoulders hunched forward. The head lifted itself up, straightening its posture to stand upright. Dirt fell away from its grey, twisted arms to reveal hands ending in talons. Its body was distorted, having limbs far too long for its body. A red orb sat in its chest. Its face had only black holes for eyes, but the teeth were plainly visible. It opened its mouth, and screamed.  
  
"Hit it from behind, now!"  
  
Units 02 and 00 ran forward, and then skidded to a halt. They aimed their rifles, and fired.   
The bullets stopped before they reached it, exploding in midair. The area around the explosions  
shimmered.   
  
"An AT field. Then it's true. It's an Angel."  
  
The Angel turned and faced its attackers. It screamed, and moved towards them. They  
kept firing. Asuka threw down her rifle, and picked up the rocket launcher she had slung across  
Unit 02's back. The rocket tore through the AT field, and hit the Angel's shoulder. A cloud of  
flames and smoke obscured its face.  
  
"Ha! I got him!"  
  
The Angel stepped forward, still moving slowly towards them. Asuka cursed, and fired  
another rocket.  
  
Unit 01 pulled its sonic knife from the sheath. "Touji, arm your knife. We hit it while it's  
distracted."  
  
"Right." He mimicked Unit 01, and drew his knife. The AT field shimmered with each  
bullet and rocket strike, but the Angel was still advancing slowly. "Why isn't it running?"  
  
"I don't know. Maybe it doesn't think it's threatened." That was stupid. He knew Angels  
didn't have reasons for killing. Maybe because it had just awoken?  
  
"Oh, thanks for the credit!" Asuka dropped the now empty launcher, and drew her pistol.   
"So shut up and do it, already!"  
  
"Right. Let's go!" Units 01 and 03 charged the Angel. The AT field shimmered in front  
of them, growing in strength as they approached. Shinji lunged forward, Touji following, and  
they plunged their knives into the AT field. Light flashed in front of their eyes as they strained to pierce it.   
  
The Angel turned, and reached out. Its arm passed through its own AT field, and  
wrapped around Unit 01's wrist. Before Shinji could act, it pulled him forward, it's AT field  
weakening. It twisted Unit 01's arm, trying to tear it from the socket. Shinji screamed, and  
brought his knife around into the monster's body. He missed the core, and buried it to the hilt.   
Touji swiped at it, but it dodged aside without even looking at him. Still gripping Shinji's  
arm, it twisted to face him, and slashed at Unit 03 with it's free hand. It caught Unit 03 across the chest, and Touji stumbled back. The talons opened up large scars in Eva's armor. Touji gritted his teeth, and slashed back.  
  
Shinji screamed as it continued to twist his arm. Finally, there was a wet snap, and Unit  
01's right arm hung limp in the Angel's grip.   
  
"Let him go, damn you!" Asuka slammed the Angel from behind, throwing it to the  
ground. Unit 01 stepped back, freed from its talons. Unit 02 leveled its gun at the Angel, and  
fired.  
  
The bullets tore into its back. Then the Angels body twisted in on itself, folding and  
bulging as its front switched places with it back. It leaped at her, growling and tearing. Asuka fell back under the assault.  
  
Touji advanced again, cutting into the Angel. It turned to face him, and a hail of bullets  
hit its back. It turned and saw Unit 00, its rifle firing bullets into its face. The bullets didn't seem to affect it, even as it was now apparently bleeding from the wounds. Its face twisted, and Touji was frozen for a moment as he swore it was smiling.   
  
The Angel's arm shot out, and it impaled Unit 03. It kicked Unit 01 to the ground as  
Shinji tried to get back up. It lowered its arm, and let Unit 03 slide off and collapse to the  
ground.  
  
Rei locked eyes with its empty black slits.  
  
"Misato... Ikari... Asuka... someone, help me."  
  
  
"Commander, Unit 02 and Unit 03 are incapacitated!"  
  
"What about the pilots?"  
  
"Life signs of both pilots confirmed. Unit 01's right arm is disabled. The pilot's  
connections are failing due to trauma. Unit 00 and the target both appear to be holding."  
  
Misato stared at the screen. It was just standing there, looking at Unit 00. It was  
bleeding, but kept going. What the hell kind of Angel bleeds?  
  
This is what she hated most. She wished she was out there with them, helping them. All  
she could do was sit here and watch.  
  
"Misato, help me, please." Rei's voice came over the channel. Misato had never heard  
this before. Rei was afraid.   
  
"Rei, you've got move! Now, before it--!"  
  
She was cut off by Rei's scream.  
  
"Rei!"  
  
  
The Angel perched on Unit 00's chest. It had moved so fast, Rei hardly had time to blink  
before it was on her. The rifle was torn into pieces. Unit 00 lifted its head a little, even as the Angel's face stared straight down at it. She could see Shinji's knife, right under its core. He'd just barely missed. If she could just reach it...  
  
The Angel pressed Unit 00's head back to the ground, and raised its other hand. The  
talons wrapped themselves around each other, creating a single spike on the end of its arm. Rei  
braced herself for the pain.  
  
The Angel's hand exploded. It shrieked, and turned. Unit 01 sat up, holding a pistol.   
Shinji fired again, scoring a shot into the Angel's neck and chest. It hissed at him, once again  
raising its AT field.  
  
Unit 00 reached up and grabbed the knife. It pulled upward, striking the core. Rei  
screamed, feeling her Eva's arm strain. The knife continued to dig through the core. Rei set her jaw, and pressed into it. The knife broke through the dense resistance of the core, cutting up the Angel's chest, and splitting it's neck and head. Light and fire exploded from the gash in the core,and Rei could hear the scream of Angel and metal.   
  
The Angel's body shuddered, and then fell against Unit 00, a sagging mass of flesh and  
blood. She pushed it off of her with a grunt, and tried to catch her breath.  
  
"Target," she gasped, "Has been terminated."   
  
She heard Misato sigh over the channel. "Well done, Rei. All right, initiate pilot retrieval.   
Get them out there now, damn it!"  
  
She laid back for a minute, teaching herself to breath again. After a moment, she said,  
"Pilot Suzihara, are you all right?" There was no answer. "Suzihara?"  
  
Shinji persisted, "Touji? Touji, are you there?"   
  
There was a moan. "It feels like there's a hole in my chest."  
  
Shinji laughed a little. "That's because there is."  
  
"Oh, good. Then it's not just me."  
  
Rei smiled. "Ikari, thank you."  
  
"No problem. Next time I'll just hand you my knife." His image on the screen smiled  
back.  
  
"Is Asuka all right?"  
  
"I'm fine, Wonder girl." Asuka's channel opened. Her Eva remained immobile. "That  
bastard tore my Eva's chest open. Oh, my poor baby!"  
  
Shinji rubbed his sore arm. "Gee, thanks for showing you care."  
  
"You big wimp. Why the hell do you think I tried to save you?"  
  
Touji groaned. "Great, the married couple's fighting now, of all times."  
  
"Oh, you'll get yours Touji, just wait."  
  
"Yes, mein Furher." He grinned wide at her.  
  
Asuka blushed. "That's it! I'm going to finish what that Angel started. I swear it!"  
  
Touji laughed at her. "You guys should learn to be a little more quiet, then. The  
moaning's bad enough. It's worse when you talk to him."  
  
***  
  
Shinji was sprawled on the couch in Misato's office. An ice pack sat on his shoulder. Dr. Iwano had told him that his synch ratio was very high at the time when the Angel tore Eva's arm from its socket. It didn't make him feel any better. It was sure as hell of no use to his arm.  
  
Misato walked in, taking only a cursory glance at him, then sitting down with her coffee.   
She smiled. "You look like hell. What's with you? You act like you've never piloted an Eva  
before."  
  
"What is it about you and revenge?" He sat up, pressing the pack to himself.   
  
"Oh, I don't know. It's just fun."  
  
"You're in a good mood, all things considered."  
  
"I know. I must have caught a little of it from Yoshi. He's going to have a field day with  
that thing. I think he's actually very happy about it." She frowned at her coffee.  
  
"I'm glad someone's enjoying it."  
  
"I know. It's like our worst nightmare finally came true. Everything we've tried to get  
over for so long... it all just keeps coming back."  
  
"Actually, that's why I was here. Could you get Asuka to come up? She should still be in  
the shower." He paused, then spoke again as she reached for the phone. "Um... without Rei  
knowing."  
  
Misato froze for half a second, and then picked up her phone, and asked for someone to  
privately inform pilot Soryu that she was wanted in the Commander's office.  
  
Misato leaned back and sipped her coffee after putting the phone down. "Is she always so  
cranky when she wakes up?"  
  
"Yeah. She just had an excuse this morning." Shinji realized that he probably shouldn't  
say much more if he wanted to live.  
  
"I should be the cranky one," she mumbled. "She kicks in her sleep."  
  
"How's Touji?"  
  
"He's fine. They're just keeping him in the hospital for a little bit. He'll be out in a few  
hours, hopefully. He did pretty well for his first fight against an Angel."  
  
Asuka was there more quickly than expected. She sat down next to Shinji without saying  
a word.  
  
"Asuka? Are you okay?"  
  
She looked at him, and sighed. "Go on. Get it over with."  
  
"What's this all about, Shinji?"  
  
"Last night, after I put you to bed, Rei woke up. She said she had a nightmare. We  
started talking about it, but then she ran to the bathroom, and got sick."  
  
"So what was it about?"  
  
"She said that she was in the room where she was born. She was looking at someone,  
who was supposed to be from her, but not her. She said that she couldn't have children. Then  
someone said that there was another way. She saw... she said it was Karou. He told her that they were the same."  
  
Misato and Asuka were quiet for a long time. Rei never talked about the Angels, least of  
all Karou. Shinji avoided that topic entirely if he could get away with it. They didn't know if he'd come to terms with it, and wanted to move on, or if he still had guilt. Shinji would only ever say what had to be done was done.  
  
"What did he mean by that? Rei's nothing like Karou."  
  
Shinji only shrugged. "I don't know. It was her dream."  
  
"Typical," Asuka said. "She has a dream, and an Angel appears. Maybe it has something  
to do with her being the First Child?"  
  
"What? Rei being connected to the Angel appearing? That's stretching it, Asuka."   
Misato leaned forward on her desk.  
  
"Maybe." Shinji looked up. "Misato, are we sure that the Dummy Plug System is  
destroyed? Ritsuko said... it was the whole reason Rei was born."  
  
She nodded. "It's gone, Shinji. The Eva's are dangerous enough without turning them  
into mindless killers. I made sure it was taken out the second we got our charter."  
  
"Why the hell does this have to happen all over again?" Asuka slammed her heel against  
the couch. "Why? They're all supposed to be dead."  
  
"Asuka." Shinji let go of his ice pack, and put his arm around her. He didn't say anything  
more, knowing how much of an idiot he'd sound like.  
  
She looked at him, and smiled a little. "I just think it's a pain in the ass that we have to kill more of them. You'd think seventeen kills would be enough to teach them to leave us alone."  
  
"Some things are never over," Misato said. They looked to her, and she sighed. "Go  
home and get some rest. There's nothing left here to do. We can talk later tonight."  
  
They nodded, and then stood to leave. Shinji was halfway out the door when Misato  
stopped him.  
  
"Shinji, I know you don't talk about Karou. It's your choice. I just want to know, do you  
still blame yourself for his death?"  
  
He looked at her for a long moment. "No, Misato. It was just what had to be done. If I  
hadn't, we'd all be dead. That's all there is to it." He closed the door.   
  
End Part 1  
  
Author's Notes: Well, here we go! I know not everyone enjoys these little fire-side chats at the end of a decent fic, but I go through this to make sure you guys aren't totally lost. Yes, my view of the end of Evangelion and the Third Impact is somewhat optomistic, and probably not even that new of an idea, but here it is. Not to worry, I will reveal all mysteries in time, including resolving certain continuity inconsistencies (Hey, Misato, shouldn't you be dead, or something?). I hope you've found that I've tried to remain as true to the characters as possible, granted this is my view of them after four years of growth (What the hell? Asuka should be strangling Shinji's neck, not his... nevermind). All c&c can be sent to loneshark707@hotmail.com. And please do not complain about formatting... I've tried very hard to get wordwrap and fanfiction.net's own formatting to work together, but if it's totally unreadable, I'll work to make it so, I promise! Sort of.   
  
  



	2. Corpse

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 2: Corpse  
  
Shinji awoke with a gasp. It was more than a moment before his senses finally stopped, and told him where he was. The dream still made his head slightly dizzy. He hated it when his dreams got that weird. It felt like everything was spinning out of control, but in his dream he enjoyed it. It was when he woke up that it stopped, as sudden as a car crash, and he was left to catch his breath.  
  
But looking back on the dream, he didn't like it. There was no freedom in the chaos. He could only go with it. He was just one more bubble in a stream, being carried, battered around, and tossed, until he popped. He liked it better when he was free to make his own choices, in a world where he could decide how he'd live, whether it brought him pain or joy.  
  
He looked around his room, making sure it was intact. Everything was where it should be; although Misato was the only person he knew who didn't condemn it as a mess. Asuka was lying next to him, snoring. She could sleep through anything. He wondered if she could sleep through an Angel attack.  
  
His head fell back against the pillow. Good god, he'd changed. All things considered, four years had been a lifetime. He'd been a different kind of person, then. He had been afraid of making his own choices. That part never got easier, he knew, but at least now he didn't run from them.  
  
He reached over, and kissed Asuka on the cheek. "Asuka... come on, wake up."  
  
She rolled over, and snored at him.  
  
He gently shook her. "I said wake up. Now come out of the coma, and get up."  
  
She mumbled, and slowly opened her eyes. "Hm? What the hell are you...?"  
  
He stood, and reached for a pair of pants. "Time to get up. Misato wants us in early for new synch tests, remember?"  
  
She reached for the clock, and then threw it at him. "It's too early. I won't have time for a shower."  
  
"You can take a bath tonight. Now get up!" He pulled the blanket off of her, and left before she found something else to throw. Touji was already awake, watching the morning news. He looked over as Shinji entered the living room.  
  
"Why the hell do we have to be in so early, anyway? It's hard enough waking up at nine, but six?" He stretched.  
  
"Probably because she wants us to be there to meet the new supervisor the UN is sending over."  
  
"Great. Just when we were finally being trusted to handle things on our own. Why can't anything remain normal for just a little while?"  
  
"I guess four years were just too long." He went back into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was soon ready to go, and joined Touji on the couch while they waited for Asuka.  
  
Kensuke emerged before her, scratching his hair. He looked at them, mumbling through his half-sleep. "Hm? What's up?"  
  
"Have to go in early. If the world doesn't end again, we'll probably be back this afternoon."  
  
"The world will end before Asuka gets herself moving," Touji said. He leaned over, and shouted down the hall. "Hey, Frau Lucifer! Move it!" Asuka responded with a stream of German. "What's that mean?"  
  
Kensuke winced. "Something that makes me wish I'd never taken high school German. Shinji, you know they might well kill each other, some day?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, but what can I do? Touji only listens to Hikari, and Asuka doesn't listen to anyone."  
  
Touji turned on him. "What is that crap? Stand up to her; be a man!"  
  
"I'd prefer to be a man while still keeping my girlfriend, thank you. And anyway, that's a pretty bold statement coming from you."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Touji," Kensuke said, "You're whipped. Face it. You have no power against the female sex, and you'll probably end up married before you're twenty-five."  
  
Touji grumbled. "Feh. What would you two know, anyway?"  
  
***  
  
They still only had facilities to perform the synch tests three at a time. Misato had continually hammered at the UN for enough money to fix this problem, but as it stood, they deemed NERV's facilities adequate, without need for an increased budget.  
  
This is why Shinji stood beside her in the test control room, watching the tubes where the other three pilots sat. His test would be done last, wasting more time that could be saved if they only had a little more money.  
  
Misato shook her head, and tried not to think about it. "How's Rei doing?"  
  
Yoshi looked up, "Average for her usual ratio. They're all a little tired, so it fluctuates when she starts to drift off. Asuka's holding pretty steady for now. She hasn't gone up in a few weeks."  
  
"She didn't hear that, did she?"  
  
"No, don't worry. I have the mic turned off. I'll just tell her it went up a couple of points. That'll keep her happy."  
  
"No, better just be honest with her. I'll tell her."  
  
"You're a braver person than I am," Shinji said. "How's Touji?"  
  
"He's gone up. Impressive for someone who was impaled the last time he stepped into an Eva. He seems pretty comfortable so far. I don't think there's anything to worry about."  
  
Misato smiled at Shinji. He glanced at her. "Um... what?"  
  
"Nothing important. It's just nice to see how much you care about your friends."  
  
He shook his head. "When did you start to grow a sentimental side?"  
  
"I guess it's because I'm getting old."  
  
"Senile is more like it," Asuka's voice said through the com system. "Maybe my readings would change if you'd service the equipment a little more often! I'm double checking those readings when I get out of here."  
  
"I thought you said that the com system was off?"  
  
"Umm, sorry." Yoshi looked back at the readings. "Well, now that she's angry, her ratings are going up."  
  
"Someone tell me how that's a good sign?"  
  
The door opened, and everyone turned. The man who stepped through was tall, with a lean build. His hair was slicked back, adding to his professional appearance. He smiled confidently at Misato.  
  
"Commander Katsuragi, I was told I could find you here." His smile didn't fade, even though he could see the tension in her movements, the way her arms shifted so that she could draw the gun under her jacket before he took another step. She looked him in the face, not caring about the I.D. badge on his chest.  
  
"And you would be?"  
  
"I'm sorry, it's a tad rude of me to show up so suddenly, isn't it? Osamu Kitari," he said, extending his hand. "I'm the new supervisor. You did remember I was coming today, right?"  
  
She shook his hand. "Sorry, it's just that you're a few hours early. We didn't expect you for some time."  
  
"Yes, I apologize for that. A meeting was canceled, so I decided to come over right away. This is the first time I've been here. It's impressive, to say the least." He looked out into the testing chamber, and then his gaze quickly took in the room. He settled on Shinji. "And you're Shinji Ikari, right?"  
  
Shinji nodded. "Yes. Pleased to meet you." He didn't take Osamu's extended hand.  
  
"Err, yes. You're just as you were described. It's not everyday I meet one of humanity's last saviors."  
  
Yoshi leaned over the com. "All right, guys, time's up. You can come out, now. And come straight here. We've got a guest."  
  
"Thanks, Yoshi." Misato turned to Osamu. "Well, at least you made sure we know you're here, Mr. Kitari. I was planning on making my little announcement when you got here. I hope you're settled in okay?"  
  
"Well, it's been a little difficult, with reconstruction on parts of the city from last week's attack, but--"  
  
"Great. Shinji, hold up a minute. I want you to be here for this." Shinji stopped before he reached the door, and stepped back. She turned back to Osamu. "Well, I was reluctant to agree with the UN's request that a supervisor be allowed. We have enough trouble with security as it is. Maybe seeing Angels up close will finally convince you people that we need a bigger budget."  
  
He laughed. "I know how you feel. Don't worry, though, I'm just here as an observer, more an over paid diplomat, than anything." He stood relaxed, smiling at her.  
  
Shinji wished she would let him get in the tube, already. Even four hours of sitting in LCL fluid was better than being near this guy. It was just the way his eyes looked. He couldn't be sure, but he almost swore that when the light hit Osamu's eyes just right, they changed from brown to yellow.  
  
The others walked in after a few nervous minutes. No one said anything, and Shinji avoided eye contact with Osamu. Misato looked over the new synch ratios, not paying much attention. She looked up when Asuka, Rei, and Touji entered.  
  
"What is it, Misato? I've got fluid seeping down the back of my suit, and I really need a shower. Please tell me this is worth it."  
  
"Relax, Asuka. I just wanted to introduce you all to the new UN observer, Mr. Osamu Kitari."  
  
Osamu shook each of their hands in turn. "Hello. I have to say that I'm very excited to be here. The four of you have no idea how famous you are among international circles. After all, you've been fighting against these monsters since you were children."  
  
"Um, well, thank you." Touji scratched the back of his head.  
  
Asuka nudged him. "Relax, Stooge. Sorry, Mr. Kitari, but some of us don't know how to gracefully accept flattery."  
  
"Hm, yes. Well, you are just doing what you have to do. No one forced you to."   
  
Shinji could feel the man's eyes glance at him, piercing straight through him. "Misato, if we're done here, I'm going to go get my suit on."  
  
She held up her hand. "I said wait a minute. I haven't said why I really called all of you in here. I've been giving it a lot of thought. I haven't assigned a commander of operations under me, and I know you guys like it that way, but there has to be someone I trust who can take charge in case I'm... not able to."  
  
They were silent, except for Asuka. "Misato, what are you talking about? You've chosen a second in command, or something? Why didn't you tell us about this before?"  
  
"Because I knew you'd have something to say about it, whether I wanted to hear it, or not." She winked. "Right?" Asuka crossed her arms, waiting. "I've decided to give the rank of lieutenant and co-commander of operations to Shinji."  
  
The pilots collectively gasped, especially Shinji. "But... but... Mi-Misato, I've... That is, I don't see how..."  
  
"I think what he wants to say," Rei said, "is why him?"  
  
"Yeah! And why not me or Rei?" Asuka demanded.  
  
Misato sighed. She could handle Shinji's expected bafflement, but she feared Asuka getting upset more. "It's a bit more complicated, I know, but you can handle it, Shinji. I know you can. Asuka is the better strategist, but you come through when it's needed. It's about time you got some recognition for it, don't you think? I think the words you're looking for are 'thank you'."  
  
"Well, yes, thank you, it's just..." Shinji stopped to breathe. He hadn't expected this, to say the least. "Why, Misato? Rei and Asuka have been pilots as long as I have."  
  
"Hey, relax, Shinji!" Touji clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You're getting promoted. At least be happy about it."  
  
Misato smiled. "We can talk about it later, I promise. Go get in the cockpit so we can get out of here."  
  
They left quietly, but she could hear them further down the hall after a few seconds. Her job never got any easier.  
  
Osamu chuckled. "Well, I can see that you take things seriously around here."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Yoshi said. "They're always like that. Making up for the youth they lost, I guess."  
  
"I will, of course, let my superiors know about this change in your chain of command."  
  
Misato nodded. "That's your job. I'll have a copy of the orders sent to your new office by this afternoon."  
  
Osamu began to speak, but was cut off by a beeping in his pocket. He pulled out his cell phone, and opened it. "Kitari. Yes? Hold on. I'll get back to you in a minute." He placed it in his pocket. "I have to take this in private. My new office would be...?"  
  
"In the main HQ upstairs. It's just down the hall from mine. You shouldn't have too much trouble finding it."  
  
He smiled. "Thank you, Commander. It's been a pleasure to meet you and your young pilots." He quickly left the room, a still calm remaining behind.  
  
***  
  
"Can she really do this?" Shinji was still dumbfounded four hours later, as he sat eating lunch. Yoshi accompanied them, mainly because he wanted to talk about the plans for the Evas. Shinji didn't seem to be paying much attention to that, of course.  
  
"Well, she is the commander. The whole 'total authority' thing does lend some precedence."  
  
"But, she's always there. Misato's nearly centered her life around making up for what Gendo did to NERV, and us, and the Evas."  
  
"That's why she chose you," Rei stated.  
  
Shinji sighed, and ate his curry.   
  
"Look, Shinji, if you don't think you can handle it, just say so," Asuka said.  
  
"I never said I can't handle it!"  
  
"Then shut up and eat. We can talk about something else, already."  
  
Touji leaned over at her. "What's wrong, Asuka? Jealous?"  
  
She gritted her teeth. "One more taunt out of you and--"  
  
"Okay, okay! Damn it, do you two really have to fight all the time?" Yoshi held the two of them apart. "Asuka, please put your fork down. Or at least don't hold it like a weapon."  
  
Asuka relented, leaning back in her chair. "Anyway, I'm not jealous. So you're promoted. So what? It's not like we listen to you now, after all."  
  
"Thanks for your love and support," Shinji muttered.   
  
"Wimp." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile.  
  
"Dr. Iwano," Rei said to Yoshi, "How goes your research on upgrading the Evas?"  
  
"Well, because of Misato's problems with the budget, we haven't had much success with the Evas, directly. Building the initial units was a process that took years of experimentation and research. We've got a new weapon almost ready for the test stages, but we're not sure what effect it will have."  
  
"I still don't get it," Touji said. "Why do it at all? Our Evas are strong enough now. Hell, Misato told me one time that four Evas together are nearly unbeatable."  
  
"Well, it's more of a question of credibility, really. The UN expects us to come up with something, for all the money they give us. Even if they are cheap about it. You've heard it before. They want to keep us around because they're afraid of what we'd do without them."  
  
"No appreciation if we're not risking our lives," Asuka muttered.  
  
Yoshi continued, "The real problem is the nature of the Evas themselves. They're not simply organic constructs, bio-weapons, or anything else that we knew before the Angels. They're living creatures, something that requires a completely new kind of technology."   
  
"Yeah, we've heard that before, too. We pilot the things, remember?" Asuka looked at her food, suddenly losing interest in it. "It's not like piloting a plane, or something. We're connected to them." A hand went to her throat. "We feel the same pain they feel. Like Rei says, it's a bond. Not many people know what it's like to have your head cut off."  
  
"Or be blown up," Rei added.  
  
"This is why I hate talking about it outside of HQ," Touji said. "It makes you two all moody."  
  
Shinji finally asked, "What were you talking about when you said you've got a new weapon? I haven't heard anything."  
  
Yoshi smiled, "Well, I wanted it to be a little bit of a surprise. In theory, it works just like your sonic knife; only it's lengthened to get more power through the blade. We have a prototype ready for Unit 01, but I'm not sure about just--"  
  
"How much longer than the knife is it?"  
  
"Well, it's the Eva equivalent of a sword, really. And even then, you'd still need two hands to properly hold it."  
  
Shinji struggled to keep his rice in his mouth. "A sword? You're kidding me?"  
  
"Heh, well, like I said, it's still being built. I'll need you to go through some test sessions with it in a few weeks."  
  
"Does the UN know about the new weapon?" Rei spoke without looking at anyone. "Or do you want to keep it from them, for now?"  
  
Yoshi looked at her, and smiled to himself. The girl seemed to have a natural ability for being able to notice when you needed a secret kept. It was like some sixth sense that she had developed. "Well, it may be best not to mention it to our new friend, Mr. Kitari, until we have a working prototype."  
  
"Geez," Asuka said, "First Shinji gets promoted, now you're making swords."  
  
"Yeah," Touji said, "It's like we're being pulled into my anime collection, or something."  
  
Rei thought for a moment. "No. There are no tentacles."  
  
"I didn't mean that collection!"  
  
The others laughed at his expense. Touji sulked, and ate his lunch.  
  
"Oh, get over it," Asuka said. "We know you're a pervert. So, to change the subject before it goes too far, who's paying for lunch?" No one was in a hurry to volunteer. She turned to Shinji, willing her eyes to double in size. "Shinji, would you please pay for lunch?"  
  
He looked at her, realizing too late what he'd fallen into, and sighed again. "You have no conscience, you know that?"  
  
She smiled, triumphant. "Well, it's the least you could do for your girlfriend." She leaned over and kissed him. "And there's a 'thank you', just so you don't complain later."  
  
Touji glanced up from his sulking. "How cute. Satan in love." He yelped as Asuka kicked his shin. "Why... are you... so evil?"  
  
Yoshi looked over at Shinji. "Have they always been like this?"  
  
"No, they've gotten better. Really. At least, that's what I keep telling myself."  
  
He nodded. "Well, it's been nice, but I've got to get back. Here's my part of the check." He tossed some bills on the table, and stood to leave.  
  
Touji followed after him. "I've got to go, too. I really don't know why I even bother trying to go to university when I've got piloting to worry about."  
  
"Because Hikari suckered you into it," Asuka suggested.  
  
"Oh, yeah. See you guys later."  
  
Asuka frowned at him as he left. "Jerk didn't even leave his share of the check."  
  
"I thought I was paying, anyway?"  
  
"Well, I only meant my part, really. Thanks for that." He smiled a little. "What is it?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just that a couple of years ago you would be upset with me right now for getting promoted."  
  
"She would say she hated you," Rei said.  
  
Asuka frowned at them. "Why the hell do you have to bring that up, dumkopf? I was just a child. I thought I was mature. We're all wrong at some point, right?"  
  
"Sorry. I've been thinking about back then too much, today." There was a brief moment of silence, and then he noticed that Rei seemed distracted by something. "Rei? What's wrong?"  
  
She blinked, coming out of her daze. "Hm? Nothing. Excuse me." She stood, and walked toward the bathroom.  
  
Asuka leaned back, and looked out the window. "We've been sitting in here for too long. It's... odd when we don't have anything to do, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, and you're dangerous when you get bored." He kept looking towards Rei's direction. Asuka leveled her eyes at him, and then gave in.  
  
"All right, what is it?" He blinked, not really hearing her. She took his face in her hand, and turned him around to look at her. "Shinji, what are you worrying about now?"  
  
He pulled her hand off. "It's nothing. Just... what did you think of Kitari?"  
  
She shrugged. "Just another diplomat and amateur spy. It's not like we haven't seen them before." She grinned. "Why? Would you be jealous if I said he was handsome?"  
  
"Cut it out. You know I don't get jealous easily."  
  
"Fine." She knew it was useless. Shinji was not the boy he had been. He didn't let things bother him so much, mostly because he'd grown confident in his own worth. That, and he'd learn how to play Asuka's own games back at her, which didn't make them fun anymore.  
  
"He was just a guy. A little overly friendly. Probably felt ignored as a child. Why?"  
  
"He just... gave me a weird feeling. I didn't like the way he watched us. It felt like I was under a microscope."  
  
"You worry too much. And it's never about something that I can tell you to just be quiet about. I suppose now you're going to say that you're worried about Rei."  
  
"No. Are you?"  
  
She didn't answer right away. After a moment, she said, "No. I was thinking of something else."  
  
"And you're not going to tell me, are you?"   
  
"Nope."  
  
***  
  
Misato came home to a quiet apartment. It was the same scene it had been for five months, ever since Shinji and Asuka moved out. Pen Pen was the only one there to greet her. He waddled out of his fridge, and looked up at her expectantly. She sighed, and placed the plastic bag on the counter.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I've got dinner, don't worry. You know, you could learn to cook for yourself once in a while. You do nearly everything else."  
  
He squawked at her.  
  
"Yeah, I know. I miss them, too. But, it's not like I could be their guardian forever. I tried, remember?" Who was she kidding? She was still trying. That was part of why she'd given Shinji a promotion. She was trying to help them get along without her, and trying to act as a surrogate parent.  
  
Were human beings really supposed to be this complicated?  
  
She opened a beer, and tossed the ramen cups into the microwave. She fished through the bag for the instant curry when the doorbell rang. It had started to rain. Through the peephole she could recognize Touji's bulky jacket and shoulders, already beginning to soak.   
  
She opened the door. "Touji? What's going on?"  
  
He didn't look directly at her when he spoke. His expression seemed distant, even when he lifted his head. "Hey, Misato. You... mind if I... I mean, can we talk?"  
  
"Sure. Come on, get in before you're all wet." She ushered him in, and shut the door. She went back to the kitchen, and called, "You hungry? All I've got's junk food, but it's better than my real cooking."  
  
"Um, sure." He walked in, looking around. He hadn't really been here since Shinji moved out. It was worse than he'd remembered it. A pile of instant microwave refuse in the corner looked to be harboring life. The beer cans and bottles had been set up in a ring around the kitchen, and it seemed to form a shrine in the living room. Even Touji had to admit, this had to be unhealthy.  
  
"Sit down. I'll have it ready in a minute. You want a beer?"  
  
"Isn't that illegal?" He sat down as she placed two cans on the table. He opened one.  
  
"You guys don't complain about the stash I put in the back of your fridge." After a few quiet minutes, she came back with three cups of ramen noodles. She set one down in front of Pen Pen, and then handed the second to Touji. She sat down across from him, already slurping the substance. Touji looked at it, and then slowly began to eat.  
  
"So, why'd you come all the way out here? Can't be just to keep me company?" Misato summoned all of the tact she possessed, which equated the tact of an industrial sledgehammer.  
  
Thankfully, Touji laughed. "I kinda find it hard to believe that you'd get lonely. I mean... hell, you're the woman Kensuke and I fantasized about when we were kids. And you see us nearly everyday. You know more than anyone what we've gone through. You're one of the few people who chooses to care about what we do for this planet."  
  
Misato put her noodles aside. "What's wrong, Touji? Why come to me?"  
  
"It's... just not something Hikari would know about. She tries to understand, but... it's not the same as knowing."  
  
"So this is about the Angel?" He nodded. "What about Shinji? Why don't you talk to him?"  
  
"You know how he gets about this sort of thing. I've told him a million times I don't blame him. I never did. I wanted out of that thing. It was... like being in a nightmare. When I saw that Angel come out of the ground, for a moment I thought it was happening all over again. I could hear it, when it was hurt, screaming. It was hate. I felt its hate for us, but I didn't know why." He paused only to take a drink, and slow himself. "That's all I can really remember about being inside the one that took my Eva. I thought I'd forgotten it completely. But it all came back up, just like that Angel. I've never seen one that close before. Except for that one time, when Kensuke and I were in Unit 01."   
  
"It's all right to be afraid, Touji. I feel it every time I have to send you guys out."  
  
He shook his head. "That's... not it, Misato. I'm not afraid of piloting. You know, I didn't want to, when I was first chosen. I'd seen how much it hurt to pilot one by watching Shinji. I wasn't afraid of the pain. I was afraid of hurting someone, like my sister. And then I had to sit there and watch while that Angel hurt Asuka and Rei. That's why I agreed when you asked me to join again, after the Impact. All the Angels do is hate and kill. It hurts to pilot an Eva, but it's better than what those things do."  
  
"And when I saw it, it all just came back. They are alive, Misato. Whatever the Angels are, they are alive. That one we fought... did it seem odd, to you? Like it wasn't... working right?"  
  
Misato thought about it. "All the Angels seem different to me, Touji. No two have ever looked the same. But you're right. There was something different about the one we fought. It was like it hadn't learned how to use its body. It didn't really know what it should do."  
  
"There's something else. I didn't put it in my report, because I didn't really... I wasn't completely sure it happened. But when it looked at Rei, it..." He paused, still unsure if he believed it himself. "It smiled at her, Misato. Whatever those things are, they understand what we are. I think that may be why they hate us, too."  
  
"Do you want something else? I've got liquor."  
  
They both smiled a little, and Touji shook his head. "No, Misato. Thanks, though, for listening to me."  
  
She nodded. "I'm sorry, Touji. I never meant for you to be hurt."  
  
"I know that. Shinji tells me the same thing all the time. It's not your fault, though. Or his. It's just something that happened. It's just something I'll live with. Hopefully it's something that will die when I kill that last one."  
  
"I hope it does. You want to know something, Touji? I never told any of you this. Not even Shinji. Asuka suspects it, but she's never asked. I saw the first Angel, when it caused the Second Impact. I was right there, in front of it. It rose up out of the ice, screaming. It killed my father. I spent the rest of my life trying to take revenge for that. When the Third Impact happened, I thought it was over, too. We all did. I know exactly what you felt when you saw that Angel wake up."  
  
Touji stared at her in disbelief. After a long moment, he grabbed his beer, and chugged the rest of it. "I guess... well... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up..."  
  
"No, it's all right. I've tried to make up for all that. That's why I work so hard, I guess. I'm trying to make up for everything I put you guys through."  
  
Touji looked at his beer, then up at Misato, and grinned. "I guess we're just a couple of sad drunks, then?"  
  
She smiled back. "Yeah. I guess we are. Does Hikari know you're here?"  
  
He nodded. "I told her it was an emergency, something about Eva. I didn't lie to her. She's a great person. She really tries to be a friend to both me and Asuka, even when we're trying to kill each other. I don't see how she puts up with it."  
  
"You'd be surprised what a girl will put up with," she grinned.  
  
"Yeah, I bet you would, too."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean? I'm a very patient woman, damn it!"  
  
"Sure, sure." He stood slowly, stretching. "Thanks for the food, Misato. You should come over and show Shinji how to make real noodles. He puts all that healthy junk in his."   
  
"Actually, I might just do that. I've been thinking about moving, anyway. There's almost no one out on this side of town, anymore. They're trying to keep part of the lake from being filled in, hoping it'll attract people. It's just kinda silly, really."  
  
Touji bent down, and patted Pen Pen on the head. The penguin gave him a credulous look, and then waddled off. "Well," he said, "I know Shinji and Kensuke wouldn't mind if you dropped by. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be there. Go on, before you start to make Hikari worried."  
  
She heard him leave, and then opened up another beer. She went into the living room after finishing it, turned on some music, and began to exercise. She'd been at it for three years, after Asuka teased her about growing a beer gut. She didn't want to bother with a gym, and doing it in her own apartment helped her to clear her head, and keep her from thinking.  
  
***  
  
"You're late, as usual." He threw a cigarette out into the rain. An empty pack lie on the railing of the balcony. A light breeze was all it took to tip it off.  
  
The man he'd been waiting for stood in the doorway between the balcony and the empty room, watching the rain in front of them. "My, you're so nervous. Afraid someone followed?" His voice sounded mildly amused at the idea.  
  
Of course, he hadn't been followed. He was much too careful for that. Too damn lucky, it seemed.  
  
"This isn't one your stupid childhood games. These people will kill you if they find out what--"  
  
"My friend, you are an idiot. I'm an important man. Important men never die. We just fade away."  
  
"I thought that was old soldiers?" He didn't get a reply. "I wanted to inform you that I found the next body. It should be here, soon."  
  
"You make it sound like a bad thing."  
  
"There's something wrong with them. They don't act like the others. It's as if... their focus is lost." He turned around to face his companion. "Do you know what you're doing? They're not something for you to control. They're not like humans! They've become something... they're turning into beasts! And have you found the mother, yet? Have you?"  
  
"Keep your voice down. People will start to hear you." His own voice never wavered from his usual cool, arrogant tone.  
  
He kept yelling. "There's more than what we thought! There were only supposed to be four. Why were there more than four? You're keeping something from me, just like your damn father!"  
  
He didn't see the fist coming. He certainly never expected it. Not from this man.  
  
"Shut your mouth. You act as if you've never heard of back up plans, before. There are going to be as many as there need to be. If you don't like it, you can quit. But I will make this world what it is supposed to be. Gendo, and my father, and all their friends didn't have what we have. And that, my friend, is the truth. The truth that people can't always be counted on to go with the tide of the future."  
  
He pulled a cigar from his pocket, and lit it. "So we'll just bring the future to them. Now, get up. I need you to do something for me, before it gets here. You'll have to go in, but that shouldn't be a problem for a professional like you, right?" His voice was one that promised very bad things if one dared to disobey him.  
  
And that's what was frightening about him. He always kept his promises. Always.  
  
***  
  
"Good night, Chief!"  
  
"G'night!" Yoshi waved, as he became the last tech in the GeoFront. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he made one last round, turning off every excess bit of electricity. He spent so much time here that people wondered if he actually had his own home, or just lived at NERV HQ. The only people here at this time of night besides him were security. Even the janitors had left long before now.  
  
He wandered back to his office, and went through the data on his computer. It was frustrating beyond end. Just when he thought he might actually have a breakthrough, it all fell through. The Angel's body was deteriorating. This didn't give them much of a chance to collect any samples, which had also begun to decay, even when placed in preservation. The core was a wreck. He knew there was no other way, but it would have been nice if Rei could have avoided gutting the thing.  
  
He would look back through all the old combats, all the old data... none of it made much sense. The Angels seemed composed of a type of matter that could resist any environment, but had a basic structure much like that of human beings. They had both particle and wave form properties, much like light. They came from nowhere, with the sole purpose of destruction. They could possess an Eva. They could apparently take any form they chose, but took on the drawbacks that went with it. They could invade the human mind and turn a person against their self.  
  
But in no way did any of them resemble the first Angel.  
  
Adam had triggered a global cataclysm, and was then destroyed. But why did it destroy itself? Where the other Angels creatures birthed from Adam, or pieces of him that had split off?  
  
Where had the Lance of Longinuss come from?  
  
His stomach asked him when he was going to eat.  
  
He sighed, and closed all the data. He gathered up the loose files lying on his desk, and headed for the door.  
  
Even the Magi could only make various, wide conjectures. It seemed to Yoshi that the true power and misery of the Angels manifested in the mysteries and amount of paperwork they produced.  
  
His only comfort as he left that night was that Misato had dissolved and restructured NERV's intelligence department. Those bastards were as creepy as it got when Yoshi had first joined. NERV had been little more than one lie within another, a puppet without its strings. The intelligence department hadn't made that any easier; most who hadn't already left their jobs didn't want to leave, and almost none of them were willing to give up all the dirty secrets and information they'd collected at Gendo Ikari's request over the years.  
  
To be frank, they had frightened him. He was, at the very least, relieved that they no longer kept such close tabs on him. He didn't feel so watched, now, as he left HQ for the night. The only thing that could hear or see him was the Evas. Under their gaze, he didn't feel fear. He only felt a strange fascination, a calling to open their secrets, and let them pour out.  
  
He just hoped that he didn't end up regretting it.  
  
***  
  
It had awoken.  
  
It had no purpose.  
  
It reached out, with a sense beyond anything a human could understand, for the one it sought. It did not feel fear, when it found the one was gone. Fear was a human emotion, understandable only to them. The one it sought was gone, and its purpose was lost. Becoming whole had been its purpose.  
  
Now it was free to make a choice. It had to find a purpose. A thing without purpose has no form. This was dangerous, for without either of these things, its existence would cease. It had to find something, anything, to latch on to, and give it life.  
  
It did not search long. There was... something close by. Something that held a piece of the one it was looking for.  
  
The only thing between it, and this one, was many lives.  
  
They were deemed insignificant in the face of regaining purpose.  
  
It had to exist for something beyond the self, or it would cease to be.  
  
This it knew.  
  
This, in its own way, it feared.  
  
It shared the memory of those who had come before. They had all fallen, except for one. The traitor who learned how to be human.  
  
It would find purpose in vengeance, and then purpose in this new fragment.  
  
And nothing would stand in its way.  
  
Not even the demons.  
  
End Part 2  
  
Author's Notes: Ah, the author introduces more pointless original characters! Will the zany parade never end? Please, Auntie Mame, say it won't! I don't want it to end! Sorry. I'm my own worst critic. Anyway, the usual hopes that you enjoyed this chapter. I'm not totally sure where this is going, so join me on my magical quest! (*slap!*) Sorry. The plot is developing, as are the characters. I think that's a good sign. (Besides, if you think about it, are you the same person you were four years ago? Two?) I'll have part 3 posted soon. C&C can be posted here on fanfiction.net, or sent to loneshark707@hotmail.com.   
  
  



	3. Kill the Retrospect

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 3: Kill the Retrospect  
  
The central area of Tokyo 3 had been decimated in the final battles between the Angels and the  
nascent members of Eva Team 01. Only the surrounding suburbs sheltered in the hills had avoided destruction. Still, anyone who hadn't left in those last days was considered crazy-brave or stubborn-foolish.   
  
After Third Impact, the UN and the Japanese government worked with what many considered inhuman, or possibly just inhumane, speed and diligence to rebuild Tokyo 3, that it may once again be used as home and base of operations for NERV and the pilots of the Evangelion Units. The national debt caused by this was something that the politicians tried very hard to disguise. Production of Eva units for overseas operations were delayed or canceled altogether as funding went into rebuilding the wasted city.  
  
Years ago, Shinji had stood up in that lookout in the hills, and watched the sun set on a fortress of science and light. The view during the day was no less grand, and the city was once again what it had been, but it just didn't seem as... alive. It never did. In the light of the sun, it was all hard, glittering steel. The sun reflected off the skyscrapers, giving the city a brilliant, diamond quality to it, seeming equally as bright and hard. The night seemed to soften it, make it a place that was more real and touchable than it could ever be in the daytime.  
  
He came up here for many of the same reasons other people came up into the hills above the city: exercise, peace, clean air. At least, that's what anyone could assume. He stood on that patch of grass, and could see the city at night, no matter what time of day. It gave him a sense of peace, to know that the city was alive, that the people down there were alive, and living their own lives, and making them into what they chose. Nothing, not Instrumentality, or the Angels, or even God could take that away. It had simply never been something that could be taken.  
  
It was never something that was missing. That's why it had failed, he decided. It had been negated when he'd discovered the truth.  
  
The cell phone in his pocket rang. He didn't feel like answering, but knew that there were those who would be worried if he didn't. He answered it. "Yeah, it's Shinji."  
  
"It's Misato. Where are you? I need you to get here right now."  
  
"What is it? You sound worried?" Somehow, he'd been expecting this.  
  
"We've found something coming towards Tokyo 3. It hasn't been identified yet, but we probably will before you get here." She hung up.  
  
He went back to his car, and turned it towards NERV HQ. Some things were never over, could never be taken, and were never lost.  
  
He just really hated it when he was right about the first.  
  
***  
  
When Shinji entered the Strategy Room, everyone except Rei was there.  
  
"Have you seen Rei?" Misato immediately asked him.  
  
He shook his head. "I haven't seen her since yesterday."  
  
"She hasn't answered her phone. I've already sent someone to find her. Just get over here and I'll bring everyone up to speed. About an hour and a half ago we detected an object moving towards Tokyo 3. We can only get satellite photos, as any cameras we send out get scrambled." A screen showed an overhead view of Japan, then the region around Tokyo 3, then a vague, gray image moving in from the north.   
  
"It's not moving very fast, but it still only gives us thirty minutes to deploy the Evas and our equipment. It has been identified as an Angel, but that's all we know."  
  
"What? Why's that?"  
  
Yoshi said, "Actually, that's what the Magi would like to know. Although they've identified it as an Angel, they also claim that it should not exist."  
  
"Because they're all supposed to be dead," Asuka said.  
  
"Yes. Part of the reason the Magi were created was to analyze the Angels and their purpose. Now they don't know what to think."  
  
"Regardless," Misato said, "We will deploy the Evas and attack. We can't give you very much support, but we'll try. If we lose communication, Lieutenant Ikari will take command. Is that understood?"  
  
They all answered, "Yes ma'am."  
  
"All right, prepare to launch."  
  
***  
  
Rei Ayanami lay sprawled out on the floor of her apartment. She had been sleeping, she was sure. But how had she ended up here? She'd meant to go over to Shinji's place for breakfast, but between the bathroom and the front door, she'd stopped. She didn't know why. She didn't remember falling here. Had she cracked her head when she fell?   
  
She didn't move. Time didn't move for her. She herself could not move, only watch the ceiling above her. She did not hear, nor felt, nor sensed anything that was associated with consciousness. She could only watch.  
  
A shadow moved over her vision. The outline was blurred, and only looked vaguely human. She could not make out the face, and the figure had no substance. She stared at it as it stared at her, unfeeling and unmoving. Then it came into focus, growing closer to her. An unreal hand reached out and touched her face, gently caressing her.  
  
"You don't have to be afraid," it said. "I don't want to harm you, Rei. I want to be with you. To be a part of you."  
  
"You can't," she said without moving her lips. "Let me go. I don't want to be here."  
  
"I can't. I did not bring you here. You brought yourself."  
  
"That's a lie. Why would I want to come here again?" Where was here? Was she still in her apartment? No, it had changed. She was in that place where the Other had dwelt. Behind her eye, far in the back of her mind. She'd thought that she had escaped this place.  
  
"You are the lie," she said. "You are the shadow of a lie, and you hate it. Be with me, be one with me, and you will be whole."  
  
"But I won't be myself."  
  
"And what are you? Do you now think yourself irreplaceable? That does not matter. Everything is irreplaceable because everything changes. Some part of you dies each day so that the new Self can be born. Death gives way to Birth. I do not fear death. You didn't either, once."  
  
"I don't fear death. I am not the person I used to be. I live for my own dreams, not those of my creator."  
  
"Your creator's purpose was flawed. So are you. So am I. We are only incomplete beings, shadows of what we could become. We can rise above our creators and create something new."  
  
"At what cost? The loss of my Self? The loss of my identity? I won't let you take that from me again. I will not give that up again. I did not do it for him, and I will not do it for you."  
  
"Then you will be forced."  
  
The shadow was gone, replaced by a massive hand. It reached out for her. She tried to move, but couldn't. She wanted to get away, or fight back, or do anything but be taken. But her body was not her own.  
  
Her Self was being stolen.  
  
  
She awoke with a gasp, sweat pouring down her face. For a moment, all she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating in her ears. She breathed, trying to slow it down. How long had she been asleep? Someone was pounding at her front door, crying her name.  
  
She threw herself out of bed, and answered the door. Kensuke was there, panting from all his shouting.  
  
"Um, Kensuke? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Rei? Where have you been?" He looked panicked.  
  
She backed up a little, confused by his answer. "I've been asleep. Where else would I be?" She looked past him, and saw that there were no shadows being cast, as if it were already noon. "Um, what time is it?"  
  
"It's noon. They've been trying to reach you all morning, but you didn't answer the phone. Misato asked me to come over before she had to send someone from Headquarters."  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Didn't you hear the sirens? There's another Angel! Come on, we don't have a lot of time!"  
  
"But I-Whoa!" She cried out as he grabbed her wrist and led her to his car. If anyone else had been on the road, she would have feared for her life. Kensuke drove desperately toward NERV HQ, his little car tilting as it rounded corners. "Ken- Kensuke, slow down! What is this about? You said there was another Angel?"  
  
"Yeah, they just spotted it this morning. Misato's been trying to call you. Why didn't you pick up the phone?"  
  
"I... I was asleep." Had she?  
  
"Until noon? Rei, you've got to stop letting Asuka goad you into those drinking contests."  
  
"It wasn't that. I don't know why I was still asleep."  
  
Kensuke finally noticed that she was still wearing her pajamas. Her hair was unwashed, and she was still wiping crust out of her eyes. She had been asleep when he got there! But, even with a hangover, Rei didn't normally sleep until noon. Sitting next to Rei in her underwear was suddenly making it more difficult to concentrate on the road.  
  
"Um, are you... feeling okay? Shinji mentioned that you hadn't been sleeping well."  
  
"It's... nothing you need to worry about. Let's just get there before the Angel does." She looked out the window, going silent. It usually meant that she was thinking about something, and wouldn't tell you until she was ready. All he could do was drive faster.  
  
***  
  
This felt familiar. They were set up in an ambush, waiting for the Angel to come near. The only place to hide an Eva was behind a large hill. Asuka was oddly silent. She kept her eyes open for any sign of it. The satellite photos could only give them a general location. When it came within sight, the real battle would begin. She'd nearly taken the last one down. She wasn't afraid of these things beating her, and she no longer feared anyone else beating her.  
  
But why was her heart pounding like this? There was a feeling in her stomach... like a pit opening up and sucking down her gut. She clenched her teeth, and ignored it. It must be my damn period again, she decided.   
  
"Where is the god damned thing?" She was getting impatient.  
  
"Calm down, Asuka. I'm in no hurry for it to show up," Touji said.  
  
"I want to get this over with," she growled. "You know I hate ambushes."  
  
"That's because you're not patient enough for 'em."  
  
"Look, you! I-"  
  
Shinji cut her off. "How long are you two going to keep at this? You both know better than to fight while on a mission. So cut it out. Now."  
  
She didn't know what she hated more. Waiting for an enemy that could possibly kill her, or her own boyfriend chewing her out.  
  
"Misato." He opened a channel to HQ. "Is Rei there, yet?"  
  
"Don't worry, we found her. She's getting ready, now. We'll have to air lift her if she's going to be any use."  
  
"Understood. We'll need all the help we can get."  
  
"It's coming your way. Fifteen seconds until the target is within firing range. Get ready."  
  
The silence around them built up like a fog. All they could see of the enemy was a blip on a screen. Again, Asuka clenched her teeth. What the hell was wrong? All she had to do was provide cover fire while Shinji moved in. She didn't care about being back up. A long time ago, she'd learned to swallow her pride. Well, maybe it wasn't so long ago. But she didn't care about that, anymore. She wasn't afraid of dying. She'd have never let herself get close to Shinji if she was afraid.  
  
So why did this feeling in her stomach feel so much like fear?  
  
"Here it comes!" She looked up. "Asuka, go for it!"  
  
Unit 02 rose up from its hiding place, and aimed for the hunched form floating in mid air. Its head jutted out from its body, which was more of a bulbous floating mass. Tentacles hung from its sides, big gray pseudopods almost as wide as an Eva. It had no legs, but only seemed to hang in the air.   
  
Unit 02 aimed its rifle, and let loose. A couple of bullets made it through, but its AT Field quickly appeared. Its eyes swiveled atop the head, peering at her. It started to move when Unit 03 appeared, and fired its rocket launcher. Both Evas continued to fire. The Angel seemed momentarily confused, unable to resolve two simultaneous attackers.  
  
"Unit 01, move in!" Shinji leapt out, expanding his AT Field as he charged the Angel. Their fields collided, warping the air around them. His knife flashed against the other field, trying to cut through. It couldn't hold, and the knife slipped through, and plunged into the Angel's flesh. It rushed forward, knocking over Unit 01.   
  
"Shinji!" Asuka immediately rushed over, still firing her rifle at it. The bullets made it through again, tearing into the flesh. It turned, and a tentacle lashed out, slamming her back. Unit 01 rose again, slashing with its knife. The Angel backed away under the assault, its pseudopods flailing. It struck Unit 01 with them, but Shinji pressed his attack, and drove his knife between the monster's eyes. Its tentacles went rigid, and then hung limp. It fell to the ground in a sagging heap.   
  
Units 01 and 02 slowly got back to their feet, their pilots gasping to catch their breath. Unit 03 slowly approached, keeping the launcher aimed at the fallen Angel. Touji and Shinji stood over it. It didn't even twitch. Asuka stood back, the pit in her stomach refusing to go away.  
  
Touji poked it with his Evas foot. "Heh. That's it? It wasn't so tough."  
  
"Misato, it's Shinji. The target has been-"  
  
"Shinji!" Asuka saw the body move, and it was already too late. "Look out!" The whole thing shuddered, and then exploded outward in a mass of tentacles. Unit 01 was slammed back to the ground. They wrapped themselves around Unit 03's limbs and torso. Touji cried out. The Eva was lifted off its feet, and then slammed into the ground. Unit 01 sat up and pulled out its pistol, firing into the mass. A dead eye turned to him, and additional tentacles wrapped themselves around Unit 01's neck.   
  
Asuka could hear Shinji. He was being strangled. His only voice was a croak. She rushed forward, firing at the Angel. The bullets didn't even seem to matter. They sank into the warped flesh, and were swallowed up. Its eyes looked towards her, but it did not act. She kept firing at its tentacles, trying to sever them.  
  
Misato's voice came from somewhere, trying to contact them, but Asuka couldn't hear it. The radio signal from HQ was breaking down.  
  
Shinji's voice was barely audible. "Asuka... stay back."  
  
"No!" She drew her knife, and slashed at the tentacles. The Angel grew more, and bashed at her with them. Her Eva was knocked aside, skidding across the ground. A shock filled her head as she hit the ground. The hit was too hard. Her eyes were unfocused. She couldn't see the Angel. She could feel something wrapping around her Eva's ankle. "Get off of me, damn it!" She kicked, and the tentacle snaked up her leg, squeezing. She screamed reflexively.  
  
Her knife was somewhere. She groped for it as she kicked. Touji managed to pull his pistol free, and was firing. The bullets did little more than swim through the hide. Asuka looked for her knife to try and fight back, pushing herself up off the ground.  
  
Something again struck her head, and the world vanished. She could hear screaming. Was it her? She wanted to scream. She could only thrash blindly. Then her fingers closed around something sharp. It dug into her Eva's hand. She didn't let go. The pain was nothing, if it would let her save him. She slid her fingers along the blade until she found the hilt.  
  
She whirled, and the blade sliced through the Angel's tentacle. It screamed, and reared back, momentarily loosing focus. Asuka lunged, stabbing the Angel's body before it could raise its field. She raised the knife, and stabbed again. She stabbed it until it would not dare to move, blood spurting from the bulbous flesh. She struck something vital-- the brain, core, whatever it may have been-- and the creature gave one final scream as brilliant light shone from its eyes, and it died.  
  
She stood, and helped her companions. Shinji held his head. "Damn it, Asuka, I told you to stay back," he said in a groggy voice.  
  
She smiled. "Then make it an order next time, you idiot."  
  
"You could've gotten killed."  
  
"You would have gotten killed if I wasn't here. You're totally useless without me. Now shut up and help me lift Touji."  
  
***  
  
Rei sat alone in Misato's office. Eva Unit 00 had never launched, as she had arrived too late to be of any use, and all communications with Eva Team 01 had failed due to internal malfunction. The on-site teams were already clearing the battlefield by the time a carrier was readied. She could barely look her friends in the face when they came back. She had wanted to be out there with them, to help them. But something else had other plans.  
  
Misato walked in, and sat down in front of her. "Rei, I know you're upset." The young woman didn't look up. "I'm not going to bawl you out, so you can relax." She still didn't look up. Misato sighed. "Rei, this isn't like you, you're-"  
"That's the problem." She stopped Misato dead. "I know that I'm behaving strangely. My dreams… seem to be more real. This morning, I dreamed I was awake. I didn't hear the phone, or the sirens. I'm sorry."  
  
Misato waited, and then said, "Shinji told me about the dream you had before the Angels reappeared. Was it another dream like that?" Rei looked up at her. "Don't be mad at him. He's only worried. You know how he is."  
  
"I know. You all worry about me. Because of what I..."  
  
"Don't be stupid, Rei! We worry because you're our friend. You're one of my pilots. There will be hell to pay for anyone who tries to harm you." She was upset, but it was because she was genuinely worried about her.   
  
Rei couldn't keep herself from smiling. "Thank you, Misato. But I... I don't know what this is, yet. It's something... something I tried to forget about. I thought it didn't matter anymore, because I... we thought it was gone."  
  
"Does it have to do with your dream? The one about Kaoru?"  
  
"It wasn't completely a dream. Before he died, Kaoru told me that I was like him. Part of me was an Angel, then."  
  
"Rei, you-"  
  
"No, Misato. It's the truth. You know why I was created. You remember it, don't you? From the Instrumentality? It was the whole reason Dr. Ikari created me. I knew it the whole time."  
  
"But you're different, now."  
  
"I know. That's because I thought Instrumentality had killed off that part of me that was not human. It gave me a chance to care if I lived or died. Shinji, and Asuka, and everyone else told me that I couldn't be replaced. Who I am... is who I chose to be."  
  
"And what now? You think that's a lie?" Misato tried not to be angry, but she couldn't help herself.   
  
"No," Rei said. Misato relaxed a little. "I know it's not a lie, but it's not entirely true, anymore." She stood to leave, her mind racing. There was something inside of her, something that responded to these thoughts. Maybe it could show her what to do. "Only one thing is certain for me right now, Commander. I am not a doll."  
  
She closed the door quietly behind her. Misato sat back in her chair, her own mind busying itself. She'd hate to admit to Asuka that there might be something to what she'd said. Rei was the First Child, but she'd also been created, not born like the rest of them.   
  
But did that make her any less human? She acted just like a human. She ate, breathed, walked, talked, and had human thoughts and feelings. The part of her that hadn't been human, that kept her in fear and seeking an end to a pointless existence, had died. Burned up.   
  
And then they clamored around her, and became her friends. Not out of feelings of obligation or pity. It was almost reflexive. They'd all been together before the Impact, but never as close as they were now. It just seemed... right that they keep going this way. Even Asuka seemed to genuinely want this, which probably came as the biggest surprise.   
  
A knock at her door awoke Misato from her thoughts. "Come in."  
  
Osamu Kitari opened the door, smiling easily. "Good afternoon, Commander. I just wanted to congratulate you on the battle. Mind if I come in?"  
  
She shook her head, and Kitari closed the door behind him. "Thanks. Things could've gone better, if our communications hadn't started cutting off. It probably wouldn't happen if we could upgrade and service the equipment while staying within budget."  
  
He nodded, and sat down. "Yes, I remember seeing something slipped in with your budget request that seemed much like a debate on if the UN was withholding funding because they truly wished to see NERV rot, or just didn't care about the lives of the people you protect."  
  
Misato shrugged shamelessly. "Just an honest question."  
  
Kitari nodded. "I understand. Politicians are a tight-fisted bunch. I should know, being one. So have you discovered what the problem was, yet?"  
  
"I have Dr. Iwano looking into it." She noticed Kitari raise an eyebrow. "He doesn't seem like the type to handle it, I know, but he's an intelligent man. There's little I don't trust him to handle."  
  
Kitari smiled, "Well, I'm sure your judgment will prove itself." He glanced around the office, his gaze settling on a picture of Misato and the Evangelion pilots. "How is Miss Ayanami? She seemed troubled when she was walking away from your office."  
  
"She's... just not feeling well. She's upset about not being there for the others."  
  
"Yes, you all do seem to be very close. Has it always been this way?"  
  
"Only since after the Impact. A lot has happened since then, but it'd take me all night to tell you about it." Misato studied the man for a moment. He wasn't unhandsome. He always seemed relaxed, even this afternoon, in the command center, when things were getting hectic; he kept a visage of calm. It didn't repel Misato, but it didn't attract her to him. He seemed more like a cat, watching things around him with an aloof curiosity. Even the way he sat on the couch now, in her office, reminded her of this.  
  
And then there were his eyes. They were strange things, brown one minute, but in the right light they would suddenly flash with an excited golden light. They would never focus on one thing for very long, but when they did, he stared intently. She realized that he was staring at her now.  
  
"Something the matter, Commander Katsuragi?"  
  
She started. "Oh! No, sorry, just... a lot to think about. Um, just Misato, thanks."  
He smiled, "Thank you, Misato." He stood, "Well, then, I guess I should-"  
  
Misato's stomach growled. She stiffened with embarrassment. Osamu blinked, and then laughed.   
Her face brightened. "Excuse me."  
  
"No, it's quite all right. Tell you what, let me take you to dinner. Purely professional."  
  
"Oh, no, I--"  
  
"Please, think of it as a gift from the UN. I was getting hungry myself. Besides, I can write it off as a business expense." He smiled in a way that made it almost pitiable.   
  
Her mind tried to find another way out of this. She was, unfortunately, out of practice, and other parts of her anatomy started to take over when she saw him smile. She tried to remind herself that she should be thinking about her job. She should be worrying about Rei.  
  
"Sure. I just have some stuff to file through, first."  
  
"Excellent! I'll just come back in... an hour?"  
  
"Yeah, that'd be fine." The door opened.  
  
Yoshi rushed in without knocking. "Commander! I'm glad I caught you, there's something that I really need to go over with you about Eva's..." His sentence died off when he registered the presence of Osamu Kitari. "Oh, I'm really sorry. I didn't know you were here. I'll just-"  
  
"No, Yoshi, it's okay!" Misato almost jumped out of her chair. "Mr. Kitari and I were just about to get something to eat. Why don't you come with us? I mean, if you don't mind, Mr. Kitari?"  
  
Yoshi recognized the undertones in her voice. He glanced to Osamu, who just smiled.  
  
"Of course not. Please, call me Osamu. You too, Dr. Iwano. I'd be happy for you to join us. Perhaps you could explain to the Commander what's so important, eh?" He seemed genuine, and that only made Yoshi even more uncomfortable. He looked to Misato again. That look was in her face.  
  
"Yeah," he relented. "I'd be glad to." Perfectly rehearsed lines, my boy. Your voice didn't shake at all.  
  
"Then I'll see you both in an hour." Osamu turned with one last smile and wave, and walked out the door. Yoshi almost swore that the man slinked when he walked.  
  
He turned back to Misato, who hung her head in shame.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I will be putting this in for overtime, you know?"  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
Yoshi sighed, and turned to the door. "I guess I'd better go get ready. I'll just give you this report in the morning. It's not that important, all things considered."  
  
"Thanks, Yoshi. You don't know how much I mean that."  
  
"Oh no, Misato. I do." He closed the door, and went back to his own office. He was used to being trapped in this position. Every friend he'd ever had who was of the opposite sex did this to him on multiple occasions. He was resigned to the position in life of being the "safe guy." He'd seen that pleading message in Misato's face many times in the three years that he'd come to work at NERV. It said, "Please, good friend, I don't completely trust myself. Come along so I don't end up doing something that will give me cause to find the mouthwash in the morning? Pretty please?"  
  
Of course, he knew that Misato was completely capable of taking care of herself. She could stand up to anything. She'd become a friend to him as soon as he'd started working here, and he recognized that strength in her right away. So why did she really want him to come along?  
Damn it, she really needed to get laid again, didn't she? And she didn't want to cause an incident with the UN supervisor. Although it might help with attaining some much needed extra funding. Maybe if he just discreetly helped her to get some instead of staying sober...  
  
No, Yoshi thought. She knew where he lived. She'd come after him for that. And this time the gun might not be loaded with blanks.  
  
***  
  
Later that night it had begun to rain again. Asuka stood outside on the balcony, watching the rainfall straight and hard on the city around them. The sound made it harder for her to think, which was good. The problem was that she had begun to think too much with her heart, and not her mind. The former was much harder to silence, because it could ignore many of the pressures that the mind endured. She only confused the problem further when she tried to put the concerns of her heart in to terms her mind could comprehend.  
  
She wondered what the hell was wrong with her. Today's mission had been just like any other. They had an enemy; they attacked it. That the enemy was an Angel didn't change anything. This she could rationalize easily. But she had been so nervous today. It was silly. Worse, it was almost stupid.   
  
She'd acted so irrationally, like she was a novice. She could have been killed. That didn't worry her, when she thought about it. She wasn't afraid of being beaten by an enemy, or by Rei, or Shinji. She knew that Touji would never beat her. The fear she'd had wasn't a fear of her own death or defeat.  
  
She just didn't want to admit it to herself. She was being stubborn, as usual.  
  
Now the rain was really starting to annoy her.  
  
Shinji stood quietly behind her. It was a rare occasion for Asuka to be conscious and silent at the same time. Even when unconscious, she had a habit of talking in her sleep. These moments were the closest thing to serenity he could witness. He walked up beside her, and leaned on the railing.  
  
"Now will you tell me what's bothering you?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"You've been like this for two days." She'd been worse since the battle. He sighed, and looked out at the rain and the night. "You're always so damn stubborn, and you try to hide what's bothering you. I really wish you'd just come out and tell me, sometimes."  
  
"You want to know?" She looked at him. "You want to hear me say it?"  
  
Shinji looked confused. He didn't understand why she was suddenly so angry. "Well, I, uh..."  
  
"Because of you, all right! It's your fault that I'm pissed off! Because you had to go out there in front again. Because that Angel almost killed you today. All I could do was sit there and listen while you were dying. Why the hell do you think I didn't listen to you? You could have died!"  
  
"Asuka, I--"  
  
"What? You were just doing what you had to do? Damn you, Shinji, why can't you stop being so dense?" She faced him, and swung her fist into his chest. Then she fell against him. "You're such an idiot." He started to say something, but she put her hand over his mouth to stop him. "Say you're sorry, and I'll really hurt you."   
  
He pulled her hand away, but held on to it. "So you were worried about me?"  
  
"What the hell do you think? Of course I was, dumbkopf. Damn it, Shinji. You should know all of this by now. If you ever... I swear I'm going to..." She clenched her teeth, trying not to cry.  
  
Shinji wrapped his arms around her. "I'm not going to let that happen. I promise."  
  
"If you do, I'll make you regret it. You got that?"  
  
"Do you always have to be such a pain?" He cried out as she kicked his foot. "All right, all right. I got it." They stood there, holding each other. Shinji looked out across the city. It reminded him of the last time they'd been like this. That had been only a couple of years ago. He'd almost forgotten when it was. It felt like they'd been together for a lot longer than two years.  
  
He asked, "You remember the last time this happened, right? I can't remember how long ago it was."  
  
"That's because you're dense." She sighed, finding comfort against the warmth of his body. "Yeah, I remember. It was two years ago. It'll be three years, next week."  
  
***  
  
Three years ago. It had been raining, just like this. They were still living with Misato, then. There was nothing much to do during those first months of NERV's reconstruction. The construction of new schools and residences in the suburbs had been much swifter, so they had no choice but to finish their education. Although Asuka complained the entire time that she'd already been through this.  
  
She leaned on the railing of the balcony, watching the rain. The sky matched her mood: dark, brooding, and pissed off. It was better this way.   
  
It wasn't any of her business what he was out doing. It couldn't possibly be that interesting, anyway. And the girl he was with was not near as pretty as Asuka was. It was pointless to even try and compare them. To hell with it, let the girl go out and be miserable and see how boring that idiot can be.  
  
He was an idiot. She shouldn't even be thinking about him. He's boring, and stupid, and she's had to put up with him almost every day for the past two years. That's more time than she ever spent with her foster parents. She even stayed with him after the Impact. Only because without her he'd never get anything done.  
  
So why the hell was she agonizing over this?  
  
Why did seeing him go out with that other girl hurt her so much?  
  
"God damn you, Shinji. You're such an idiot."  
  
She didn't hear Shinji walk in. He kicked his shoes off, and went to the kitchen. It was a mess, as usual. Misato must have tried to make dinner. Pen Pen looked up at him, expectantly, nodding towards his empty dish. Then again, Misato must not have been home, yet. She'd never forget to feed him. Even Angels hadn't kept Pen Pen from getting his dinner. Shinji filled the penguin's dish, and poked his head into the living room. He saw Asuka standing out on the balcony. She watched the rain, silent and peaceful for once in her life.  
  
Why the hell had he been so miserable tonight? The girl he'd gone out with was smart, and very pretty, but he just hadn't seemed very interested in the date. He hadn't been interested, honestly. Something kept nagging at him, some kind of guilt pulling at his chest. He realized that it was returning as he watched Asuka.   
  
What the hell was he thinking? He was standing here, watching her, and feeling... pain? Over what? He was sure Asuka wouldn't care if he went out. She hadn't said anything before he left. And why the hell should he care if she had something to say about it? All she'd do was tell him what an idiot he was. Then he would retort with something, probably a crack about her period, and then they'd just argue.  
  
And he'd actually wished that Asuka had been there, even if she was just going to argue with him. He wanted her to be there, arguing with him, rather than see her alone and brooding at home. Rather than being with some other girl.  
  
He walked out onto the balcony, making enough noise for her to hear him. He leaned on the railing, and looked out at the rain. "Hey."  
  
She didn't look up at him. She frowned at the night. "I didn't hear you come in. How was your date?"   
  
"Pretty miserable." She looked at him, slightly shocked. "She was smart, pretty, and I was miserable and dull the whole time."  
  
She looked at the rain. "Typical. I could have told you that was going to happen."  
  
Shinji opened his mouth to say something, but the words stuck in his throat. What the hell was he doing? Something had almost slipped out that he wasn't sure he'd regret. Did he really want to say this? Blood rushed to his head, and he could feel his heart pounding. What the hell was going on? They always made this sort of thing seem easy in the movies.  
  
But it wasn't. This was something even more frightening than an Angel.  
  
Asuka looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Why didn't he say something? He just looked at her, his mouth gaping. What the hell was he thinking? Why didn't he just say something to her? Anything. Even if he told her that he hated her, it was better than this silence. At least she'd know he felt something.  
  
Finally, Asuka tightened her fists, and growled. She turned on him. "Damn it, Shinji, will you say something?"  
  
He snapped out of his daze. "I... Well what do you want me to say?"  
  
"You're asking me? I thought you were telling me how miserable you were on your date. You think that's so damn important? I was sitting here miserable for your date because I knew how dull you were going to be."  
  
He sighed, and looked at the rain. "Sorry. I didn't know."  
  
She fumed. "Damn it, when are you going to stop apologizing? Why can't you just yell back at me? You're such an idiot, and you're dull, and stupid, and wouldn't even know what you wanted if it hit you!"  
  
He stood straight, and looked at her. "I only apologized because I really did feel sorry for you. And what the hell do you have to be miserable about, anyway?"  
  
"You want to know?"  
  
"Yeah. Maybe it'll explain why you're being so mean and stubborn."  
  
"Because of you, you idiot!" Her face started to turn red. She balled her hands into tight fists. "Because you apologize to me, and you ignore me when I yell at you, and I can never tell if you really care or not. Damn it, if you'd just tell me you hate me I could live with that. I hate you! You're stupid and a jerk and you're not the same boy I could yell at and I wish you would just hate me back!"   
  
"I don't have a reason to hate you, Asuka."  
  
"And why not? After everything I've said to you, why can't you just hate me back?"  
  
"Because I love you, damn it, that's why!" He yelled at her, looking at her in anger. She raised a fist, readying to hit him. He stood straight, and stared at her, unmoving. Her eyes and face were red with anger.   
  
Her fist dropped, and she fell against him, putting her face against his chest. Shinji froze for a moment from the shock of anger and love all going through the two of them at once. Then he hugged her to him.   
  
She cried on his chest. "Damn it, I love you. Why did it have to be you? Why do I love you?" She almost laughed. It should be pathetic that she was crying over a silly, stupid boy. And now it didn't seem so pathetic anymore.  
  
They held each other silently for what seemed to be forever. Finally, they went back inside, and sat on the couch. Asuka lied out across it, resting her head in his lap.   
  
"Asuka, are you sure you want this?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"In the Impact, I... saw what happened to you. I saw you're mother, and you as a little girl. I remember what you said, about..."  
  
She was silent for a while. "I know. I pushed you, and Rei, and even Misato away because I didn't want to be hurt. I acted childish because I didn't want to die because of someone else. I didn't want the Angels, or you, to beat me. I thought it meant no one would want me.  
  
"But... something's different now. I hated seeing all of that. I hated having it all... exposed, ripped out of me, being forced to see it. Something's changed inside me, now. I realized that the problem was in me. I knew then that I didn't have to be afraid. I'd spent my whole life pushing people away because I didn't want to end up like my mother. That's why I wanted you to hate me back. I'm ashamed of how I was before. I don't want to go back to being afraid and angry at everything."  
  
"I won't hurt you, Asuka. I swear I'd never do that."  
  
"I know." She looked up at him. "You've changed too, you know?"  
  
He nodded. "You saw me, too, right? You saw how deluded I was. I spent my whole life running because I didn't want to be hurt. I thought everyone left me, or hated me, because I was worthless. I thought piloting Eva was the only reason Misato or Touji or Kensuke were ever nice to me. Even though people were nice to me, I didn't believe it, because I couldn't believe in myself. The whole time it was just in my head."  
  
"Mien Gott. We're pathetic."  
  
Shinji quietly thought for a moment, and then said, "If we've really changed so much, then why did it take us so long just to get here?"  
  
"Because you're dense."  
  
He smiled. "Oh, right. I forgot."  
  
When Misato came home that night, she found the two of them asleep on the couch, Asuka lying in Shinji's arms. She stared at them, not entirely surprised, but wondering what she'd missed. Wishing they'd just stop fighting, and then seeing them together like this was the kind of thing that made her want to do something drastic, just in case reality was falling apart again. Maybe she should take up heavy drinking again. Or become a nun. In the end, she put a blanket over them, and went to bed. She knew that the real crisis would start when they began having sex.  
  
***  
  
They lied in bed together, remembering that night. It was amazing, sometimes, that they were still in one piece, after everything they'd gone through. Theirs was a generation that was forced to grow up before its time. They'd faced something that few people in the past or in their future would ever really comprehend. They'd seen the truth of not the world, but the people in it. Their destiny was wholly in their own hands.  
  
Shinji stared at the ceiling, while Asuka snored on his chest. It hadn't been easy. He had to fight for that truth, to discover it, to accept it, and to keep it.  
  
Maybe that's why the Angels return was so terrifying. How many times would he have to fight to make his life his own? Why did they seem so intent on taking it away? Where they really servants of God, or had it just been a convenient label to give creatures that were beyond us?  
  
He'd keep fighting. The girl lying beside him was motivation enough. He had to. For those he loved.  
  
If God had decided that he did not want his children, then Shinji decided that he would make the bastard regret ever having them. Even if it meant facing God himself.  
  
Compared to facing his deepest fears, it was nothing.  
  
End Part 3  
  
Author's Notes: In-freaking-tense, huh?! This has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever written. It's true, as well. Sometimes people don't know love until it literally slaps them in the face and calls them an idiot. Anyway, enough of my sentimental crap. I hope you loved reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Don't worry, I'll start straight away on Chapter 4. I just have to figure out what I'm going to call it. As usual, all C&C can be sent straight to loneshark707@hotmail.com, or just posted here on fanfiction.net. It sends me the reviews, anyway.  



	4. Looking for Blood

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 4: Looking for Blood  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
Seraphim  
  
Chapter 4: Looking for Blood  
  
"You've got to be kidding me?" Misato looked at the report again. She'd expected this would be the case, but she really didn't want to be right. It was never a good thing when she was right. Touji and Kensuke had tried to fix this several times as a joke. Right now she wished that it was another one of their pranks, and they'd just gotten Yoshi and the NERV security staff to go along with it. That would be stretching it, of course, but it'd be better than this.  
  
Of course, it wasn't. "It looks like the damage wasn't just random smashing, either," Yoshi said. "They knew exactly what they were looking for, and where to do the damage. There were no fingerprints, and no damage except in this area here, right to the communications circuits. We think it happened not too long before the Angel attack yesterday."  
  
She looked over the photos. "This is too clean to be a simple sabotage. Someone who knew what they were looking for..."  
  
"I'm having security checks run on all the communications personnel, janitors, and anyone else who could possibly have access."  
  
"Basically the majority of our staff. The main purpose of sabotage is to create chaos, and this bastard just might succeed. Has anyone mentioned seeing anything strange, yet?" Again, she already knew the answer.  
  
Yoshi shook his head. "Of course not. Nothing is ever easy."  
  
Misato dropped the file on her desk. She might be just jumping to conclusions. The sudden return of the Angels was hardly an easily kept secret, not to say that it was a secret. There was also no shortage of people who wouldn't mind discrediting NERV, and the more extreme of those detractors wouldn't care about the cost. That they would have a saboteur amongst them right now was either a dangerously paranoid conclusion, or too convenient for coincidence.   
  
"Whatever you're thinking, Commander, I've probably thought of it, already." Yoshi sat down in a chair in front of her desk. "It's just too much coincidence, right? And whoever would try something now, with the return of the Angels, would have to be, at the least, a very dangerous sociopath."  
  
Misato sighed. "I know. Try seeing if you can check up on some of our former personnel, too."  
  
"Anyone specific in mind?"  
  
"The former Intelligence Department."  
  
Yoshi stiffened a little. To him, that bunch were all expert in the arts of intimidation and keeping secrets. "You know that'll take some time, and you might have to get a few warrants approved."  
  
"We're on constant alert status, these days. It shouldn't be too hard." She looked up when there was a knock at her door. "Come in."  
  
Shinji walked in. "You wanted to see me, Misato?"  
  
"Yeah, Shinji. Go ahead and sit, if you want."  
  
He looked at their expressions. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, it's all right," Yoshi said. "I just wanted to let you know that we're almost ready for testing the new progressive saber. That little episode with the Angel yesterday has got us working overtime to get it developed."  
  
"I thought you said you'd already had it built?" He sat down.  
  
"Well, mostly built. You know how prototypes are." He smiled, obviously trying to make up for something.  
  
"It almost blew up the first time they activated it," Misato said.  
  
Yoshi frowned at her. "You're sadistic, you know that?"  
  
"That's what I keep telling her."  
  
"Anyway, we're hoping to have it ready before next week. We've had to come up with a separate energy supply for it, so at first you'll have some balance problems, but I'm sure you can figure them out."  
  
Shinji nodded, and then looked at the both of them. "So why did you really call me in here?"  
  
Yoshi furrowed his brow. "When the hell did you become a mind reader?"  
  
"I didn't. Misato's about to chew off her thumbnail."  
  
Misato looked at her thumb, then rolled her eyes up. "Figures. Damn old habits. Anyway, you're right, that's not the only reason I called you in here. You haven't noticed anything unusual around here lately, have you?"  
  
"You mean besides Kitari? No." Yoshi and Misato exchanged glances, and Misato handed the folder on her desk to Shinji. "What's this?" He opened it up, and skimmed the photos and the top of the report. His features deepened into a serious study. "So this is why the communications went out yesterday?"  
  
"Yes." Yoshi looked out the window of Misato's office. "The most shameful thing about it is the way the saboteur went through our entire communications network from the inside. I've been able to track back to what terminals he used, but the communications circuits and data logs in each terminal have been destroyed. Whoever did this has a working knowledge of NERV's guts, and knows how to twist them." The others winced. "Sorry. Graphic analogy."  
  
"No, it's fine." Misato turned back to Shinji, who handed the report back to her. "Tell the others about this, but make sure it doesn't go beyond you four, okay? We're going to run checks on everyone, and I'm planning on tracking down some of our old friends from the former Intelligence Department. This definitely seems like their kind of thing."  
  
Shinji nodded, thinking. "Do you want me to ask Kensuke to come in and help out?"  
  
"What?" Yoshi looked back. "You mean that friend of yours who's been applying to be a pilot for the past four years?"  
  
Shinji smirked. "Heh. He told me he'd stopped doing that. Anyway, this is the kind of thing he could help out in, and you know he knows NERV's operating procedures better than any of us."  
  
Misato bit her thumbnail, and then said, "All right, I'll get a pass for him before the end of the day. But make sure he understands how important it is to keep this quiet, okay? That especially includes Kitari. The last thing I need is another shouting match with the UN."  
  
"What's the score on that, anyway? Twelve to fifteen, right?" Yoshi casually flipped the corners of a stack of papers, ignoring Misato's glare.  
  
"No," Shinji said, "It's tied right now, by fifteen to fifteen."  
  
"What, is there a pool going on?" Misato slapped the folder on her desk. "Go on and find something to do. You guys are supposed to be my friends, and here you are torturing me."  
  
"Consider it payback for last night," Yoshi stood and quickly left.  
  
Shinji looked at her. "What's that mean?"  
  
"I'll tell you when you're older." She winked at him.  
  
"Um, right. Anyway, I'll tell everyone to keep their eyes open, okay? Thanks, Misato."  
  
"You are my Lieutenant, now. I can't keep you in the dark." Shinji started to leave, but she stopped him before he reached the door. "Oh, Shinji, there's just one other thing I need to ask you about." She picked up a newspaper sitting on the corner of her desk. "You haven't seen any adds for a decent apartment, have you?"  
  
"Finally deciding to move?"  
  
"Well, since you're living on your own, now, I decided I needed someplace a little smaller."  
  
Shinji smiled. "Actually, there is a place available where I live. The people under us are moving out."  
  
***  
  
Asuka was probably going to kill him for that one. She enjoyed moving out on her own more than any of them. Having Misato so close again would probably make her feel uncomfortable, at least mildly. It didn't matter that she didn't actually live there, of course. Shinji could already imagine her saying, "That's not the point, dumbkopf!"  
  
Taking a shower had been comforting, and let him forget about it. He tried not to think about the sabotage, but it kept pushing its way into his mind. Yoshi had been right. Whoever did it knew how NERV worked. Shinji could only think of three people outside of the former members of NERV Intelligence who knew the HQ that well, and all three had dropped off the face of the earth a long time ago.  
  
When he finished changing, he headed for the cafeteria. Kitari turned the corner not far from there, and stopped Shinji. He smiled in a friendly manner.   
  
"Lieutenant Ikari. Just the man I was thinking of."  
  
"Um, hello, Mr. Kitari." He tried to look for a way out of the man's gaze, but there was really not place to go except the other way. He simply tried to avoid looking at the man's eyes. "Is there a reason you were looking for me?"  
  
"Yes, I was just on my way to the cafeteria. Since you're going that way, why not join me?" He started walking as if he expected Shinji to come along anyway.  
  
He did. He really didn't want to be near this guy. There was something about him that chilled Shinji's bones all the way down to the marrow. His gestures and stride was just too... fluid. Serpentine was a good word. Stalking was better.   
  
But Misato had told them all to be respectful to him, if only because he represented NERV's funding. He could handle just talking to the guy for a few minutes.  
  
They sat down at a table near the window, giving them a view of almost the entire GeoFront.   
"It just seems to me," Kitari said, staring out at the GeoFront, "That you've been trying to avoid me ever since I got here."  
  
Shinji tried to act surprised. "I'm sorry. I try to stay focused on my work here."  
"Hmm. Like your Commander, I see. She's a... strong woman. You used to live with her, didn't you?"  
  
"When I was a kid. Asuka and I lived with her while we were still in school. That was about six months ago."  
  
"Pilot Asuka Langley Soryu. Age eighteen. From Germany, right?"  
  
Shinji stared hard at the man. "How much do you know about us, anyway, Mr. Kitari?"  
  
His eyes looked back, unphased by Shinji's stare. "The UN was given access to only basic files, mostly personnel records. I memorized them before I was transferred here. Don't worry, I'm used to suspicious looks."  
  
Shinji looked out the window. "Sorry. I just have a lot on my mind at the moment."  
He nodded. "You're a bit like Commander Katsuragi. She seemed to care a great deal about the four of you at dinner last night, when I brought the topic up."  
  
"You took Misato to dinner?"   
  
"Yes, along with Dr. Iwano. I get to write it off as a business expense, it's one of the better things about being a diplomat. It's also an old trick. Some of the most important treaties and agreements are negotiated over brunch." He smiled, apparently finding a strange humor to it. Shinji just felt another chill fall down his spine. "People rarely want to start an international incident in the middle of a coffee shop. Although there is an old joke about a revolution that started over some bad tea."  
  
"Have you been working... for the UN for a long time?" Shinji felt a little awkward, being the only one at the table who wasn't laughing. But there were only two people here. That must be another diplomatic secret. How to make the other party feel awkward.  
  
"No, only about a year or so. I did various things before that. You've been a pilot for as long as there have been Evangelions, haven't you? That's almost four years."  
  
"It feels a lot longer," he admitted. "It's coming on five years." He knew that wasn't totally true. The Evangelions had been around a lot longer than that.  
  
"The Commander told me a little about what it was like here before the Impact. I can't say I was much affected by that event, myself. It was a much more subtle thing than its predecessor. Rather much like the man who instigated it, from what I've been told."  
  
"You mean Gendo Ikari."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Your father, yes." Shinji stared out the window. "I'm sorry. I've offended you."  
  
"No, it's all right. You're just trying to make conversation. Yes, he was my father." Shinji's tone implied that there was nothing more to be said.  
  
Kitari nodded. "I see. I'm not doing too well at being a diplomat right now, am I? Well, let me try asking you something that's not so personal."  
  
Shinji looked at the man, and half nodded, half shrugged. "Go for it."  
  
"Well, since you're now Katsuragi's Lieutenant, do you plan on staying on with NERV? After the Angels are all dead, I mean?"  
  
"What?"  
Kitari lit a cigarette. "Well, hopefully, you will win. I mean it'd be rather horrible if the Angels defeated you, right? So, assuming that, when this is all over, do you plan on staying with NERV?" There was a moment of silence.  
  
"Well, it's not something I've ever really thought about."  
  
A cloud of smoke escaped his mouth as he spoke. "Really? Not to be rude, but I would have thought it was something you've given a great deal of thought to. Your record shows that you tried to leave NERV twice in the first year you were here."  
  
Shinji frowned. Maybe Kitari wasn't as sharp as he seemed. "I was just a kid, then. I'm not the same, now."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry. I was just curious. You haven't continued on to university, like your friend Suzihara. After all, you can't fight Angels forever. One day, the fighting will stop. And then where will you be? Surely the Evangelions can't go on forever. And logically, you can't be a pilot forever."  
  
Shinji stared at Kitari as he spoke. He didn't like where this was going. He didn't love Eva, but he knew that what he did was important. It wasn't just important to people beyond him. It was important to him. It was important because there was no one else who could decide it for him.  
  
"What are you getting at?" He slammed his palms on the table.  
  
Kitari looked up, his face calm and serene. He also seemed pleased with himself. "I'm saying that one day all the choices you make in life will never have mattered. Some day, NERV and the Evangelions will be useless. Obsolete. Defunct. If you win, the Angels will be dead, and everything you've worked at building will fade away."  
  
Shinji sat back down, listening. Then he said, "You sound like you've already given up." He thought that Kitari sounded somewhat like himself, when he was young. Back when he was a boy, before he learned that he had to become a man in order to survive.  
  
Kitari took a final drag on the cigarette. He buried it in an ashtray. "I'm just stating a fact. One day, even everything I've worked for will be meaningless. That's what the Impact taught me."  
  
They stared at each other for a long moment. The entire cafeteria seemed empty and quiet. Shinji could feel the man's eyes boring into him. When he tried to stare back, he only felt foolish. Was Kitari trying to provoke him? If so, he was doing a good job at it.  
  
"Hey, Shinji!" They looked over to see Touji walking towards them.  
  
Kitari stood. "Well, I should be going. It was... interesting, talking with you, Lieutenant Ikari. I'll be seeing you around." He walked away as Touji approached.  
  
Touji watched him walk off. "What was that all about?"  
  
"Just trying not to offend the guy, I guess."  
  
He sat down. "Heh, you look like the one who's been offended. What'd he say to you?"  
  
"It was nothing," he lied.  
  
"You know you're the worst liar on the planet, right?"  
  
He nodded. "Yeah."  
  
After a moment, Touji smacked him on the shoulder. "So? Out with it!"  
  
Shinji realized he was smiling for a second, and then frowned as he remembered what Kitari said. "He told me that once the Angels are defeated, NERV won't have a purpose anymore. It'll just fade away. He asked me if what I wanted is to stay with NERV after all this is over."  
  
"What a jerk! You don't believe him, do you?"  
  
He shook his head. "No. No, I don't." He didn't think about the question for very long before coming up with the answer. How could he believe that? "If I did, then everything we've gone through wouldn't mean anything. And I will never believe that."  
  
"Damn right!" He slammed his fist on the table.  
  
"Touji, sit down, will ya? People are looking."  
  
Touji looked around the cafeteria, giving everyone present a hard, angry look. Their heads quickly turned the other way. He sat back down, and smiled. "Heheh. So what?"  
  
Shinji shook his head. "You're as bad as Asuka, you know that?"  
  
"Ah, bite me," he laughed. "Anyway, you're more like Asuka."  
  
"What's that mean?"  
  
Before he could answer, the warning sirens blared. "Red Alert. All Evangelion pilots report to the Strategy Room immediately."  
  
They sighed, and left the cafeteria. "No rest for the weary, I guess."  
  
"It's our choice, Touji. Might as well owe up to it."  
  
***  
  
Misato entered Central Dogma. Yoshi was already there, looking at the main screen. She never understood how he always beat her here. Ritsuko had done the same thing, every time.  
  
"What's the status?"  
  
"Target has been identified as an Angel, even though it's giving the Magi a migraine. It's currently holding position in the northeast part of Tokyo 3. It hasn't moved since it got here." Right now, it was just a dot on a topographical map.   
  
"All right, show me." The screen changed. This one seemed much like the first, in that it possessed a roughly humanoid shape. But it looked all wrong. The neck was a bare, lengthened muscle. It crouched on the ground, supporting much of its weight on its hands. The legs were long and bent like an animal. The head had a distended jaw, filled not with teeth, but gleaming silver plates.  
  
"It looks like it's only half formed," Misato said.  
  
"Yes. It's a bit gruesome." Yoshi felt someone staring at his back. He looked over his shoulder to see Kitari standing off to the side. The man watched the screen with an unusual intensity in his eyes. Yoshi turned back, unable to stand meeting Kitari's gaze. There was just something about it that wasn't... sane. Or possibly not human.  
  
"Why isn't it moving?" Misato stared at the image.  
  
"Maybe it's thinking about what it should do?"  
  
"If they even think." What was it even doing here? Adam was gone, having been consumed in the Instrumentality Project. What purpose could the Angels possibly possess now? Their Armageddon was impossible.   
  
"Are the communications channels back online?"  
  
"Yep. I made them stay up all night fixing it. I also had new security locks put in."   
  
"All right, Units 01 and 02 will take point. Units 00 and 03 will provide backup. Launch!"  
  
***  
  
It was waiting. Its brothers had fallen here. It could remember hearing their screams as they died. The sounds of battle and pain still hung in the air like a scar. Its last brother was unsuccessful before it had even come this far. It could only hope that this form it had chosen would enable it to survive.  
  
It had to survive. Long enough to find the one who carried what it sought.  
  
That was all it had. It knew that it should not exist. It was simply a contingency. It had been a dead soul with no purpose other than to wait until the day it could be part of a whole once again. It was never meant to be here.  
  
That all changed when they were betrayed by the last. The one who had learned how to be human.  
  
And then the demons had their way.  
  
It could feel them coming, now. They were rising up out of the earth. They were bringing with them what it sought.   
  
It would destroy them, or would cease to be.  
  
It raised its head, and roared.  
  
***  
  
Shinji readied his progressive knife in one hand, and his pistol in the other. The way this Angel acted was making him nervous. The way it looked was making him sick. It looked only half-finished, with skin--or whatever passed for its skin-hanging off, leaving pulsing flesh bare. It roared at them as they had launched, and now it waited for them to make a move.  
  
Asuka stood beside him holding a large axe. Behind them, Rei and Touji stood back several hundred yards with their rifles ready.   
  
"I'll draw its attention while Asuka charges. Rei, Touji, be ready to fire if you get an opening, but watch out for Asuka."  
  
"Just tell Frau Lucifer not to get in the way so much," Touji said.  
  
Asuka tightened her grip on the axe. "Shut up, Stooge. On 3."  
  
"3!" Shinji moved to the left, strafing the Angel. It moved toward Shinji, stupidly following him, and leaving itself open as Asuka ran forward. She brought the axe up, and swung. It sank deep into the Angel's side.   
  
It screeched, and turned on Unit 02, ignoring the bullets that stuck its right flank. Asuka tried to pull the axe out, but the Angel's body tightened on the blade, holding it in itself. It raised an arm, and bashed Unit 02. The Eva stumbled, and then recovered as the Angel swung again. Unit 03 ducked under the blow, and slammed a fist into the Angel's chest. The flesh of the Angel was soft, and sank in under the blow. Asuka swung again, aiming for the head.  
  
The Angel's neck stretched, and its head shot forward. The mouth clamped on Unit 02's shoulder. The plates in its mouth were sharp edged, and dug firmly into the Eva. Asuka screamed, feeling her Eva's armor and flesh being bitten.  
  
Shinji froze for a second, horrified. Rei's voice broke his daze. "Ikari, move to your left." He shifted, and a beam of light from Rei's rifle passed by Unit 01's face, striking the Angel's neck. It let go of Unit 02, rearing back on its legs.  
  
"Asuka? Asuka, answer!" Unit 02 fell back, clutching its shoulder. The Angel planted its foot on the Eva's chest. It looked in the direction the shot came from. Unit 02 struggled under its bulk. It slammed its foot down. Asuka cried out again.  
  
"Get this damn thing off me!"  
  
Rei fired another shot. The beam went strait through the Angel's chest. It looked directly at her.  
  
Meeting its gaze, Rei froze. It had the same look as the one before. The eyes were not hollow. They were consuming voids, and she could see straight into its mind.  
  
  
I have found you.  
  
  
The Angel reached down, pulled the axe from its body, and tossed it aside. Touji aimed his rifle, and fired. The Angel moved too fast. It was already moving towards Unit 00 at an impossible speed. He followed it with his sights, firing, but it was just too damn fast.  
Asuka heard Shinji's voice over the channel. It hurt to breathe. The Angel had nearly left a damn footprint in her Eva's chest. She'd felt every tremor of pain as if it were her own. It was times like this that she really hated her job.  
  
"Asuka? Are you all right?"  
  
She sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. "It's going for Rei. Just get that bastard!"  
  
As the sounds of the battle raged around her, Asuka concentrated on breathing. A single question filled her mind. She had to be going insane to admit it.  
  
Had she really heard it? Had it really spoken?  
  
  
"Commander, Unit 02 is down. Major damage sustained to the breast and armor. The pilot has suffered neural feedback, but is still alive."  
  
Misato watched the screen. Inside her mind was screaming. She always hated watching this. Why couldn't she be out there to help them? It wasn't fair.  
  
"Target is advancing on Unit 00. Commander?"  
  
"Unit 00, fall back. Units 01 and 03, assist Rei, now. Eliminate the target."  
  
  
The Angel leapt into the air. Rei dropped her rifle, and Unit 00 spun around, bringing its right heel up to slam into the Angel. The monster fell to the ground, but its head shot out, latching on to Unit 00's arm. It dug deep, almost severing it. Rei grit her teeth, and pulled against the Angel. It pulled its body forward, and grabbed on to the Eva, trying to push it to the ground. Unit 00 resisted, but fell to its knees.  
  
Unit 03 slammed its shoulder into the Angel, knocking it off of Unit 00. The head lashed out, snapping at Unit 03. The Eva stepped back, parrying with its knife. It was driving him back, even as he tried to counter. The Angel's jaw snapped shut on the blade, with the sound of steel. It tried to pull the knife from his hands. Touji struggled to maintain his grip.  
  
"Rei! Shinji! Now, damn it! Kill it now!"  
  
Rei pulled out her knife, and leapt on top of the Angel's body. Shinji aimed his pistol and fired at the neck, trying to sever the head. The core was not visible on its chest or belly. Rei stabbed her knife into its chest, and pulled down, vivisecting it. The Angel's body opened up like the petals of a flower, revealing inner tissues and organs that she could not begin to understand. This was not the biology of a living organism.  
  
In the center of the chest sat the Angel's core, a red orb. Rei raised her knife, and slammed the blade into it. Light erupted from the wound. She pulled down, trying to cut the core open, but it resisted.  
  
No, stop.  
  
Rei froze for a second.  
  
It's you. You're the one I'm here for. You carry the part of Him.  
  
She yelled, and drove the knife deeper.  
  
Please, stop. You must give me purpose. You are the-  
  
The core released a final beam of light. From all around them, a scream echoed. It was not something that could have come from a mortal voice. The four Evangelion pilots stopped as they heard it. It demanded no less of them. It was loss and anger beyond anything they could know. It peeled through the air, rattling their souls.   
  
And then it was gone.  
  
Forever.  
  
  
"The target has been destroyed, Commander."  
  
"Good. Begin Eva retrieval. Mission successful."  
  
Yoshi stared at the computer readout of the Eva pilots' psych patterns. This couldn't be right. He'd never seen it before.  
  
He felt someone staring at him. He turned and met Kitari's gaze.  
  
The man gave him a cool stare. "What's wrong, Dr. Iwano? You've won. You look a little pale."  
  
Yoshi cleared his throat. "Oh, sorry. It's nothing, really. Just a head cold."  
  
Kitari nodded. "You might want to get that cleared up. Oh, congratulations to you, Commander. It was an impressive battle, as always."  
  
Misato thanked him, and then looked over at Yoshi. Something had grabbed his attention. He had a look of discovery in his eyes. A new mystery had opened itself up to him.  
  
"Well," Kitari said, "I'll be going back to my office. You will remember to send me a full report of the operation for my superiors to review, yes?"  
  
"Of course, Mr. Kitari. We always share our full information with the UN."  
  
"Of course you do. Excuse me."  
  
When Yoshi thought Kitari wasn't looking, he gave Misato a glance. It said: This is important. I know it.  
  
Kitari turned his back, and left the control room.   
  
He didn't understand whom they thought they were fooling. He could find out what they were doing at anytime. Of course he'd never resort to such crude actions himself. But it was nice to know that he could. He never understood why people underestimated him. He always proved them wrong.   
It was a promise he would always keep.  
  
Always.  
  
***  
  
"So we heard it scream," Touji said. "They all screamed before, right?"  
  
The four of them sat around dinner, along with Kensuke and Hikari. They admitted to each other that they had heard something come from the Angel as it died. It sounded like a scream. But that was wrong.  
  
"It's not that, Touji, and you know it." Shinji was beginning to lose interest in his own dinner.  
  
"Yeah, I know." He frowned. He hated it when things got complicated like this.  
  
"We didn't actually hear it. It was…"  
  
"It spoke to us," Asuka said. She blinked, then shook her head. "Great, I've been with you guys for way too long. Now I'm acting weird."  
  
Kensuke said, "Wait a minute. You mean you felt the Angel scream?"  
  
"Dr. Iwano told us that there was a reaction with our psych patterns during the battle," Shinji explained. "It happened once with Asuka and once with Rei, and then all four of us."   
  
Asuka looked over at Rei. She didn't touch her food, but it wasn't a surprise. None of them really felt hungry. They were only eating because they didn't want to upset Hikari. Rei sat there, as quiet as she had ever been. It made Asuka uncomfortable. Rei had actually turned into a somewhat likable person over the past few years. Seeing her like this only reminded Asuka of what it was like before.   
  
Finally, she swallowed her fear. "What do you think happened, Rei?"  
  
She looked up. "I'm not sure. It's happened to us before. I know that. The Angels tried to contact our minds once before. I can't remember very much of it, because I self-destructed Unit 00 after it happened to me."  
  
The others stared at Rei, and then everyone lost their appetite.  
  
"This is why I really hate this job, sometimes," Asuka muttered.  
  
"Well, it doesn't get any better," Shinji said.  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"It means that the reason our communications failed yesterday was because someone found a way into NERV HQ without being detected, and sabotaged our communications network."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just great."  
  
"What's going on? Is Misato looking into it?"  
  
"Two Angels in two days, and now this. I'm going to sleep."  
  
Shinji slapped the table. "Just hold on a minute!" Everyone jumped, and then remained silent and still. Shinji looked at his friends, and sighed. "I'm sorry. I know we've all been through a lot. But this is what's happening. Misato needs us to keep our eyes open while she and Yoshi try to find out who did this. All right?"  
  
They nodded. Touji poked at a ball of rice. "Sorry, man. It's been really hectic for all of us, I guess. I feel sorry for Misato for having to deal with all of this. Especially because she has to deal with us." He laughed.  
  
Shinji smiled. "It's nothing Misato can't handle. Kensuke, do you think you could help out?"  
  
Kensuke's mouth hung open, noodles halfway in. He stared not directly at Shinji, but at some point beyond Shinji, beyond the room. It wasn't even really a stare.   
  
"Kensuke?" Hikari waved a hand in front of his face. His only response was a grunt. "Great, Shinji. Now you've put him in shock."  
  
"I've got it," Asuka said. "Hey! Stooge!" She slapped him across the back of his head.  
  
Kensuke dropped his noodles, and blinked. "Huh? Wha... you mean... Shinji, you mean NERV wants me to help?"  
  
Shinji was now holding his head in his hands. "No, I want you to help. You'd know more about this than we would. Between the computer and war strategies, this is the kind of thing you go in for. I was hoping you could pick up on something NERV's security hasn't, yet."  
  
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "And Yoshi doesn't have a problem with this? You know how territorial he gets when someone starts messing with the technical stuff."  
  
"Misato's already handled everything. All I need to do is give you your..." Shinji felt his pockets. "Damn it!"  
  
"Looking for this?" Misato held the security pass in front of him.  
  
"Oh, thanks, Misato." He paused, and then looked up at Misato. "Wha!"  
  
Everyone at the table jumped in surprise. No one had seen her come in, or heard the door open, or even a knock. No one remembered getting up to answer the door. The gap in the logical course of events left them paralyzed for a moment. Misato just stood there, smiling.  
  
"What, no 'Hello, Misato. How the hell did you get in here?'?" She looked around at them. "Where do you get this many chairs?"  
  
Asuka was the first to say it. "What the hell are you doing here, Misato?"  
  
"I just stopped by to drop off Kensuke's security pass for tomorrow when I realized Shinji had forgotten about it."  
  
"That's not what I mean!" Asuka stood up. "What are you doing in here?   
  
Misato looked around for another chair. "Oh, the key the landlord gave me works both for the apartment downstairs and this one. I didn't know until I just tried it out. Funny, huh?"  
  
"What are you talking about? Your apartment is on the other side of town!"  
  
"Asuka, you don't have to yell. I'm moving out of there, anyway. Shinji told me that there was a place available right below you guys, so I called up earlier. I just stopped by to sign the lease. You wouldn't believe how uptight these people are about a credit check." She struggled to keep a straight face. She didn't mean to get Shinji in trouble, but seeing Asuka get this upset over something so trivial was pretty funny. Maybe she really was just sadistic?  
  
Asuka glared at Shinji. He cringed. "Shinji? You told her about that?"  
  
"Touji, help me."  
  
"She's your girlfriend, man. You handle it."  
  
"Kensuke?"  
  
"Sorry, Shinji, but I'm not suicidal."  
  
"Hikari, please, she's your friend."  
  
"Exactly. I'm not on your side to begin with."  
  
"Rei?"  
  
Rei would have responded if the humor of the entire situation hadn't overloaded and paralyzed her.  
  
Misato headed for the fridge. "I need a drink. Anyone else want one?"  
  
"Yes," Shinji said. "A beer. Please. Before she hurts me."  
  
***  
  
He was enjoying himself. Seeing it in battle today had given him a glimpse of something he'd missed. The terror, the savagery, it was all unmatched by anything else that had ever existed. The pure drive of it all had given him a rush.  
  
Most importantly, it had shown him what he was looking for. He had found her. He'd suspected, but it was the one thing that he couldn't quite figure out. NERV had been one puzzle after another, even to those who had made the pieces. Ikari had been greedy with his secrets, and unraveling one meant being rewarded with another.  
  
But now he had it!  
  
His companion sat in the corner, nervously smoking a cigarette. "You can't really be sure, can you? I mean, if there's even one little mistake..."  
  
The man looked at him. "You've become increasingly difficult, you know? Any more of these concerns, and I'll begin to question your usefulness to this." He spoke without regret or fear. He knew exactly what he had to do, now. "You got it, of course?"  
  
"Yeah. It's all here. Right where you said it would be." He tapped the disks lying on the table. "Are you still serious about this? I mean, this is..." He stopped.  
  
The man wasn't listening. He picked up the disks, looking at them. "You've done your job. That's all you need to care about. Although I must say that knocking out their communications was a nice touch. You timed it perfectly." His companion suddenly seemed more nervous than usual. "What is it?"  
  
"They're gone."  
  
"Of course they're gone. That's part of what they're meant to do. They must move in order to avoid discovery."  
  
"I mean that all the others are gone! The fourth one is still there, but... it's... I went to check it out. There were only a few pieces left of the others. The fourth one is already out there!"  
  
"You're saying the fourth is growing. That's good. It will need all the strength it can get."  
  
He stared at the man. This couldn't be the way it was supposed to happen. This wasn't what he'd said it would be. "You bastard. You knew, didn't you?"  
  
"No. But I had an idea."  
  
"An idea? It fucking ate them! It just cannibalized your 'back ups'! What the hell do you expect it to do now, huh? Or do you just have another idea?"  
  
There was a golden flash to the man's eyes. "If you don't stop your hysterics right now, I will silence you." His companion stared at him for a long, tense moment, then sat back down. The man's eyes wandered over the table, and settled on the fake security pass. "Why are you going back in?"  
  
His companion jammed the cigarette into an ashtray, and lit another one. "There's something I missed. Something I have to take care of. They probably won't find it, but I have to make sure."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"What the hell do you think I'm talking about? The Magi remember us, you idiot. They've still got our files. If some wise-ass goes poking around, trying to find out what I was after, they'll come across 'em. I know it."  
  
The man sighed. "Very well. Maybe you'll finally start doing your job." He looked at the disks again.  
  
It didn't matter. None of that mattered. Now there was only this.  
  
And the mother.  
  
***  
  
"Are you sure you didn't hurt him?"  
  
"He'll be fine. Trust me. He's stubborn." Asuka looked out the window of the train.  
  
"You seemed pretty mad at him."  
  
She sighed. "I guess I'm not really mad at him. It's just... too much has been going on right now. The last thing I need is Misato trying to act like a parent to us all over again."  
  
Hikari smiled. "Well, at least you're only angry. It's better than you being depressed." She worried about Asuka. True, her friend was different, now, much different from the girl she had been. But Hikari still worried. She couldn't help it.   
  
"Don't remind me, please." She stretched out her legs. "I only wish he hadn't gone and done it without me knowing. If Misato's going to be around more often again, I think I have a right to know."  
  
"Well, it's not as if she's going to live with us or the Stooges."  
  
"That's not the point. What are we getting out on our own for if Misato's just going to move in next door?"  
  
"She's moving in next to Shinji, Asuka. It would be different if you spent a little more time at our apartment."  
  
"Oh, would you stop being difficult."  
  
"My point is that Misato's a friend. She's not your guardian anymore."  
  
"Yeah, I know." She sighed. "She's always been like this, anyway. Well, at least we're not in school, anymore. Back then she was our friend until she got our report cards."  
  
They laughed at that, letting the tension ease. Finally, Hikari said, "So, what's really bothering you?"  
  
Asuka looked back to the window. "These damn Angels, that's what. They're making Rei act like the Wonder Girl, again. That just reminds me of how things used to be, is all. I don't' like remembering that part of my life."  
  
"You don't have to go back to that, Asuka."  
  
"I know that. I'm not afraid of it. I just can't remember now how I could rationalize being so hateful. I even turned on you, in the end. Sitting there in your house..." She shook her head. "Damn it all. I don't even know what's bothering me, anymore." That was only half true, she thought to herself. She knew what it was. She just didn't really want to admit it. She had a reputation to keep, after all.  
  
Hikari smiled, and leaned back. "You know, I think it's really comforting that even after the Instrumentality, and everything else that's happened, we can still get confused."  
  
Asuka looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "Great, the weirdness is infecting us all."  
  
She laughed. "You just enjoy being stubborn."  
  
"No, that's Shinji's job. Ever since Misato made him Lieutenant, he's been a real pain."  
  
"Heh. The two of you were made for each other. You're both too much alike."  
  
"What the hell's that supposed to mean? We don't act anything alike!"  
  
"Okay. Sorry. What ever you say." She tried not to laugh.  
  
"Hikari, I swear, if you don't wipe that grin off your face right now..."  
  
Somehow, the two had remained friends even through the Impact, and Instrumentality, and all the changes it had wrought. Hikari didn't seem to have been overly affected, as seemed to be the case of much of the population. She noticed the changes from Instrumentality as they had affected Asuka. Her friend's personality didn't seem terribly changed, to her. She was only a little more open and confident than she had been. Much like the way Shinji had changed. Neither one of them accepted that they could not control their destiny, now.  
  
Having them as friends kept Hikari's faith that Man always seemed to pull through in the end, no matter what. And that's all that really mattered, wasn't it?  
  
End Part 4  
  
Author's Notes: Well, another fine chapter thrown together at the last minute. Why the hell does all my best stuff come at two thirty in the morning when I've got a class at eight? Well, at least it's finished. I meant to put more in this one, but that'll have to wait 'till next chapter. Ain't it great to see a plot fall to all to hell? Maybe I'll actually try to resolve one of the mysteries I've come up with before introducing a new one?! Don't bet on it. Maybe I'll learn the names of those two guys who sat in the control room all the time?! (the only one I can remember is Maya. Pathetic, aint it?) See you in chapter 5, same bat time, same bat channel! All C,C&C, flames, and death threats can be sent to loneshark707@hotmail.com, or just posted in a review here on fanfiction.net (HINT! HINT!).  



	5. Subascendant

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 5: Subascendant  
  
Kensuke couldn't move for several minutes. He didn't care if the guards were giving him funny looks. This was it. He'd been waiting for this. After working so hard for so long, it finally happened. He was going to go into NERV. He had been asked to come to NERV. And help. Him.  
  
Come on, don't act like a kid, he thought. Just go in there, and do your thing. Show them.  
  
He suddenly remembered his first day of school. For years he couldn't remember how it felt, but now he was pretty sure this must've been it.  
  
He passed through the security checkpoint, and stepped in. At the top of a long escalator, Dr. Iwano was waiting for him. The older man looked at his watch. "So, right on time. I should've figured as much."  
  
Kensuke stammered. "Um... Ken... Kensuke..."  
  
Yoshi waved a hand. "Relax, Kensuke. I know who you are, for heaven's sake. Come on." They started down the escalator. Kensuke tried not to look over the edge. It made him a little dizzy. Yoshi leaned calmly against the rail. Kensuke suddenly noticed that he seemed to be a little upset. "Um, is something wrong, sir? I mean, Shinji asked me to come, if you don't need me, I guess, I can-"  
  
"No, no. It's all right. Sorry, I was just thinking about something. You know when an author brings a supporting character into a main role just to fill in a plot gap?"  
  
Kensuke laughed a little, feeling more relaxed. "Oh, yeah. I hate it when they do that."  
  
Yoshi nodded grimly. "Me too."  
  
Kensuke looked around nervously, but tried to keep his attention on Dr. Iwano as he was led through NERV's headquarters. It was every bit as monolithic as he'd imagined. Looking out what few windows there was gave him an expansive view of the GeoFront. He'd read everything he could get his hands on about this place, but standing here and seeing it with his own eyes made it all seem so unreal. Dr. Iwano was saying something, but he couldn't concentrate on it.  
  
"Kensuke!" Yoshi yelled. The kid hadn't been paying attention to a word he'd said.  
  
He jumped. "S-sorry! I... uh, well--."  
  
Yoshi waved his hand again. "Forget it. At this point it's not that important anyway. You've read the report, right? I'm assuming Shinji gave it to you?"  
  
"Um, yeah, I went over it last night. I couldn't believe it. It's supposed to be nearly impossible to break into NERV without knowing something about it, isn't it?"  
  
"You'd be surprised," he muttered. "NERV's had its security problems in the past. Just never any quite so invasive, before. So, where's Misato? She said not to call her unless it was an emergency. She got another hangover?"  
  
"No, she finally decided to move out of her apartment. Shinji told her about the place available underneath us."  
  
Yoshi involuntarily cringed. "Asuka probably didn't like that."  
  
"He's been in pain for the past couple of days. Too bad he and Touji got drafted for moving duty."  
  
They came to a security door. Yoshi punched a code into the keypad, and then stepped inside. "Well, that's nothing compared to what we'll be doing." Kensuke followed him into a dim room. Most of the light came from computer monitors lining the far wall. Below it sat a desk piled with manuals, reports, old mugs, and a small colony of keyboards. Yoshi sat down, and at his slightest touch, the room came to life, like a wizard summoning lightning from a clear, still sky. He smiled at the expression on Kensuke's face. "Nice, eh?"  
  
"I've never read anything about this. Is it something new?" He sat down in one of two chairs in front of the monitors.  
  
Yoshi sat beside him. "Yes, it's my private database. I've put together everything I could scrape together about NERV, the Evas, the Magi; everything's here. I can disconnect from the rest of the system if I need to. This is the best place to start from."  
  
Kensuke started typing at the keyboard. Yoshi sat back with a grin on his face. After a few moments, Kensuke had to look away, his eyes starting to swim. "Damn, it's making me dizzy."  
  
"Yeah. I may not be as formative as the infamous Dr. Akagi, but I think this baby lets me keep up." He cracked his knuckles. "All right, let's get to work. The first thing we need to try is to restore the security logs in the terminals the intruder used. After that we can restructure the pathways and find out what he was looking for. The who and why will be a bit harder to answer."  
  
Kensuke gulped, and looked back at the monolith. "I guess I won't be home in time for dinner."  
  
"No." Yoshi silently went to work. Kensuke looked at him nervously, and then started.  
  
***  
  
"Damn it, look out!" There was a loud crash outside the door, followed by a scream. She couldn't tell if it was Shinji or Touji, but it sounded painful.  
  
"You should have watched where you were stepping."  
  
"That has nothing to do with it! You dropped it on my foot!"  
  
"I'm sorry, all right? Just let me help-"  
  
"No, don't move it-Ah!" Another scream.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Rei turned to Asuka, who was helping Misato move the couch against the wall. "Shouldn't we be helping them bring things up the stairs?"  
  
"Are you kidding me? Pushing things around inside's bad enough!" They put it in place with a final grunt of effort, and them collapsed.  
  
Shinji and Touji walked in a second later carrying a large box, and dropped it, themselves falling after.   
  
Shinji looked over at Misato breathlessly. "What the hell is in this thing?"  
  
Misato peered at the box. "Oh, that's the first box of clothes."  
  
"First?"  
  
Touji rapped a fist on the top of the box. It was stuffed almost to the point of exploding. "What do you wear, lead vests?"  
  
She stood up, and clapped her hands. "Enough complaining! No one rests until the job's done!" The two young men groaned, and proceeded back down to Misato's car, where most of her possessions were spilling out of the trunk.   
  
"Ugh. She's a slave driver, I swear it." Touji led the way down. He hated this heat, and was trying to find something new to complain about.  
  
"Come on, it's only a couple more boxes." Shinji tried to sound hopeful, but he knew he was fooling himself.   
  
"And two tables, and the chairs, and the bed, and Pen Pen's ice box."  
  
The penguin's head popped out of the back window, and squawked at him.  
  
"Oh, no! Come on, out!" He opened the door, and pointed away. "Out! There's no way in hell we're moving you, too! You can waddle your own butt upstairs."  
  
The penguin tried big, sad eyes, then angry eyes, and then finally settled for a yelling match.  
  
Shinji stood back and watched them. He waved to Hikari as she walked up.  
  
"Hey, Shinji! Sorry I'm late, I..." She watched her boyfriend and the penguin scream at each other. "Um, what's going on?"  
  
"A battle of wits."  
  
"Moving's going that badly, huh?"  
  
He nodded pitifully. "Yeah."  
  
"Well, you guys keep it up, and I'll make lunch."  
  
"Great. Misato, Asuka and Rei are upstairs, unpacking the boxes."  
  
"Thanks." She ran over and kissed Touji on the cheek. He paused, barely noticing it over his battle with Pen Pen. Hikari waved to them, and then ran up the stairs.  
  
Shinji shook his head. "All right, come on. I want to get this done with. Let's take the bed up."  
  
"I still don't she how she managed to fit it in this car." He pulled on one end while Shinji tried to push it on the opposite side.  
  
"I think it's a girl thing. They do the same thing with the dish washer." With a final growl of effort, the bed popped out of the car, and landed on Touji. Shinji winced. "Sorry."  
  
"Get it off me, now!"  
  
***  
  
The only reason Yoshi had thought to take a quick lunch break was because Kensuke reminded him that it was nearly lunch. He'd forgotten for the past two years that lunch existed for the rest of the world, having worked through so many of them. Still, it gave his a chance to refresh the coffee. Misato had made the last pot two days ago. That stuff could clean engines.  
  
He looked at his watch. Where was that damn kid? He'd been given half an hour, and directions to the cafeteria. That was more than enough time! He was ten minutes late, costing them time that would be better spent on his investigation than gawking at the view. What had possessed him to listen to Shinji three days ago and agreed to let this kid help out, he'd never know.  
  
He muttered and cursed his way back and forth from his office to the cafeteria, and finally just flipped through the security cameras when he didn't find him. It took a moment, but he managed to find him wandering around near Unit 01's holding cage. Why the hell hadn't anyone stopped him? He only had a temporary pass.  
  
Yoshi growled, and made his way down there. He tried to calm himself. Maybe he was just being territorial? The kid wasn't that bad, and seemed to know what he was doing. But when he even got near a file about the Evas, he went into a completely different world. It had taken Yoshi months to compile the data they currently had, and they weren't any closer to figuring out how to upgrade the Evas themselves. The last thing he needed was some wide-eyed kid hitting the wrong damn button and ruining years of work.  
  
When he reached the cage, Kensuke was already there. He stood in front of the Eva, staring up at it. Yoshi paused. The kid just... looked at it. Even from the door, he could make out Kensuke's expression. He approached slowly, studying the young man. The expression didn't actually look familiar, but it... felt familiar, like a half-remembered sensation from a dream.  
  
Kensuke finally noticed him. "Oh, sorry. I just... I know I'm late. I just had to come here and see it."  
  
"I thought you'd seen the Evangelions before?" He tried to remember the old reports. "You've even been inside Unit 01, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but..." He looked back at it. "That was so long ago. And I've never really been able to get this good of a look at it."  
  
Now Yoshi knew that look. It must have been the exact same expression he'd had the first time he saw an Eva this close up.   
  
What the hell. Yoshi joined him in admiring the beast. Even he couldn't help it. It was something so awesome that it demanded notice. Many hated or feared it, but standing here, they could only feel a sense of awe at the achievement that was the Evangelion.   
  
"You know," Kensuke said, "For the longest time I envied my own best friends. They're getting to do the kind of things I've only dreamed about. They get to actually be something other than just a couple of kids. They get to live it. I know they keep telling me it's not that great, and I've seen what it puts them through, but..."  
  
"You just can't believe how tough they are," Yoshi said. "It's like they really have become something more than just humans."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Come on, the least we can do is find out who our intruder is." The two of them walked back to Yoshi's office without looking back at the Evangelion.  
  
Kensuke said, "Shinji told me once that Unit 01 was different from the others, in that it was really alive. Is that true?"  
  
"Well, it was."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"It's complicated. The Evas, well at least Unit 01, have something that the only applicable term for it would be a soul, but it's not aware. It's like a slumbering monster. Unit 01 was the only one to awaken before the Third Impact. It hasn't shown any sign that it is awake since then."  
  
Kensuke involuntarily shivered. Sometimes Touji or Shinji would tell him a little bit about what it was like to pilot an Eva. They'd describe the strange bond that occurs between an Eva and its pilot. It reacted to them, in ways that only they could really notice. They shared its pain, and it felt theirs. He found it hard to imagine how that would change if an Eva were to gain its own awareness. What sort of sanity could such a thing have, if one would dare to call it sanity?  
  
Yoshi had an idea of what he was thinking. "Sorry you asked?" He nodded. "Try not to think about it. You'll just start to get a migraine. Let's just get this job over with, huh?"  
  
"Yeah. Probably a safer job, anyway. Safer than what they're stuck doing right now," he laughed.  
  
***  
  
Shinji sat out on the balcony. Piloting an Eva was safer than this. It was also less terrifying. There were fewer surprises, and nothing spilled out of boxes. And your girlfriend didn't yell at you for being a pervert when panties spill out all over the place, and she catches you in that frozen moment when you're staring at them, trying to decide if you should pick them up.  
  
Misato poked her head out of the apartment. "So this is where you're hiding?"  
  
"Taking a break," he said. He leaned back in a chair, his eyes closed. "That was the agreement, wasn't it? Touji and I carry it up, you and the others unpack?"  
  
"Yeah. Don't worry, she's not mad at you."  
  
"I know. She's been like this for the past couple of days, ever since I told them about the sabotage."  
  
She stepped out, and looked over the view. "Damn. How the hell did you guys find a place like this six months ago?"  
  
"Wasn't easy."  
  
"At least now I can see why you were so eager to start being paid. This place isn't cheap."  
  
"Yeah, but they gave us a little discount when they found out that we're Evangelion pilots."  
  
"Shinji! I wouldn't think you'd stoop to using your status for personal ends."  
  
"I didn't. Touji and Kensuke did."  
  
"Hm, right." She laughed.  
  
He opened an eye. "You never did grow up, did you?"  
  
She stared out at the city for a moment, and finally said, "Has Rei talked to you about what happened last time?"  
  
"No. She hasn't said anything to me since her nightmare. You haven't talked to her, have you?"  
  
"Only after you did. I haven't said anything to her about it since, either." Shinji twisted his head around to look back into the apartment. Misato looked at him. "I wouldn't, Shinji. It's something she has to face by herself."  
  
He turned back. "I know. But... I hate just sitting by, Misato. She's practically my sister. She is my sister. I can't just let my friends be hurt by something like this. Even if we don't know what it is."  
  
"I know how you feel, Shinji. I told her so. But I think this is something she has to face on her own. Whatever we do to figure out what's going on, we still have to face it individually."  
  
Shinji sighed, and leaned back. "I know that. I think that's what's making Asuka so angry right now, too. She's just too stubborn to come out with it."  
  
Misato laughed. "You two are too much alike."  
  
He furrowed his brow. "You're the second person to tell me that this week. Mind filling me in on the joke?"  
  
"Well, let's see. You both had the same fears."  
  
"Had being the operative word."  
  
"Quiet, I'm not done. You worry about the same things, just express it in the opposite ways. You're both orphans. You both like to argue when I'm trying to prove a point. You're my best pilots, and neither one of you lets things go very easily." She smiled at him. "I think that about sums it up."  
  
"I hate it when I can't tell if you're being serious or not."  
  
She frowned. "And neither one of you will lighten up when I say to!"  
  
Touji appeared in the doorway, holding a cup. "Hey, what are you two doing out here?"  
  
"Just talking. What's in that?"  
  
"This?" He held up the cup. "Ice water. Why?"  
  
"Can I have that for a moment?" She took the cup without waiting for a reply.  
  
Shinji yelled as he was hit by the shock of ice cold water falling on his head.  
  
***  
  
Kensuke rubbed his eyes. This wasn't anywhere as easy as he thought it would be. The saboteur had gone into places that were damn near impossible to hack into. It would take much longer than the small amount of time Yoshi assumed that the saboteur had possessed. Of course they already knew that.  
  
That must have been why the guy had been covering his tracks so well. Only someone who knew the passes could have gotten through. They were only fortunate that Yoshi set the system to back up all data that went into it.  
  
Kensuke looked blearily at the mug of coffee set in front of him. He looked up at Yoshi.  
  
"Here," he said. "It's my own brew, better than Misato's. Her coffee could put hair on your chest."  
  
Kensuke smiled. "Thanks. What time is it?" He sipped his coffee.  
  
Yoshi leaned back. "Almost midnight. Maya, Shigeru, and a few members of the security staff are probably the only ones besides us still here. It's not an easy job, I'll give it that." He looked at the screen. "So, you found the reports on our attempts to upgrade the Evas?"  
  
"Um, yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's classified, but I-"  
  
Yoshi waved his hand. "It's fine, Kensuke. I figured you'd run across those sooner or later."  
  
"Yeah. I don't really understand the terminology, but I can basically get what you're talking about. But..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You mentioned in the beginning of your report that the Eva's are something more than biological constructs; that parts of them actually came from something else. What does that mean?"  
  
Yoshi took a deep breath. "That's the censored version of the report. Only Misato and your friends have seen the real report. Of course I had to explain to them what it basically meant. The Evas were given something... the closest thing that it can be thought of is a soul. In some ways, they resemble humans. I believe that the Evas may in fact be a new form of human being."  
  
Kensuke listened, trying to put it together. "But, that would mean that the Angels..." He looked at Yoshi.  
  
"The Angels are much more than that. The Evas appear to be somewhere in between. Of course even I'm not sure about all of this. Unit 01 was part of the complex key to starting Instrumentality. It would all be a lot less frustrating if I could ask Gendo Ikari or Ritsuko Akagi."  
  
"So your saying that the problems come from dealing with the Evas accepting the changes you're trying to make to them?"  
  
Yoshi looked up at the young man, and smiled. "Well, you really are rather bright. Yes, that's the big part of it. Misato told me once that without a pilot, the Evas are nothing more than over-powered monsters. Part of NERV's focus in these days is trying to deal with not just the Angels, but lessening the danger it created in using the Evas as weapons."  
  
Kensuke turned back to the monitors, but couldn't focus on them. "When you put it that way, it makes the Eva series sound like something out of a nightmare."  
  
"Someone's nightmare, I'm sure. But the possibilities that could be opened up if we figured out how to put the Evas to rest while retaining their power, or channeling it into something that wasn't destructive; that would make everything we've done here worth it."  
  
Kensuke half sighed, and half laughed. "Misato said you were an idealist."  
  
"Yeah, I admit to that. So, how did you come across those reports? You weren't straying from the objective, were you?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, sir. Actually, I think it's one of the things the saboteur was looking for."  
  
"Really?" Yoshi sat down at his chair on the other side of the desk. "Show me."  
  
"Well, after going through everything we could reconstruct, I saw how it could only have been someone who knows NERV procedures and pass codes. Either they're already familiar with it, or they knew how to get it. Either way, this data is one of the things they were after. I've been tracing a few other data paths, and I can't be sure yet, but I think he or she was also going for data on the Angels and Instrumentality."  
  
Yoshi looked over the data, then said, "Good work, Kensuke. The more we find out about what they were looking for, the more likely well be able to found out who did this. All right, let's get back to work."  
  
***  
  
He was sweating. It wasn't because he was nervous. Years of training to be one of the best spies in the world didn't leave room for one to be nervous. Not while on a job. It was the humidity all the way down here. Yeah. That's what he kept telling himself.  
  
There was no choice. This is what he had to do. And if he got caught? Well, it probably didn't matter, anymore. He knew that he was rapidly becoming inconsequential. Just one more job, and that would be it. He'd have nothing left but to sit back and watch it all play out.  
  
He started, going in the back doors that only a handful of people knew about. He had been trained by the best before coming to NERV. Ikari had made him better. Ikari had made them all exactly what he wanted them to be.  
  
He wondered for a moment if this was something the old man had thought of. He'd seemed to foresee everything else. It wouldn't have surprised him if Ikari had planned all of this from the beginning, or at least knew this was a possible consequence of his actions.  
  
The Keel brat probably knew. Or at least had an idea.  
  
As he thought these things, he lost focus for only a fraction of a second. In the crucial moment between action and thought, he'd slipped.  
  
And now he was expendable.  
  
***  
  
The alert signal suddenly flashed in the corners of the monitors. Kensuke tried to avoid spewing his coffee everywhere.  
  
"S-sir, I think there's something going on."  
  
Yoshi looked at the symbol on the screen, then smiled. "So, he's back."  
  
"What?"  
  
Yoshi picked up the phone. "Security, this is Dr. Iwano. We have an intruder in block seventeen. Close off all exits, and sections nine through twenty. He won't have any escape routes. Don't hit the alarm until I say otherwise. No, no. Just wait." He put the phone down.  
  
"Um, sir, shouldn't we-?"  
  
"No." Yoshi watched the screen. "Just monitor him. I want to see what he's after this time."  
  
Kensuke watched the hacker at work. "Well, it looks like he's using the same methods. Wait... where is he going?"  
  
Yoshi silently watched. Then he said, "The Magi. He's going to the Magi. They're tied into the whole city, but they won't let you in unless you come to them. They're pushy bitches." He blinked. "What the...?"  
  
Kensuke stared, his mouth hanging open. "But... why are they letting him in? He's not forcing his way."  
  
"I've never seen these pass codes before. Where's he going?" He picked the phone up again. "It's Iwano. Hit the alarm, now." The lights in the room went red, and klaxons blared in their ears. "Thanks. I'll be right down."  
  
Kensuke turned in his chair, unsure of what to do. "Um, Dr. Iwano, what should I--?"  
  
Yoshi pushed a gun into his hand. "You know how to use this?" He nodded dumbly. "Good. Watch what he does. I need someone to figure out what he's after. Use the gun only if he comes near here, got it?" He ran out of the room without waiting for an answer.  
  
Kensuke turned back to the monitors, and tried to stop shaking. This was real. He couldn't believe it. This wasn't anything like the cartoons he'd watched as a kid. This was really happening. He tried to calm himself, and watch what the intruder was doing.   
  
He was going for... What were those? Old files?  
  
Kensuke put the gun aside, with the safety on, and turned the security cameras on. He knew which terminal was being accessed. It was clear as day on the screen in front of him.   
  
The view on the other monitors changed to various sections of NERV HQ. Where the hell was he? Kensuke looked over them, and smiled when he found him. A figure hunched over an access terminal. He worked quickly, using a palm computer that he'd wired into the terminal. Not even the alarm disturbed him.   
  
Kensuke turned back to the other screen, and watched him work. Where was he going? The Magi complied data. Did they actually hold anything?  
  
Kensuke watched, and saw what the intruder was looking for. He looked back to the security monitor. That was it! That explained a few things, at least.  
  
He looked up. On another monitor, Dr. Iwano and a security team were making their way down. The intruder was already finished. He'd been too fast for them. He ran through the halls, and was met by sealed doors. Security would be there within moments. He looked caught.  
  
He opened up an access panel next to the door, punched in a code, and opened it. Kensuke stared. Damn it! Why didn't they move faster? He looked around.  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to call them?" He punched a couple of keys. He slipped. "No, damn it! Wait!" He brought up a schematic for HQ. He sighed with frustration. "Damn it, he's going around them. Turn around! Turn around!" He realized how ridiculous he must sound, shouting at a screen.  
  
He couldn't just sit here and let them miss him. The bastard would be gone by then.  
  
Kensuke watched the monitor for a second, then back at the schematic. He knew where the intruder was headed. It would be an obvious exit. Dr. Iwano would probably figure it out, but by then it would be too late.  
  
He looked from the screen to the gun, and back again.  
  
He fixed his security pass on the front of his shirt, grabbed the gun, and ran to head the intruder off.  
  
***  
  
He was running, now. Running for his life. It was all he had left. If he got caught, then he would be dead for sure. His partner would see to that. If he got away, then maybe he could find something worth wasting his time on. Something to just pass away the few days, maybe weeks he had left. If there was even that much time left.  
  
If it wasn't on its way here already. He'd lost track of it. It could be anywhere, now. It would be here, eventually, but not yet, perhaps. Just perhaps.  
  
And maybe it didn't matter, anyway. That's what the frightening bastard had told him, when they started this. Nothing except this would matter. Not the murders, not the destruction, and not even their own deaths would matter, if this worked.  
  
In the end, maybe none of it would matter, even if it did work.  
  
  
Yoshi led the security team down to the corridor where they'd trapped the intruder. Typically, he was not considered a brave man, but he took his job, and the protection of NERV, very seriously. Misato had seen this before, and it only vindicated her choice in hiring him; it made the security staff nervous when he got like this. He only had a revolver, but there'd been rumors that he was taking lessons form Misato, and was a very good shot. The look on his face was reason enough for the security team to stay out of his way.  
  
When they came to the security doors blocking off the intruder's escape, Yoshi tensed. He'd never really fired a gun at a living person, before. Cardboard targets were entirely different.  
  
One of the security members opened the door. The realization that the intruder was gone didn't quite hit anyone until the door fully opened, allowing them to see clearly down the corridor. Yoshi stared, and then cursed.  
  
"Sir, should we...?"  
  
Yoshi didn't hear the security officer. He was thinking of where the intruder could have gone. He walked up to the access panel at the next door. It had been used, so the intruder knew the security codes. Where could he go to escape? The fastest way out...  
  
"Come on," Yoshi said. "We don't have time to double back, we'll have to keep going. Hurry." The long nights of overtime had given Yoshi a surprisingly healthy endurance. The security team had a little difficulty keeping up.  
  
  
There it was. The emergency exit from the main control room. No one would guess that he'd actually go further down into NERV just to get out. But the GeoFront is vast. He could make his way out without ever being found. It would take several days, but at least he'd be free.  
  
"Freeze!" The man stopped, and turned. Kensuke was panting, almost out of breath, but he'd made it. He hoped he could keep the gun pointed at the man. The damn thing was heavy!  
  
The man looked at him with cold blue eyes, but didn't move. "So, NERV is still in the practice of hiring children to do its real work?"  
  
Kensuke stood straight. "Freeze means don't move, and don't speak."  
  
The man didn't move. The kid wasn't shaking, but in his eyes, he was nervous. Even if he didn't really plan on shooting, he might accidentally squeeze the trigger, out of fatigue and nerves.  
  
But Kensuke didn't feel any fatigue. If he had, it was washed away by blood and adrenaline. He couldn't help but think of how many movies he'd seen with this exact scene in them. He tried not to shake. He could see and hear everything. His senses were open to his heartbeat, and that of the man standing before him. He started to wish it would just shut up.  
  
To hell with this. It was just a kid. He couldn't live with himself if a damn kid had caught him. He could move faster. He'd been trained for it.  
  
Kensuke saw the man's hand slowly move towards his jacket. "I said don't move!"  
  
"You're not going to shoot me. Relax, kid. No one will blame you. I'm a professional."  
  
Kensuke didn't answer. He pulled back the hammer on the gun.  
  
Idiot.  
  
There was a flash of light, and the sound of a gun.  
  
  
"Sir!" The security officer stopped Yoshi. "There's been a report of the sound of gunfire in the Central Dogma emergency exit shaft."  
  
"It's all right, that's where we're headed." Yoshi blinked, and put it together. "Damn it! Come on!"  
  
They moved even faster. Yoshi couldn't believe this. That kid. That damned, stupid kid! Was he trying to get himself killed? He'd been told to stay in the office. That meant you stayed in the office. You didn't run off after an intruder. That's how people get killed.  
  
The exit shaft was just up ahead. As they neared it, a figure could be made out, standing over a fallen body. It was Kensuke. He stood over the intruder, his gun pointed at the man. The intruder's gun was against the wall. Kensuke had kicked it away. Yoshi and the security team froze for a second, giving themselves time to take in the scene, and try to believe it. They surrounded the intruder, who only laid back on the ground, staring up. He was bleeding from his shoulder. Yoshi reached down, and pulled the man's palm computer out of his pocket.   
  
"Heh. I imagine you must be feeling pretty bad right now, eh? Beaten by a kid. No offense, Kensuke. All right, get him out of here."  
  
The security team picked him up, along with his gun. He shouted as they grabbed him under the arm, but none of them really seemed to care. Yoshi watched them carry him away. Kensuke stood rock still, looking out at the open end of the shaft.  
  
"Well, I can't believe it. You actually stopped him. Kensuke? Kensuke?" The young man didn't move. "Um, are you all right?"  
  
He fell to his knees, and let out a long breath of air. Yoshi laughed. After a few moments of re-teaching him how to breathe, he said, "I... I didn't think I'd make it, really. I saw him reach for his gun, and I..."  
  
"It was just a flash of light, right?" Kensuke looked up at him, and nodded. He helped him up. "Hey, don't worry about it. It's your first time to shoot someone in the arm."  
  
Kensuke was led away, his arms still shaking. "Yeah. I stopped him, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, we won't go over that part. You should probably start breathing again, before you fall over."  
  
***  
  
Everyone stayed at Misato's for dinner. Asuka finally lightened up after a few beers, and had to be dragged back to her apartment by Hikari. Shinji and Touji eventually left, drinking to sooth the pangs of abandonment. It was funny seeing them like this. Of course it wasn't the most mature way to act, and Misato doubted at one point if it was at all realistic, she let it go. They deserved a chance to let go, once in a while.   
  
Rei was the only one sober enough to stay and help clean up. She washed the dishes while Misato took out the garbage, and was alone for a few minutes. It was nice, she thought, to be able to relax. Even if it was ordered, and didn't make their problems go away, it was nice to just forget they existed, if only for a little while. It gave her time to think about how to handle them.  
  
Why did you kill it?  
  
She almost dropped the dish she was drying off. This couldn't happen. It wasn't real.  
  
Avoiding the problem won't make it go away. Now answer the question.  
  
"You're dead," she told... herself? It?  
  
You should read more. Angels don't die. We have no conception of life and death. There is only purpose.  
  
"Your purpose is over. You failed. Now go away."  
  
You killed it. It came to you for purpose. Is this what you've become, Rei? Will you kill everything that tries to help you escape this fragile, futile existence?  
  
"It is not futile. I will not believe that old lie. Leave me alone!"  
  
It is in everything's nature to fulfill its purpose. When it has no purpose, it must seek one out, or cease to exist. Will you condemn them for that? You yourself sought purpose, once. Help them.  
  
"They are Angels. They only care about destruction. They don't care who they hurt in the process."  
  
It is simply the way things are.  
  
"That's an excuse! They hurt Ikari, and Asuka, and Suzuhara! They just wanted Adam. They just wanted destruction."  
  
Destruction is the ultimate fate of everything. It does not matter when it comes, except that a purpose has been fulfilled before that time comes. You took that away from it. You killed it before it even had a chance to-  
  
"To what? Take my soul? My Self? I will not let that happen again. No matter what, and you can not force me."  
  
You will choose. It's inevitable.  
  
  
Misato walked back in, stretching. Why didn't this place have a garbage chute, or something? It's so much trouble to drag the trash all the way down...  
  
"Rei?" The girl stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring into space. Misato waved her hand in front of her. She didn't respond. "Rei, come on." She shook her. "Rei, please, wake up." She still didn't respond. Misato grabbed her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. They were huge, and glazed over. "Damn it, Rei, snap out of it!"  
  
  
She was in the room where she was born, hundreds of feet beneath the earth. This was the first place that had been etched into her mind. It's images and hues were a part of her psyche as much as the impressions from the woman who was her genetic mother. Yui Ikari.  
  
"And this is the place where it began." She turned. Kaworu stood behind her. "This is where it was decided that you would be like me."  
  
"I am not like you. What happened here doesn't matter anymore."  
  
"What happened here was supposed to be the way to the future for mankind, and it failed. Gendo Ikari believed in making a new world where there would be no pain. Where no one would die." He locked eyes with her. "You were the key to that dream."  
  
"I am not that person, anymore. That dream was something never destined to happen."  
  
"You believed in it."  
  
She looked down. "No. I... I believed in him. I had nothing else."  
  
"And what do you have now?"  
  
She smiled. "Friends. People who I care for, and who care for me in return."  
  
"You believe in these bonds?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He was in front of her, close enough for her to feel his breath. She looked at him, unafraid. "You were like me," he said. "You learned how to be human, how to find meaning in existence beyond narrow purpose."  
  
"I was always human, and I am not like you, anymore. They can't affect me, Kaworu. I won't believe it. Is that the only reason you're here? To tell me what... it said? That I am not who I choose to be? If you are, I won't believe it. Asuka and Ikari won't believe it. Misato and Suzihara won't, either. I am who I say I am."  
  
He smiled at her, in the same way he always smiled. It was a gentle expression that made you believe he was really listening to you. She wondered if it was as genuine as it seemed.   
  
"No, Rei. I am here to warn you." He looked to his left, to the bench. She followed his gaze.  
  
The thing that sat there was her, but not her. It was part of her, she knew. That part which was thought to have burned away. That part that craved a purpose, that sought to take into itself everything it felt was lost and incomplete. That part of herself that was Adam, the father and mother of the Angels.  
  
The being sat hunched over herself, clutching her stomach. It seemed to be in pain, but when it looked up at her, it was smiling.  
  
Kaworu spoke. "You used the Children of Lilith, the demons, to defeat the Angels. Then you used your own wills to stop Instrumentality to take control of your own destiny. What you did not realize was that there would be consequences. For every path to the future that closes, another possibility opens up."  
  
The being's eyes glowed with an intense red light, and her skin split open. The scent and color of blood sprayed out at Rei, but she didn't look away. Beneath the skin, something else was emerging, taking place of her form. Her body cracked and grew, the limbs growing longer, the torso expanding, and the flesh beneath taking on a dark, purple and red hue. The flesh on her back opened up, and great wings extended from the wounds. She looked up at Rei, and smiled. Its face was still her own.  
  
There was a scream, and Rei's world went black.  
  
End Part 5  
  
Author's Notes: Well, this chapter's a little short, but I had to save something to put in the next one. Things just keep getting weirder and weirder, eh? And my second chapter without a big Angel battle! Aren't you proud of me? I'm sure I'm not the only person out there who wanted to see Kensuke shine just a little. After all, he got such a bad treatment in the series. Kind of how I pictured Yoshi as a kid. At least he's not a self-insert original character. I've learned my lesson. Anyway, maybe now some of the mysteries can start to be answered, for those of you who aren't putting the pieces together very well. But don't hold your breath. I'm going to torture you guys for as long as I can! Well, that's enough of my babble. Remember, constructive reviews are always greatly appreciated. And any further flames, critics, death threats and rants that fanficiton.net doesn't have the bandwidth for can be sent to loneshark707@hotmail.com.   
  
As a side note, a friend of mine had a dream after reading the first three chapters of this fic, about Evangelion clips set to the System of a Down song "Chop Suey!" Kinda fits, eh?   
  
"I cry when angels deserve to die!"  
--System of a Down, "Chop Suey!" 


	6. Fear and Loathing on Earth

Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
Chapter 6: Fear and Loathing on Earth  
  
Misato tapped a pencil on her desk out of nervous habit, and looked from the report to the palm computer in her hand. "Are you sure this is all you could get out of him?"  
  
Kensuke and Yoshi sat on the other side of the desk, looking tired and hungry. They nodded. "Again, Misato, yes. That's it. He had a hole in his arm when we found him. All he ever says when we try and question him is that stream of babble in the report."  
  
She looked at it again, and then looked at Shinji, who sat on the couch. He shrugged, and said, "I guess that's as far as we're going to get in questioning him, if he's delirious."  
  
She nodded. "You're right. No sense in pushing it. Are you all right, Kensuke? I knew he didn't leave you any choice. If you want to stop, then I'll understand."  
  
He shook his head. "No way. We still have to find out what he was after. We don't even know who he is. We can't find records of his fingerprints anywhere. Not that we would, since they've apparently been burned off."  
  
"Okay, okay. That's enough about it, then." She looked back to Shinji. "How's Rei?"  
  
"The doctor determined she passed out because of fatigue. Asuka and Hikari are with her right now. She won't say what happened." He continued his favored pose of crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at his lap. "He suggested that she take a couple of days off. Maybe not pilot her Eva on the next mission."  
  
"There's not a hope in hell of that happening."  
  
Yoshi resisted the urge to yawn. "Do you think I should run another synch test and look at her psych pattern?"  
  
Misato chewed on the tip of her thumb for a moment, and then tossed the palm computer to Kensuke. "See what you can get out of this. I want to know who he is. I don't care if his fingerprints are burned off. There's got to be some way of figuring out who he is and what he's after."  
  
Kensuke nodded, and he and Shinji left. Yoshi stretched. "So, about that test?"  
  
"No, Yoshi. I think the best way to find out what's going on with Rei is to just ask."  
  
"But Rei won't even talk to Shinji about it. Why do you think she-- ?"  
  
"No. Not Rei. It's time I finally asked the one person who can help us answer a lot of the questions that we've never found the answers to."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "You mean Dr. Akagi?"  
  
There was a knock at the door. "Come in."  
  
Kitari walked in. "Commander Katsuragi? Have I caught you at a bad time?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, Mr. Kitari. What is it?"  
  
Yoshi unconsciously backed away from the man as he approached Misato's desk. There was just something about him that made Yoshi nervous, ever since the last Angel battle. When he realized he was backing away, he regained control of himself, and headed for the door. "I'll be in my office if you need me for anything, Commander."  
  
She nodded to him, and turned back to Kitari. "Now what was it you wanted?"  
  
"I just came by to remind you that I'll be needing a copy of the report on last night's intrusion."  
  
"Of course you'll get one. I'm having Dr. Iwano finish up the investigation right now. You'll get a report as soon as he's ready."  
  
He nodded. "Of course. You certainly keep your subordinates busy. I also heard a rumor that the young man I saw with Lieutenant Ikari was the one responsible or apprehending the intruder. I'm not completely familiar with NERV's personnel, but I don't remember seeing him in any of the security profiles."  
  
Misato cursed under her breath. "He's. a specialist we just brought in."  
  
"He seems a bit young. Wasn't he one of the candidate children before the Impact?"  
  
"Mr. Kitari, I'm very busy, so if you could excuse me?"  
  
"I'd just like to remind you, Commander, that it's against the terms of your charter to withhold information from the UN."  
  
She resisted the urge to growl, but stood up. "And I'd like to remind you that you're just an observer here, Mr. Kitari. I run this place, and you'll get your reports when we've completed our tasks, as per the terms of our charter. Now unless there is anything else you need, please get out."  
  
Kitari stared at her with his perpetually calm and self-assured gaze. "I'm sorry to bother you. I guess I should have realized how busy you've been lately. Good day, Commander."  
  
After he left, Misato collapsed back in her chair. She cursed herself. She'd fallen into that one. He set her up to get pissed off. She thought about what he'd said. He must have done some digging into their attempts to upgrade the Evas. It wasn't as if she was going to keep it a secret permanently. She was planning on telling them about it when they had proof they could do it. Otherwise there would be pressure to keep NERV under their thumb, because they were afraid.  
  
She had to find a way to change everything Gendo Ikari had done, as a way to redeem NERV, and the Evangelions. Maybe she could even redeem herself.  
  
She hated to admit it, but there was only one way to do that now that she could think of. She had to ask for her help.  
  
And hopefully Ritsuko wouldn't try to kill her for it.  
  
  
  
Shinji left Kensuke in cafeteria after leaving Misato's office. Being named her lieutenant gave him a lot more paperwork to go through than just the usual reports. He sat behind his desk, but didn't touch a single paper. He stared at the stacks, thinking about Rei. What was happening to her? It had something to do with that Angel. They'd all heard it scream. Was there something else to it? Had it only screamed, or was that all he'd heard?  
  
"Hey." He looked up. Asuka stood in the doorway. "So is this what a lieutenant does? Hell, now I pity that you got the promotion."  
  
He smiled. "Hey. I thought you were with Rei and Hikari?"  
  
She walked in, and leaned against his desk. "Touji volunteered to take my place. She still won't say what happened. We've stopped asking her about it."  
  
"I think she learned how to be so stubborn from you."  
  
She sat in his lap, and smacked her palm against his forehead. "You dork. Why the hell are you making jokes when I'm trying to be serious?" He shrugged. She kissed him. "You idiot."  
  
"Yeah, I know." He leaned his head back.  
  
"Oh, will you stop thinking about it for a little while? You can't take responsibility for everything, you jerk."  
  
"Yeah. But you're feeling the same thing, aren't you, Asuka? That if we let them win, if we let them get to her like this, then everything we've done and gone through won't mean a thing?"  
  
She frowned. "No. Because I'm not going to lose to them. And I know you won't, either. You're too stubborn to let that happen."  
  
"You're sounding rather optimistic."  
  
"Well of course! Without me you'd just spend all your time moping about a problem instead of getting around to it."  
  
"Hey, that's not tru--!" She cut him off with another kiss. She pulled back for a second to grin and say, "I swear, that's the only way I can get you to shut up, sometimes." She kissed him again.  
  
They looked up at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Yoshi stood in the doorway. "I hope I'm not interrupting some sort of conference between a lieutenant and a pilot, am I?"  
  
Asuka hopped off of Shinji's lap. "Japanese have no concept of privacy, I swear."  
  
Shinji scratched at his head. "Um, sorry, Dr. Iwano. I know I should be working. We were talking about Rei, really. I mean, we were, but."  
  
He shook his head. "It's none of my business, Shinji, and I'd rather keep it that way. I just wanted to let you know that Misato and I have to go off base for a couple of hours."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"To. talk to a consultant. I'll tell you more about it when we get back."  
  
"So who's supposed to run everything if another Angel attacks?"  
  
Asuka stared at him. "You've got to be kidding me?"  
  
"I'll see you later, Lieutenant, Shinji." He disappeared from the doorway.  
  
Shinji sat back in his chair. "Oh, hell. This is the big 'can the young officer handle it?' test of manhood, isn't it?"  
  
Asuka growled. "Don't give me that crap!"  
  
He jumped, and looked at her. "Huh? Wait, I didn't mean--!"  
  
"You know damn well you can handle it. I don't even know why I'm telling you that. You'll pull it off. And do you know why?"  
  
"My incredibly dumb luck?"  
  
She smiled, despite herself. Why the hell did she fall in love with him? He'd grown up so much from the boy he'd been, but he could still act like a confused, stupid male. "Yeah. I guess I can't hold it against you. Males are just naturally this dense." She pulled him out of his seat. "Now come and buy me lunch, Lieutenant."  
  
"But I've still got-"  
  
"Don't complain. You're getting paid more now; you can afford it."  
  
  
  
Yoshi stared out the window of Misato's car. He'd gotten better at ignoring the way she drove. His hands hardly shook at all. He just wished he'd been able to take a nap during the drive. "You think he'll be able to handle it? I know he's grown pretty resourceful, but if an Angel attacked."  
  
"Then he'd take care of it." She was thankful for any sort of conversation. It helped her to avoid thinking about what she was about to do. "He knows the procedures. I'm sure he'll do fine. And there's no indication that we have to worry about an attack right now, anyway."  
  
"That's not what I'm worried about."  
  
"Then why did you ask me?"  
  
"I don't know. I've just got a bad feeling, I guess. I'm not saying I don't think he could handle it. I'm worried that handling it might cost us something."  
  
"Every action has a risk, Yoshi." She pulled the car into the parking lot of the hospital. It was tall, and bland, and very grim. The sun didn't seem to reach this place. Half a kilometer down the road, she'd noticed that the sky seemed. dimmer than it should be. Now it was practically overcast, even with no clouds in the sky above them. It brought back brief memories of her own time in a place like this.  
  
"Come on, let's get this over with."  
  
The inside of the hospital was as bland and oppressive as the outside. Yoshi wondered aloud if this sort of place was really the best environment for mental healing. Misato only shrugged, and told the receptionist that they were here to see Ritsuko Akagi. They waited until a doctor approached them.  
  
He was a clean man in his early forties, with graying hair and a thick mustache. He looked too much like every other doctor in the place. They must mass-produce them somewhere.  
  
He shook their hands. "Miss. Katsuragi, welcome to Tetsaru Hospital. I'm Dr. Tekeno. You're here to see Miss. Akagi, right? Just follow me."  
  
He led them through the sterile halls, which seemed far more expansive than the exterior of the building implied. Yoshi quietly followed, trying to avoid looking directly into any of the small windows on the doors.  
  
"So, you were a friend of Miss Akagi before she came here, is that right?" Dr. Tekeno spoke without looking at them, totally at home here.  
  
Misato tried not to stammer. "Um, yes, we. I mean I was. I haven't seen her since she was brought here."  
  
"Yes, well, I understand. She tends to be a bit cryptic in her sessions, especially when she mentions you. I think we've made progress with her, recently. She's finally appeared to let go of the delusion that she should be dead."  
  
"Is her. problem a common one?" Misato immediately wondered why she asked that.  
  
"Well, given the. incident that happened four years ago, it's come to be an odd phenomenon. I can't say I remember much of it, myself. I mean it's a little hard to not believe something happened, am I right? Something happened, obviously. I'd just like to see someone give a straight explanation for it."  
  
Misato ignored Yoshi's slightly amused glance. It was true that most people hadn't been completely aware that Third Impact had occurred. They, like the doctor, were aware that something happened. They just couldn't be sure of what. It hadn't been a completely bad thing. Many people became. happier. They found more contentment in their lives. Many others quit their jobs, returned to their families, and basically went out and followed their desires. There were reports that the vast majority of the population had found a sort of renewed meaning to life.  
  
There were only a small percentage of people that actually remembered Instrumentality, and the visions they witnessed inside it. The outward effects were much the same: renewed appreciation for life, old prejudices and hatreds dropped, and some people were just happier with themselves.  
  
And then there were those who ended up here. Not everyone could withstand having their deepest fears and weaknesses exposed and brought to life. If one thought about it for too long, it made less and less sense that anyone at all survived it with their sanity intact. No one was ready for it, but it was this pathetic handful of people that would never be meant to endure it. They had fallen victim to their own self-loathing and fear. They represented the ultimate failure of Instrumentality.  
  
Dr. Tekeno stopped them at a security gate to empty their pockets. In the hallway beyond, all the doors were the same. They were blank, whitewashed plates of steel, boxes holding in the crazy and unstable people.  
  
"This is where we keep all of the patients with problems related to the. phenomenon," he said. He led them down to the end of the hall, and looked through the small window in the door on the right. "This is her. It's a real pity, I think. Smart girl like her shouldn't have ended up here."  
  
Misato peered in through the window. Ritsuko sat on the edge of a bed in the far corner. Most of the light came from a single window above the bed. The room itself was just as white as the halls. She looked just like Misato had remembered her, except that her hair was no longer dyed. Her eyes had the same dead look they held when she was carried away.  
  
"Can we see her?"  
  
"Of course." He knocked on the door. "Ritsuko? You've got some visitors." She didn't look up. He shrugged. "Sorry, I'm not sure how responsive she'll be. You'll be monitored, so don't worry too much." He unlocked the door.  
  
Yoshi tried to look at Misato's face, but she stared straight forward, and stepped into the room. He walked in after her, and jumped as the door closed behind him. Misato stood in the middle of the room, watching Ritsuko. She didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she just didn't care. Yoshi fidgeted, and stood off to the side, hopefully in a place where he wouldn't be caught in direct fire.  
  
He jumped again when Ritsuko looked up at him.  
  
The corner of her mouth twisted into a smile, and she looked at Misato. "I was wondering when you'd stop by. Although I have to admit I thought it'd be a little sooner."  
  
"Hello to you too, Ritsuko." Misato unconsciously felt for her gun, and remembered she didn't have it.  
  
"So are you here to kill me, or to ask about the Evas? That's the only reason you'd even bother with me." Misato didn't answer her. "So did Ikari send you, or Keel?"  
  
"NERV is under my control now, Ritsuko. And for you information, no one's seen Ikari since the Impact."  
  
"Then who's he?"  
  
Yoshi straightened, and cleared his throat. "Um, Yoshi Iwano, ma'am. I'm glad to meet you. I-"  
  
She stood, and walked over to the dresser by the bed. She reached into the top drawer, and pulled out a floppy disk. "This is what you want to know, right?"  
  
Yoshi stood frozen for a moment. He was standing in the presence of a legend, albeit an insane legend, and she was acting just as he had imagined she would.  
  
"Cut the crap, Ritsuko," Misato's voice slapped him back into reality. "What are you doing?"  
  
Ritsuko ignored her, and handed the disk to Yoshi. "This is everything I could steal from Ikari. The Magi had it buried away only where I'd find it. You'll be able to do whatever you want to the Evas with that."  
  
Yoshi stared at it. "I, uh."  
  
"Not the most articulate choice for my replacement, are you? Get out." Yoshi nodded, and headed for the door. Misato started to follow. Ritsuko stopped her, and closed the door after Yoshi. "No, I still have a few things to say to you."  
  
  
  
He'd only been lucky, so far. It had been a completely quiet day, and he was almost through with today's paperwork. He looked over at Touji, who was sprawled out in the chair on the other side of the desk. "Don't you have anything to do other than bug me?"  
  
He shrugged. "Kensuke's already thrown me out of Dr. Iwano's office. Asuka drove me away from Rei and Hikari. and Misato's not here to give me something to do. so, no."  
  
"All right. what do you want to do about dinner?"  
  
"What, you're not cooking?"  
  
"Funny."  
  
A nock came at the door, and it opened without waiting for Shinji to answer. Kitari walked in, smiling. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant Ikari, but I'm not interrupting anything, I hope?"  
  
He frowned at the man. "No. Is this important?"  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Most people wait for a reply before barging in," Touji muttered.  
  
Kitari ignored him. "I just wanted to congratulate you on holding things together while the Commander was gone. You might not be so lucky is it happens again."  
  
"Yeah, well, aside from the extra paperwork, it's no big deal."  
  
He smirked. "Really? Well, I was just stopping by to ask you about our conversation the other day."  
  
Shinji looked at the paperwork in front of him, and robotically filled it out. "What about it?"  
  
"To see if you'd given any more thought to what I asked."  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
Before Kitari could speak, Touji stood up. "Yes, Mr. Suzihara?"  
  
"Why don't you leave him alone? It's none of your business why we fight, is it? As long as we keep saving your butt, you should be happy."  
  
Kitari seemed unaffected. "What about when it is over, Mr. Suzihara? What then? Would you stay?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hm. A direct answer. Why?"  
  
Shinji looked up. "Touji, you don't-"  
  
He raised his hand. "No, Shinji. I want to answer him." He looked back at Kitari, and met his eyes. "You want to know why I'd stay, even if there were no more Angels to fight?"  
  
"Indulge me, please."  
  
"Because I'm the only one who can. If I didn't, someone else would have to."  
  
"Hm. How noble."  
  
"Are you making fun of me? Damn it, we--!"  
  
"Touji!" Shinji stood up. "That's enough. Mr. Kitari, would you please leave?" If he didn't, Shinji felt he wouldn't want to stop Touji.  
  
"Answer my question, first. It's just a courtesy, right? I don't mean to be rude. I just want to understand why you would, even if it all fades away."  
  
Shinji glanced at the picture on his desk. It was the same one in Misato's office. He looked back to Kitari. "Because it's my choice. I'm not like you, Kitari. I don't believe what we've done here, and what we've gone through is meaningless. Like Touji said, we're the only ones who can do it. It has to be our choice, and we have to make it. I can't run away from that. I did once, and others paid for it. I won't do that again."  
  
Kitari looked at him, but didn't smile. Shinji tried to hide his confusion. The man seemed totally blasé to everything, except this. His face was blank. He nodded.  
  
"I see."  
  
The alert went off. Touji looked up. "Oh, hell. So much for getting through the day without a problem."  
  
  
  
Shinji entered the control room with Kitari close behind him. The message on the screen in front of him had been expected, unfortunately.  
  
Maya turned to him. "Sir, there's been an energy reading detected close to the same area where the last Angel was encountered. The pattern has registered blue."  
  
"I know," he said. "I can see it. How much time do we have?"  
  
"One hour, sir," Shigeru said.  
  
"Has Misa--, er, Commander Katsuragi been contacted?"  
  
"So far neither the Commander or Dr. Iwano have been reached. Orders, sir?"  
  
Shinji took a deep breath. He glanced back at Kitari. The man watched from the corner, his expression still. "Keep trying to contact them. Tell them to let us know where the hell they're running off to, next time. Do we have anything on the Angel?"  
  
"All the sensors are maxed out. It's huge. We have a camera view."  
  
The screen changed. It stood there, waiting just like the one before. It stood tall and straight, and resembled an Evangelion. Its body was covered in dark, purple and black armor. It turned, and its gaze met the camera. Shinji felt a shudder move though his body.  
  
"Sir, what are your orders?"  
  
It was watching him. He knew it. It was waiting, but there was no other choice.  
  
"Launch Eva Units 00, 02 and 03. Keep trying to contact the Commander and Dr. Iwano."  
  
  
  
"I'm not here about the Evas, Ritsuko. Or about what happened between us." Misato began to think of how she could get out of here without seriously hurting her.  
  
She stepped back from the door, and sat back down on her bed. She looked out the window. "That young man seemed nice. Have you slept with him?"  
  
Misato grit her teeth. "I'm here about Rei. Just tell me what's happening to Rei."  
  
"What is happening to Rei?" She stared out the window.  
  
Misato sighed, and tried to calm herself. "The Angels have reappeared, Ritsuko. But there's something. wrong with them. They're not like the others. There was only supposed to be seventeen Angels. Now that they've come back, something's been happening to Rei. She thinks."  
  
Ritsuko looked at her, waiting.  
  
"She thinks that the part of her that was an Angel is still alive."  
  
"Adam."  
  
"Yes."  
  
She looked back out the window. "You hate the Angels, Misato. Why would you try to help Rei?"  
  
"She's not an Angel, damn it! I know Rei, now. Who she is. What she wants to be. She's not like what she used to be. We know her."  
  
"We? Oh, right. Shinji. Have you slept with him, too?"  
  
Misato struggled to restrain herself. This was how Ritsuko always did it. It turned into a game, to see if she could take her taunts. "I'm not here to play games, Ritsuko. The Angels are back. What does it have to do with Rei being the First Child?"  
  
She spook without looking back. "You're as stubborn as ever. I don't know, honestly. Rei, the part of her that was human, and the part of her that was Adam, merged with Lilith in the Impact, to create Instrumentality. What did you think would happen? It would all go away? All the Angels would burn up? Vanish?" She waited for an answer. Misato stayed silent. She continued, "Typical. You're always such a damn optimist. The Eva series were designed to be the apostles of a new age, to replace the Angels so that Humanity would not be destroyed, but recreated."  
  
"That still doesn't answer-"  
  
"I'm getting to it. Fine. Rei was the First Child. Put the pieces together, Misato. It's right in front of you. Adam is not dead. Not all of it. If Rei still carries a piece of it, then the Angels are being drawn to her. There must be another way. Something we don't know about."  
  
Misato stood there, listening and thinking. Another way. Wasn't that what Karou had said to her? In her dream? He told her there was another way. They were the same.  
  
"You're right, I guess." She looked up. Ritsuko continued to look out the window. "Um. thank you, Ritsuko. I know that I. well, I know everything that happened was hard for you."  
  
"I'm supposed to be dead, you know?"  
  
  
  
Asuka looked at the blip on her monitor. The Angel just stood there, waiting. Just like the last one. Why were they being so. passive? They are Angels. They're supposed to be attacking, not waiting to be attacked. It just didn't make any sense to her.  
  
"All right," Shinji's voice came over the radio. "You're going to have to fan out. Touji, try to get behind that thing. Rei and Asuka will position themselves on either side. Asuka will move in. Touji and Rei are to provide back up. Got it?"  
  
"At least you're learning who's really in charge around here," Asuka said.  
  
Shinji tried not to roll his eyes. "Just do it."  
  
They moved into position around the Angel. It was surrounded, and yet still it did nothing. Asuka tried to stay calm. This didn't make any sense. Why wouldn't it attack?  
  
It watched them move. It studied them. It felt their fear.  
  
It looked to the one holding her. Him. The mother and the father. The one who would give it purpose.  
  
Now it was time.  
  
Shinji took a breath, and readied himself. He wondered if this was what Misato felt. She'd told him about it, once. How she hated sending them out, how it was unfair that all she could do was stand here and watch while they fought. He was beginning to feel the same. Those were his friends out there. The ones he loved and cared about more than anything. Sometimes it felt like they were holding him together.  
  
"Ready, at-"  
  
"Shinji, it's moving!"  
  
"What?"  
  
The Angel rushed forward, aiming for Unit 00. It moved fast, for an Angel. As fast as an Eva.  
  
"Asuka, intercept it! Touji, after that thing!"  
  
Units 02 and 03 moved, chasing after it. Rei stayed in position, aiming her rifle directly at it. She fired. The bullets tore into its body, causing it to stumble. It skidded, and stopped, raising its AT field. The bullets exploded against the field.  
  
Asuka and Touji moved into range, and fired. The Angel lurched forward from the force of the assault. Its AT field weakened.  
  
Asuka grinned. "We've got it. Touji, cover me. I'm going in."  
  
"Just do it, already!"  
  
Unit 02 armed its knife, and ran forward. The Angel turned its head as Unit 02 leaped at it, and brought the knife down in both hands. Light flashed as it struck the AT field. Asuka brought the knife down, slicing the field in half. Unit 02's leg shot out, and kicked the Angel's legs out from under it. Asuka plunged her knife. The Angel's arm came up, and the knife dug into it.  
  
The Angel's flesh reached out, and wrapped around the knife. Asuka tried to pull it out once, and started to let go. The flesh moved faster, wrapping around Unit 02's wrist and hand. Asuka cried out.  
  
Rei adjusted her sights. "Asuka, pull back."  
  
"I can't! It's grabbed on to me!"  
  
The Angel rose, taking a hold of Unit 02 with both hands. Asuka looked up, and met its eyes.  
  
You are not the one I am here for. Go, demon.  
  
All four Evangelion pilots froze. They'd heard it. Again. It had spoken to them.  
  
  
  
Yoshi grumbled. This was taking way too long. Misato never talked about Dr. Akagi. Well, except for the time he bothered to ask. but otherwise she never mentioned her. Not even when she was drunk.  
  
He wandered back to the security gate to get his things. He could wait for her outside. This place made him anxious. He retrieved his things, and looked at his cell phone. He blinked. Who the hell would have a reason to call him that many times?  
  
Before he could find out, the phone ringed again. He answered it. "Dr. Iwano. What? When?"  
  
He ran back to Ritsuko Akagi's cell.  
  
Misato sighed. "Please, Ritsuko. I don't-"  
  
"So tell me about Shinji."  
  
"You're not going to get at me by using him. You hear me, Ritsuko? Cut it out."  
  
She turned and looked at her. "Aw, what's wrong? Don't like me making fun of your precious boy?"  
  
"Stop it."  
  
Ritsuko stood. "How much do you remember before the Impact, Misato?"  
  
She shook her head. "What does that matter?"  
  
"Just answer the question." Misato met her eyes. She wasn't trying to taunt her anymore.  
  
"I. don't think about it a lot. Not much, I guess."  
  
"Try."  
  
"I remember. Shinji. And Asuka. She'd just been put into the hospital. Shinji was still hurt about Kaoru. You were. you know where you were. And I was. I tried."  
  
"Tried what?"  
  
Misato stared into space, remembering. "I tried to stop Instrumentality. I made Shinji and Asuka pilot the Evas. But. something went wrong. It didn't."  
  
"You failed. Remember?"  
  
She nodded. Her hand went to her breast. "Why don't I have clear memories of it?"  
  
"No one really does. No one except me. I remember being shot. I died. You were shot, also. Although you may still have had some life left in you."  
  
Misato shook her head, and turned away. "No. That can't be right. I know we didn't stop it, but that's not right! We didn't die! How else would we still be alive?"  
  
"That's what I've been thinking about it. I blame Shinji, personally."  
  
She turned back to her. "So that's what this is? You are just trying to-"  
  
"No. Think about it, you idiot. Why do you think it was his Eva that achieved self-awareness? His Eva moved under its own power, again and again. It reacted to him. His mother was merged into Unit 01. Why do you think all that happened? Because Ikari wanted it that way? Because it had to be that way?"  
  
Misato stared at her. "Shut up, Ritsuko. I'm warning you, right now."  
  
"Or what? You'll hit a crazy lady? A crazy lady whose supposed to be dead? That'd be a laugh, wouldn't it? Two dead women fighting."  
  
She felt her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "Now, Ritsuko. Stop it."  
  
"We were supposed to be dead. Instrumentality didn't bring back the dead. It was all his fault. If he'd never been born, it wouldn't have happened. Gendo Ikari used his own son to make it happen. He should never have been born."  
  
Misato lashed out, and slapped her. It was all she could do to keep herself from using her fists.  
  
Ritsuko looked at her, half grinning, and grabbed her jacket. "Don't you get it? He's the reason it failed! He stopped it! Do you even realize what he is?"  
  
Misato pushed her off, and raised her fist.  
  
"Misato! Misato, get out here!" Yoshi pounded on the door.  
  
"Young man, you can't-"  
  
"Open this door!"  
  
"But, I-"  
  
"You see this badge? Now open the damn door!"  
  
The lock clicked open. Misato stared at her. She was crazy, but also frightening. She truly believed everything she'd said. Maybe it was true.  
  
She turned her back, and walked out. It didn't matter. What mattered was that they were alive, now. What mattered was keeping it that way.  
  
When she walked out, Yoshi was red-faced. "What's wrong?"  
  
He held up his cell phone. "It's. it's attacking! Another Angel is attacking!"  
  
  
  
Asuka slammed her other fist into the Angel's head. She kept hitting it, but it wouldn't let go. The Angel grabbed Unit 02's neck, and lifted her up. She struggled for breath.  
  
Die for the final time, demon.  
  
"Let her go!" Rei clubbed the Angel from behind with her rifle. It turned, and slammed its shoulder into Unit 00. She stumbled back from the blow. The Angel dropped Unit 02, and turned its full attention on Rei.  
  
There you are. Now I will have purpose.  
  
"Asuka, stay down!" Touji rushed forward, firing. The Angel turned back to him. The bullets weren't even phasing it, now. It was too close. It picked up Unit 02, using it as a shield. Asuka screamed.  
  
"Damn you!" Touji pulled out his knife, and kept charging.  
  
Shinji tried to stop him. "Touji, stop!"  
  
The Angel lifted Unit 02 above its head, and threw it. The Eva flew into Unit 03, knocking them both to the ground.  
  
Rei reached up, and stabbed her knife into the Angel's side. It looked down at her, and grinned.  
  
Don't fight me. You must give me purpose.  
  
Shinji watched, feeling himself grow sick. "Damn it. What are Units 02 and 03's status?"  
  
"Pilot Soryu's vital signs are still active, but she's unconscious. Unit 03 is pinned beneath Unit 02."  
  
Kensuke walked up behind him, looking at the screen. "Shinji, what's happening out there?"  
  
"I. damn it! I can't just sit here." He turned to Kensuke. "I'm sorry, Kensuke. I shouldn't have stayed here." He spoke to the operators. "Prepare to launch Unit 01."  
  
"But Lieutenant, you can't just abandon-"  
  
"Just do it!" He was already running to the hangar.  
  
The Angel bent down, and pulled Unit 00 to its feet. Rei tried to pull the knife out, but the Angel's body wouldn't let go of it. She tried harder.  
  
Why do you fight it? You must give me purpose. Why do you fight me?  
  
She struggled against its grip. It couldn't possibly be this strong. "I'm. not that. I'm not an."  
  
You are the one. You hold him within you. Give me my purpose.  
  
"I'm not an Angel. I'm not one of you!"  
  
1 Give me purpose. Give me purpose!  
  
The Angel threw Unit 00 to the ground. It perched over her, and started to pull at the Eva's armor. Rei screamed as she felt its fingers dig into the armor, cracking and pulling it away. The Angel dug its hands into the Eva's flesh, pulling and tearing. Rei couldn't move. The pain screamed inside of her.  
  
2 Where are you? Come out, please. Give me pur-  
  
Unit 01 slammed into the Angel, knocking it away. "Get off of her!"  
  
It slid along the ground, digging a wide furrow in its wake. It looked up, and Unit 01 was already upon it, firing its rifle. Shinji shot its face. It got up, anyway, and lurched forward.  
  
I must have purpose. Get out of my way!  
  
It slammed its fists into Unit 01. Shinji shoved his shoulder into it, and kept firing into its gut.  
  
"I won't let you hurt them, damn it! Just stay away!" The rifle clip emptied. He raised the rifle, and smashed it down on the Angel's head. It looked up at him, and its face twisted into a snarl.  
  
Then you will die.  
  
It lunged at him, bashing Unit 01's chest.  
  
All who would prevent purpose must die.  
  
It beat at him relentlessly.  
  
All the demons must die.  
  
Shinji tired to ignore the pain. His hand reached down and pulled out his pistol.  
  
Die!  
  
He brought the pistol up, put the barrel to the Angel's head, and fired. It fell off him, and rolled on the ground. Unit 01 rose up, and turned again to fire at the Angel. It looked at him, and flickered in space. In an eye blink, it disappeared.  
  
"What the--? Where'd the target go?"  
  
"We're not sure, sir, it just-behind you!"  
  
Unit 01 turned around. The Angel was making its way back to Unit 00. Shinji leaped at it, and locked his arm around its neck. He pulled its arm behind its back, and struggled to hold it.  
  
"No, damn you! You can't take her!"  
  
I will have purpose.  
  
"Shut up! I'll kill you before you hurt them! You hear me? I'm sick of you monsters! Just leave us alone!"  
  
Asuka opened her eyes. Touji was yelling in her ear.  
  
"Asuka, wake up, you stupid German!"  
  
"What? What's going on?"  
  
"You're on me, and Shinji's fighting the Angel. Get up!"  
  
She looked. Unit 01 had the Angel in a headlock. She squeezed her eyes tight, and opened them again. "What. that idiot! Shinji, what are you doing?"  
  
The Angel looked up to the sky, and roared. The sound echoed inside Asuka's brain. She grabbed her ears, but didn't look away. An aura of light began to surround both the Angel and Unit 01. It grew brighter.  
  
"Shinji! Let go of it! Shinji?"  
  
The light became blinding. Asuka looked away. The roar drowned out all other senses. The world became a scream of darkness.  
  
Then it stopped. Asuka looked up. The Angel was gone. Unit 01 stood frozen.  
  
"What's going on? Where's the target? Command, where the hell is the Angel?"  
  
"The target has disappeared!"  
  
"Disappeared? Shinji, did you hear that?" There was no answer. Shinji?"  
  
Touji spoke up. "What's Unit 01's status?"  
  
"Damn it, Shinji, answer me!"  
  
"Unit 01 has gone silent. Lieutenant Ikari. he's."  
  
Touji growled. "What, damn it?"  
  
"Lieutenant Ikari isn't in Unit 01. He's disappeared along with the target."  
  
Asuka looked up at the frozen Eva. "Shinji? Shinji!"  
  
Asuka screamed.  
  
End Part 6  
  
Author's Notes: Ah, welcome to "strange plot twist number 21342230000!" Things just keep getting weirder and weirder, huh? Gee, I wish this would all make some damn sense! Where the hell did Shinji go? Is he dead? Alive? Did the Angel take him? What's the deal!!?? Heheheh. I ain't tellin'. Not until next chapter, anyway. Some fun, huh? Well, happy Halloween to ya. Just think of this as my own little "trick or treat." Until next chapter, the complaint department is at loneshark707@hotmail.com. Unless you wanna bash me publicly, in which case just leave something on fanfiction.net. Tag! 


	7. Thy God, the Martyr

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyright and trademarked by Gainax. All characters created by them are used here without permission, and for entertainment purposes only. I don't mean to infringe, only to entertain. Please don't sue my poor ass.  
  
Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Seraphim  
  
by the Loneshark  
  
Chapter 7: Thy God, the Martyr  
  
Touji sat on the floor, and stared into space. It was all he could do to ignore the silence and keep it from swallowing him up. Static ran through his brain; anyone looking at him would think he was a vegetable. If they looked at the empty bottles lying on the table, they might call a hospital. He wasn't sure if all of them were his.   
  
He couldn't quite remember anything beyond walking in the front door, after coming home from the battle. Asuka had grabbed the bottle of tequila before he could get to it, and disappeared into Shinji's room. Kensuke had stayed at NERV, devoting himself to working on discovering the true goals of the saboteur. Rei had actually joined him in obliterating brain cells, and had spent whatever hours she wasn't conscious asleep on the couch.  
  
Hikari sat down beside him, and curled up on his lap.  
  
"How is she?" He still wasn't sober. He actually worried about Asuka.  
  
"She's asleep, again. I left her some food on the desk... hopefully she'll eat it."  
  
He stared at the bottles. "I guess it was pretty stupid of us to loose control like this."  
"It's been three days... and I still can't believe it. I mean, I know something like this has happened before, but..."  
  
"Yeah, it was different then. We didn't know what was going on. We just knew that Shinji wasn't going to be at school for a while. Now..." He shook his head. He remembered being worried about his friend, when they told him that. No one would tell him the truth, no matter what he tried. He'd finally gotten Shinji to tell him the truth a couple of years ago. Knowing that he'd completely... assimilated with an Eva hadn't made it any easier.  
  
And now they didn't know any more than they did back then. Shinji hadn't assimilated with the Eva. He hadn't reverted to the "primordial state," or whatever the hell it was. He was gone. Disappeared. An Angel had taken him while he was trying to protect his friends.  
  
Touji sighed. "You know, the only thing he wanted to do was protect us. He felt like he had something to make up for. He looked Kitari straight in the eye and told him that he wouldn't let that happen again. And then the idiot had to go and keep his promise."  
  
"Don't talk like that. Misato says he's still alive, Touji. It's not like you to give up on him."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." He didn't have the spirit to even argue.  
  
Damn it, Shinji. Just be alive. That's all we want.  
  
***  
  
The silence moved with a will of its own. It traveled down the hall, slipped under the door, and sat down beside her. Sometimes there would be a sound, like someone drawing breath, or whispering a name, and she'd look up, hoping to see him standing there. But there was only the silence.  
  
She woke up briefly, and in that space between consciousness and dream, she saw him lying next to her. It jolted her awake, and he vanished. She fell back down, and cried again. The pillow was becoming a map of her tears.   
  
Damn him. He promised he wouldn't do this. He promised her that. She'd let herself care for him, and let him care about her, and then he went and did something stupid. It was just like him. He always did this. Just when you thought he'd gotten it right, he would do something that made you wonder how he'd learned to walk without breaking his skull.  
  
She would curse him, and cry. Then she would regret it, because she couldn't help but be in love with him. It made her cry again. He'd done it for them. That was one of the things she couldn't understand. If he cared so much about them, why did he always put himself in front of the danger? Didn't he know that they cared for him just as much? Didn't he know that?  
  
She lifted her head out of the pillow, and looked at the desk. A picture of the two of them sat on it: in it, she stood behind him with her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder. He smiled at the camera, his arms wrapped back around her. She couldn't remember when it had been taken, but he kept it there, all the same, even though he woke up to her almost every morning.  
  
She reached up, and pulled the picture close to her, and fell asleep clutching it, covering it with tears.  
  
***  
  
Kensuke sat back for a moment only to rub his eyes clear. He'd fallen asleep working, again. He reached for his mug only to find it empty. So was the whole coffee pot. He picked it up, and found his way to the cafeteria. Yoshi had shown him how to bogart the coffee machine without getting in trouble. It was cheaper than pouring money into the vending machine.  
  
He stood there, watching the coffee pour into the pot, and tried not to think. He acted on autopilot, moving through streams of data on the computer in a Zen trance. He didn't think about what was driving him; he only acted on it. But it kept crawling back into his mind, refusing to let him rest. Maybe he was just using this as a way to run from it.  
  
He looked up at the sound of footsteps. Yoshi poked his head in the kitchen.   
  
"So," he said, "you still haven't quit?"  
  
Kensuke nodded. "Yeah. Where've you been? I haven't seen you in... five hours, maybe?"  
  
Yoshi shook his head. "More like nine. I got some sleep. At least you're making the coffee. Misato's would just kill us."  
  
"I heard that!" Misato called from the cafeteria. "Save me a cup, will ya?"  
  
Both of them rolled their eyes, and waited for the pot to finish. They brought it out to the table, and sat down with Misato.  
  
Kensuke ran his hands through his hair, ignoring his coffee. "Damn it, studying for exams has nothing on this."  
  
"Not going too well, huh?" Misato sipped her coffee.  
  
"It's part of that, and that the Magi just have so much information. I don't think I could understand even a quarter of it all."  
  
Yoshi nodded. "Well, we're not looking for a quarter of it, so just take it easy." He drank his coffee, and looked at the two of them. It was plain on their faces, but they wouldn't say it. Did they not want to think about it? It might be better; Rei and Touji and the others weren't taking it well when they did think about it.  
  
Misato put her mug down. "All right, Yoshi, what?"  
  
He jumped. "S-sorry. I just... No one's said anything. I know it's not easy to think about it, but it's not like we should just run away from the truth."  
  
"No one's running, Yoshi. We're all just dealing with it differently."  
  
Kensuke shook his head. "I'm not running." They both looked at him. "I know what Shinji did was the right thing. If he hadn't gone out there, Rei would be dead. I can't believe he'd die, either. It just doesn't... I don't feel like he's dead. There's something telling me that he's alive." He looked up, his expression pleading for their understanding. He found it in them, and continued. "He did what he felt he had to do. And he believed in me. He believed I could help you guys find out what the spy was after. I don't want to let him down."  
  
Yoshi smiled at him. "It looks like you're taking it better than the others."  
  
"You can't really blame them," Misato said. "They're just trying to find a way to deal with it. To accept it. Hell, if feels like the only thing keeping me from joining them is the job." She stared at her coffee, and then looked at Kensuke. "You didn't put anything in this, did you?"   
  
"Huh? No! I mean, I wouldn't, uh..."  
  
She shook her head. "I'm opening up to you two way too much for this not to be spiked."  
  
Yoshi sipped his. "Come on, Misato. You know it's not the job. You don't need it to hold you together. You and Shinji are the strongest ones here. It's the two of you who keep this place going."  
  
She laughed. "You sure you got enough sleep?"  
  
"I'm fine. I guess I'm just finally starting to see what's great about you. I mean, as a commander, I guess. I..."  
  
Misato looked at him, and then tried to beat down the thoughts coming up from the back of her brain. It was just the grief and worry affecting her, that's it. "Yoshi, I-"  
  
Kensuke snored. His head was buried in his arms. He'd fallen asleep without them even noticing.  
  
Yoshi laughed, and stood up. "I'll get back to work. You should probably get some sleep, too."  
  
"I'll be fine, Yoshi. Thanks." He stood there for a moment, and finally she said, "You think he's still alive?"  
  
"I know you do. It will still be another two days before the emergency beacon in his plug suit activates. And Shinji's smart. He'll survive, Misato. You and Asuka should know that about him better than anyone." He picked up his coffee, and left.  
  
Misato stayed, kept company by Kensuke's snoring. She wished she'd made the coffee, instead. It would work a lot better at keeping her awake. She didn't think about it long, since she collapsed against the table shortly after, and fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
This place was familiar to him. He'd seen it somewhere before. In a dream. A nightmare. But it couldn't be real. Could it? Was he really standing on some windswept piece of rock in the middle of... Where? There was only a blue-green sky around him. The ground seemed to go on forever. It was scarred and porous, like the landscape of a scenic wasteland.  
  
A chuckle came from behind him. He turned, and froze at the sight.  
  
"I knew we would meet again, Shinji." Kaoru sat on a rock, dressed in a shirt and jeans, smiling at him. It was the same look he wore the first time they'd met. The same smile that hinted he knew a secret no one else could. That he could really see you as a person. As who you were, deep inside.  
  
Shinji stared at him, and finally managed to croak out his name. "Kaoru? But you're... you're dead."  
  
He nodded. "That would appear to be the case."  
  
Shinji looked back across the landscape. "Then am I dead? Is this Heaven, or Hell?"  
  
Kaoru hopped off his rock, and stood beside him. "No, you're not dead, my friend. This is Eden, or at least what remains of it. It only exists as a memory, now. Humanity outgrew it long ago. In the waking world, it became the GeoFront, where NERV is based. Here, it is only a refuge."  
  
Shinji looked at the gray, sunless horizon. Light came from the very essence of the place. He closed his eyes, and he could still see it. "A refuge for what?"  
  
"For me. It was the only place I could go."  
  
"This is where you went after I killed you?" He opened his eyes again. "Then what am I doing here? I can't remember..."  
  
"Of course you can. Relax, and breathe. You always held your truths within you, Shinji. Search for them."  
  
He closed his eyes again, and blocked out the landscape. "I remember... Rei. And I remember Eva. That's it. I was trying to help Rei. I pulled the Angel off her, and then it... what did it do, Kaoru? It vanished." He looked at the boy ghost. "How did I get here? Did the Angel do this? Am I trapped inside it, again?"  
  
"Yes, and no. The Angel tried to escape you by changing where it existed. You got caught in its wake. You came here because you remember this place. All humans remember it."  
  
A blue flash of light and water appeared in his brain. "Eva?" He looked around. "I... I felt Eva. Is she here?"  
  
Kaoru shook his head. "No, she is not. You simply still retain your link to her in this place. Eva's true soul was severed from her physical form to facilitate Instrumentality. Eva as you now know her is truly what everyone thought them to be in the beginning: animal constructs, weapons."  
  
He nodded. "I know that, I think. I couldn't feel my mother within Eva, after the Impact."   
  
"That's because Eva is yours, now. All the Evas are bonded to their pilots. They were a reflection of humanity itself, of the beast within all of you. Instrumentality made them something else, now. All they need is your will to shape them."  
  
"How do you know all that?"  
  
"I'm Eden's caretaker, now. I have nothing better to do than watch you."  
He laughed, and looked around again. This place felt so familiar to him, even though this was the first time he could remember seeing it. Right? Wait, that's not right. Was this the first time he'd been here?  
  
"What am I really doing here, Kaoru?"  
  
He laughed. "Don't ask me. You came here on your own, remember? Look around. See what it is you came here to find."  
  
"I did come here to find something, didn't I? I wanted to find out why the Angels have come back. I wanted to know why they're after Rei."   
  
The landscape flashed around him. Memories appeared in his eyes, covering the place. Memories of something else, of an event that didn't take place in Time. Memories of something that happened with the intent of changing the world. A new genesis for mankind.  
  
Kaoru. I killed Kaoru. Kaoru was an Angel. Eva! I pilot Eva so others will be nice to me. But we are nice to you. I hate you! I hate myself! What is this place? You created it. A world without pain. Kaoru looked up at him, right before he died, and smiled. What's wrong with running from reality if it sucks? Misato? Where are you? There you go again, playing the martyr. You're pathetic! It's all in your own imagination. Maybe. It's true. Don't hate me. No one hates you. Now you've lost the ability to fly, but you can walk along the ground. You've given up some of your freedom for something you can feel. Your life can be whatever you want it to be. I understand now. None of them hate me. It's all in my mind. If I can love myself, then I will be okay. I can exist. I don't have to be afraid. Congratulations. Thank you, Father. Goodbye, Mother. Congratulations, everyone. Everyone.  
  
"I remember. This is where it ended, isn't it? This is where Instrumentality ended. When I realized that I didn't have to be afraid, everyone was here, waiting for me." He looked to Kaoru, again. "That's when I decided to go back. I realized my father's vision wasn't my own. He couldn't... he had no right to decide the future. People have to chose it for themselves."  
  
Kaoru smiled at him. "You're the reason I fell in love with Humanity, you know? You taught me how to be human."  
  
He nodded, remembering. "I realized then what you were trying to teach me, you know? It was the same thing Kaji tried to tell me. I don't have to be afraid of the pain. I can endure it. It's my choice... I'll accept it."  
  
"So is that what you were thinking when you tried to help Rei? You wanted to help her, and Asuka, and Touji. You wanted to be there for your friends. You wanted to do something to make up for things you still remember, that you're not proud of."  
  
He nodded, and looked at his hand. "I'm not a martyr, Kaoru. But I did want to help them, because they're my friends. I shouldn't need any other reason. I can't change what I've done in the past, but I can accept it, and move on."  
  
"Amazing."  
  
He looked up. Kaoru was looking into him. "You really do love her, don't you?"  
  
"I do. Why is that so amazing?"  
  
"I find everything about humans amazing. I wasn't born to it. I learned how to be human from you. The Angels hate me because of it, but I don't care. Even if I am condemned to be Eden's caretaker for all eternity, I would rather do it as a human."  
  
Shinji smiled, and then remembered something else that had to do with his being here. "Rei said she saw you in her dreams. What do you know about the Angels returning, Kaoru?"  
  
His friend sighed, and sat back down on his rock. "I was trying to warn her about them. They want her, because she is still like what I was. A human with the essence of an Angel. Lilith was the mother of demons, and responsible for Instrumentality, but Adam is still alive. Only Adam can dictate the purpose of an Angel, because they come from him."  
  
"That's what it was talking about?"  
  
He nodded. "Rei is still Rei. She possesses her own soul. Instrumentality separated her from Adam. She can hold him, but only for as long as the Angels are kept from her."  
  
"Then what are these Angels? I thought you were the last?"  
  
"I don't know. Not every soul born from Adam survived. They maybe the ones thought dead, brought back to life by Adam. I thought I was the last. But they've found another way. I can not see the future, but I fear that it may hold something that even the Angels do not fully comprehend."  
  
"I have to go back, Kaoru."  
  
"This is Eden, Shinji. From here, you may do what you want. Sometimes humans need reminding where they came from. I'm glad you got to see it."  
  
"Thank you." He looked around.   
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I think... there's still things I need to know. There are still questions I need to ask, before this is over. I know where I have to go."  
  
"Then this is goodbye, my friend. Take care of yourself."  
  
"Don't worry, Kaoru. I know now I've always been able to do that."  
  
***  
  
Rei woke up slowly, moaning as the light poked in through the windows and pierced her eyes. She looked around. Touji and Hikari were asleep on the floor. Pen Pen was sprawled among the cans and bottles on the table. Other than their snores, the apartment was soundless. Hikari had tried to clean up, but it didn't change anything.   
  
She wasn't sure how many days it had been like this. Three? Four? She knew she shouldn't have done this... it wasn't like her. But it had all happened so fast. She just needed some way to slow things down, to accept what had happened. And possibly try to stop feeling guilty for it. But it just felt worse. She couldn't do this. She had to get up. She had to do something.  
  
She had to pee.  
  
She avoided looking at herself in the bathroom mirror until she finished. She knew how horrible she looked. Giving in and looking was only a pointless verification. Her skin and hair was dry and dirty, her eyes were red around the rim, and black bands had started to form beneath them. She thought she looked like Misato with a hangover.  
  
Why did this have to happen? She hated not being able to understand it. Shinji was her friend. They were all her friends. Why did they have to be put through this? She tried to avoid thinking it, but the same damn thoughts of guilt and responsibility came, anyway. If she hadn't been in the fight, he wouldn't have had to save her from the Angel. If she didn't have this... thing inside of her, the Angel never would have come. It would have remained dead and buried beneath the earth where it belonged. If she had only burned up in the Impact, like she was supposed to.  
  
She heard a sound come through the wall. It was a crash, in Shinji's room. She went, ignoring the sign on the door that threatened death to all who entered. She turned on the light, and was greeted by a loud German curse. Asuka lay sprawled out on the floor. The plate of food Hikari had left for her was spilled out next to her. She looked up.  
  
"Damn it, Wonder Girl. Would you turn that light off?"  
  
She bent down next to her, and helped her sit up. "What happened?"  
  
"I got a cramp when I tried to stand up. Pathetic, huh?"  
  
She wiped some crust off the side of her eye. "You shouldn't be in here like this. You look terrible."  
  
"Stop being honest. You're one to point fingers. You look like you've been drinking for three days straight."  
  
She nodded. "We shouldn't have done that. It was just ignoring the truth. It was stupid of us to hide away like this."  
  
"I'm not hiding. I'm pissed off. That damn idiot went and... He told me he wouldn't..."  
  
"Would you have preferred we all died, instead?"  
  
She frowned up at her. "Damn it, don't you dare try using that. Of course I wouldn't. That doesn't mean he should have to die for it! Why does he have to be the one? I just want it to stop, Rei. We went through hell just so we could have this life. I just want us to keep it. I'm so tired of fighting just to have a life, and I hate him for being such an idiot and... and then I hate myself more for hating him, because I love him."   
  
She stared at the floor as she spoke, unable to cry anymore. Her eyes strained from it. She looked up at Rei, the same girl she'd hated years before because she reminded her so much of what she had then feared. She knew from the look in her eyes that she felt the same.  
  
"You don't believe he is dead, Asuka. It's not like you to give up so easily."  
  
"You're right, I don't. But that's what makes it so much worse. I don't know where he is. I just want him back, Rei." She found it in herself to laugh. "Wow. A couple of years ago, I never would have guessed I'd be talking to you like this."  
  
"Some things just change, Asuka. I still think you're strange."  
  
"Good. I still think you're weird."  
  
"Does that mean you'll come eat something?"  
  
She stayed silent for a long time, but Rei waited patiently. "Shinji's right, you're too much like a mother." She stood up. "I never knew you could cook?"  
  
She took Asuka by hand, and helped her out the door. "I can't. But I can make a salad."  
  
***  
  
His body hurt all over. He didn't remember leaving Eden, but he wasn't there, anymore. He simply thought it, and the next thing he knew, he was... He tilted his head. He laid flat on his back. To either side of him were sparse, windswept fields and distant mountains. The cold didn't reach his senses for some time. That was when he became aware of the figure standing over him, hidden in the light of the quickly setting sun. He covered his eyes, and slowly let them focus.  
  
"I always wondered if you would come for me, someday. I suppose now is as good a time as any, isn't it?"  
  
A tide of déjà vu and old memories surged through him, paralyzing his limbs. His lips formed the word of their own accord. "F-father?"  
  
He looked old, and tired, but it was him. He'd recognize Gendo Ikari no matter what had weathering had changed the man. They stared at each other, until finally he said, "Are you going to lie there all day?"   
  
He rolled over, and stood up. It wasn't a dream. He was standing here. It was as real as Kaoru and Eden had been. He was still wearing his plug suit. The cold started to bite into him, and he felt a pain in his back and legs. He looked around.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
Gendo answered him, "Hokkaido. What's left of it. Come on, I dislike standing out here in the cold." He turned, and led him up a hill to a small, sturdy house. Inside was little warmer than outside. It was only a single room aside from the bathroom, with a small heater and a refrigerator powered by an electric generator. A futon in the corner, a table, a stove, and a small bookshelf were the only other decoration.   
  
Gendo hung up his coat, and sat down at the small table on the floor. Shinji stood near the door, looking over everything. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I should be asking that question, it seems." He watched him. Shinji fidgeted, unsure of what to do. This was the first time he'd seen his father in the flesh in... almost five years. "You're wearing a plug suit. I wasn't aware NERV was still active."  
  
He slowly sat down, trying not to let his nervousness show. "Misato's Commander, now. She's trying to make up for the things you... I mean... That's not what I meant."  
  
"Is it?" He leaned forward, and steepled his fingers in his usual manner.   
  
He didn't seem as intimidating, without the uniform and glasses. Seeing him without them only made Shinji confused. Was this really the man who had tried to remake the world?  
  
He rubbed his eyes. "I... I was in a battle, with an Angel. They're back. Or at least the ones who were supposed to be dead are back. I mean..." He looked up. The only indication Gendo was paying any attention was his posture. His eyes were blank and encompassing. It was a look he'd seen somewhere else, right before the battle.  
  
"It doesn't make any sense, I guess. But here I am."  
  
His father nodded. "Here you are. Did you want to come here?"  
  
"I did."  
  
"Why? I didn't think there was anything left we had to say to each other." He stood, and walked over to the stove. "Are you hungry?"  
  
Shinji stared at him. What did he mean? Of course there were still things to be said! That was the whole reason he came here! He looked out the window. The sun was almost gone. The evening had come so quickly. He wondered how much time had passed between now and the battle. He couldn't remember the date it was supposed to be.   
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
Gendo started to make dinner. "Are you here to kill me?"  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
They ate quietly. Shinji didn't take off his plug suit. It felt comfortable, after a while, and he remembered the tracking beacon Yoshi had recently implanted in the plug suits. He just couldn't remember when the hell the damn things activated. He told them it should be sooner, he remembered that.  
  
Finally he looked directly at his father, and asked, "You didn't answer my question. Why did you come here?"  
  
Gendo Ikari looked at him, and sighed. "You're not going to leave until I tell you, I assume?" He could tell from the look in the young man's eyes that he was right. "I didn't have very many other places to go. The other people who knew about Instrumentality, Seele especially, were looking for me. Being the man who ended the world puts you at the top of very many lists. I had no other reason to be with the rest of the world. I failed."  
  
"Did you ever think it was a good thing you failed?"  
  
"What would you know about it?"  
  
He frowned. "I lived through it, remember? There are a lot of people who don't even know what it was you did, but I do."  
  
He leaned forward again. "Really? Tell me."  
  
He knew he was being patronized, but ignored it. "You failed because you tried to change something that didn't need to be changed, Father. Didn't you realize that? I did. I'm not saying what you did was wrong. I thanked you for it. It helped me realize who I am, what I can do. But you wanted to take it too far. What Instrumentality did was enough. It helped people realize that what was missing was never gone. It was just buried."  
  
Gendo shook his head. "You think that is the answer?"  
  
"I know it is."  
  
He walked over to the bookcase, and came back with a large, thick black book. He placed it down on the table between them. Shinji looked at the silver cross on the cover.  
  
"You really want to know the truth of everything I did, is that it? You want to know how all of this started." Shinji nodded. "It won't tell you how it's going to end, you know?"  
  
"I have to know, Father. It won't be over at all until I can know what it is I'm putting behind me."  
  
"Hmm. Just like your mother. You're right about one thing. I knew exactly what I was doing all along. There wasn't an action I made without already knowing what the consequences would be. Or I at the very least had an idea. Keel and the executive committee of Seele directed the Angels to an extent. They were souls split off from the creature we discovered in Antarctica. We found them after the Second Impact. We tracked them down and prepared the Evangelions for the day when they would be needed to destroy and replace the Angels, as was foretold in the Dead Sea Scrolls. That was why I allowed your mother to be absorbed into Eva. It was why I created Rei. I sent for you because I knew your connection to your mother would be the catalyst to awaken Eva Unit 01. I knew exactly what you were feeling inside. It was the same thing Katsuragi felt. That's why I picked her, as well. I put you in every situation against the Angels, and made you feel that pain, because it was necessary to awaken Eva. I had to lure your mother out to the surface just enough to awaken the soul of Lilith that was within Eva."  
  
Shinji sat there listening, and felt himself burning. "So everything that happened to Touji... and Rei... and Asuka... you wanted that to happen? You hurt them just to hurt me?"  
  
"I'd almost forgotten Sohryu. No, there was no guarantee you would work out, although I wanted it to be you. Asuka was just a back up. I didn't foresee her failure to endure it like you did. I also didn't foresee Rei growing such strong emotions for the two of us. But you're right about Suzuhara. I had to see if you would be able to endure killing the final Angel when the time came. Kaoru Nagisa was the last obstacle to Instrumentality. My only failure was not realizing that you could be the one to stop it. That was the one mistake. You awakening Eva was a part of completing Instrumentality. It's only natural that your connection with Rei would allow you to prevent it from coming to completion."  
  
He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and continued. "Of course I knew what I was doing when I seduced Dr. Akagi and her mother. I manipulated everyone, even Fuyutsuki, and even Seele. You were the most difficult to manipulate, you would probably be happy to know. You took the most work. You were so stubborn, so afraid to let go of your fear. You just wanted a father, after all. But I couldn't be a father to you, Shinji. I had to do what I did."  
  
Shinji squeezed his fists. "How can you say that? You never even gave it a chance."  
  
Gendo stared at him, and then slowly reached over and opened the Bible. In it was a hollow cavity, inside which sat a revolver. He lifted it out, and set it beside the book.   
  
"I started everything, you know? I was responsible for the Second Impact. That was probably my one true crime, aside from killing Ritsuko's mother. We hadn't discovered only Adam beneath the ice. Lilith was there, too. None of those other fools could realize what it was, and what it meant. I was the only one who truly knew what it was. I recognized it. I knew it could be the key to filling the gaps in my soul, the same gaps in everyone's soul. That's why I took Lilith. I pulled her away from Adam. It woke him up, but it was only the first step. After that, I had no choice but to follow through with my plan. Our plan. It was the only way to undo what I'd done. I've manipulated everyone in my life for one single goal. And you, my son, took it away from me."  
  
Shinji felt a rage inside of him. It mixed with his horror and hate for the actions of the man in front of him, driving him like a force beyond his self. He reached for the gun, and stood up. He pointed it at his father. Gendo only looked up at him. He pulled the hammer back.  
  
"You. It was all your fault? Everything?"  
  
He nodded. "Everything. The pain you went through, and the pain of your friends. Their pain and suffering and anger. Touji's accident, Rei's self-destruction, Asuka's break down. Even Misato's desire for vengeance. I created it all. I made them into exactly what I required them to be. Even you, and especially you, Son. You ruined everything I worked for. All their sacrifice, their pain, was in vain because you denied them the one thing that could make Humanity whole again."  
  
Shinji stared at him down the barrel of the gun, his father's words echoing in his head. It was true. He knew it. The one thing his father never did was lie to him. Through everything that had happened, his father never lied to him. He didn't have a reason to. He was telling the truth. All of Misato's, and Rei's, and Touji's pain was his fault. Everything Asuka went through was his fault. He started it. It all had a beginning. He'd manipulated them all. He molded them into what he needed.  
  
Shinji looked into Gendo Ikari's eyes, the man's words echoing in his ears.  
  
He released the hammer on the gun. "Damn you. You're doing it to me again, aren't you?" He lowered it, and stood there, trying to let the anger go. "You want me to kill you. You want an executioner. Why? Because you blame me for your failure?"  
  
Gendo frowned at him, refusing to answer.  
  
His mind replayed all of his father's words and actions. Then it clicked. "You were afraid, weren't you? You wanted to be with Mother again. You didn't want to be alone. That's why you created Rei. So you could have your Instrumentality and be with her."   
  
His father stared back, stone-faced. "It is your fault. I was with her. I remember. I was with her for that one perfect moment when I had it all. And then you took it away from me. You did something... you unraveled the key. You found the heart of it and released us. You had no right."  
  
Shinji shook his head. "This is what you've become, then? A sad, broken old man?" He turned, and stopped at the door. "I won't martyr you, Father. I had to find my own way. Now you must find yours." He opened the door, and walked outside.  
  
The wind bit at him, but he ignored it. He didn't know it could ever be this cold outside. He'd never experienced seasons, or chill winds, or even snow. He remembered reports saying that the ice caps might actually be reforming. That there was proof in some parts that the seasons were returning.   
  
He walked out towards the dark, but only as far as the light would let him, and stared out. The stars and night sky were a pale blue, filled with the light of the moon. It reflected a ghostly light off the mountains around him, painting the landscape in whites and deeps shadows. He emptied the bullets of the revolver into his palm, and hurled them into the night.   
  
He watched the night for some time. After a while, he heard a beeping sound come from his wrist. He looked down, and saw the small blue light blinking in time with the sound. He smiled at it.  
  
"About damn time."   
  
He slowly made his way back to the cabin. When he walked in, his father was reading a book. He didn't look up as his son sat back down, and placed the empty revolver back in its book.  
  
"It was her idea," he said. "Yui originally came up with the theory of Instrumentality. She wanted you to live in a world where you didn't have to feel pain and suffering. She wanted you to be free."  
  
Shinji shook his head. "I've said goodbye to her, Father. That's not freedom. I've taken something better from what you did. We all have. I'm in control of my life, now. I'll put everything you did behind me. I don't need it anymore."  
  
***  
  
Yoshi had been wandering the halls of Central Dogma for hours that morning. He was starting to think he really did live here. He thought about everything and nothing. He remembered when he first came here. He remembered first meeting the Eva pilots, meeting Misato, growing to know all them as people. It felt a lot longer than it really had been. Being here had impacted such a major part of his life. He felt afraid that something could threaten to tear that apart. He wondered if that was why he really feared the Angels.   
  
He hadn't even touched the disk Dr. Akagi had given him. He helped Kensuke out with decoding the data from the spy's computer when he could, but his thoughts had become too distracting to ignore. He had to sort through them before he could be of any use. But he knew he couldn't just brood over them. Instrumentality had helped him much in the same way it had appeared to help Shinji. He had to choose how he was going to deal with this.   
  
He decided to end this, and realized that he had to get back to work and help the pilots of Eva Team 01. That was the only thing he could do to help. It was unfair, but there it was. They depended on him to do that for them.  
  
Then he looked up, and realized he was standing in the command center. Misato stood in front of a control panel, staring up at the screen. It was a map of the world, still and lifeless. The meters and readings beside it were equally dead.  
  
He walked up beside her, and looked at the screen.  
  
She sighed, and said, "I know it's stupid, but I'm not going to apologize for it."  
  
He shook his head. "It's your job to worry about your pilots. No one would fault you."  
  
"Maybe. But it feels like I could be doing something besides just standing here." She turned to him. "I guess we all have some explaining to do, though."  
  
"I don't think he'd see it that way. I may not know Shinji as well as you, Misato, but I think I know him well enough to say he'd understand. He learned from you, after all."  
  
"Would you stop saying things like that?"  
  
"I can't help it. I'm stupidly honest." They laughed a little, to help kill the silence more than anything. "You love him, don't you?"  
  
She looked back at the screen. "There's a lot I owe Shinji for. But I guess no guardian is perfect, right?"  
  
"Mine certainly weren't. You only did the best you could, Misato. No one expected more from you than that."  
  
"I know that. I just wish... I could have been more like the mother he deserved. Or maybe his sister. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how things might have been different, but in the end I'm glad things ended up like this. For all the misery we went through, I wouldn't want to live in any world but this one, where we get to choose for ourselves."  
  
Yoshi smiled at her. "You have any idea how beautiful you are when you talk like that?"  
  
They both blinked, and stared at each other.  
  
He stammered, "I-I-mean, no! I wasn't trying, but... What I wanted to say was..." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. She was still staring at him. "I'm sorry, Misato. I should probably try getting some work done." He turned, but stopped when he felt her tug at his sleeve.  
  
"Yoshi, wait." She took a breath herself. "I'm the one who should be sorry. You're the first person in a long time I've felt as close as this without having to be anything more, Yoshi. That's why I buried myself in work for so long. I was trying to be like my father, I guess."  
  
He gently pulled her hand off his collar, but held on to it. "Come on, Misato. You know I believe in you."  
  
"I know that, but I... I'm not saying that I don't have any interest in you."  
  
"I wouldn't, I guess, if you were anyone else. But it's hard to ignore you sometimes, you know?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"If we survive this, you think...?"  
  
"Maybe we-"  
  
They jumped as the screen changed, and the beacon in Shinji's plug suit activated. They looked around, making sure no one had seen what had just happened, and then looked at the screen. Misato shouted in joy.  
  
"He's alive!"  
  
"How the hell did he get to Hokkaido?"  
  
***  
  
The apartment was quiet, but clean, for once. Hikari had worked hard when she woke up earlier, and Rei and Asuka helped her out. It felt good to see them awake and sober, not wallowing in their pain and booze. Touji went back to sleep with a hangover, after he made a mess of the bathroom. As punishment, she didn't stop Asuka from yelling at him. Pen Pen refused to move from his spot on the couch. She let it go. It was bad enough when Touji yelled at the penguin; if she started, she was afraid she'd have to commit herself.  
  
When she woke up, the clock said it was two in the morning. That couldn't be right. She felt too awake for it to be 2:00 AM. Touji snored beside her. There was no point in waking him up. It wouldn't work. He slept just as hard as Asuka did when she had a hangover. He just wasn't as loud.  
  
She crawled out of his room, and went to the kitchen. Maybe she could get started on breakfast. Yeah, just her and Pen Pen. She checked on the penguin. She realized that he probably had slept through Angel attacks. Okay, so it would just be her.  
  
Before she could reach the fridge, the phone rang. She rushed to it.  
  
"Yes? No, it's Hikari. What?"  
  
She dropped the phone, and ran to Shinji's room.  
  
"Asuka!"  
  
She threw open the door. Asuka woke up, and Rei jump up from her futon.  
  
"He's alive!"  
  
***  
  
Shinji stood out in the middle of the plain. His beacon was still working, but he wasn't sure how long it would take them to get here. The sun was rising, spreading the shadows of the mountains wide across the foothills. He could only wait for them to get here, hoping that the beacon would be picked up.  
  
He turned his head when he first heard the sound of the helicopter in the distance. He smiled. Then he heard his father approach behind him.  
  
"You're leaving, then?"  
  
He nodded. "I'm going to end this. I promise you that, Father."  
  
"Then this is the last we will see of each other. Goodbye, Shinji."  
  
"Goodbye, Father. For the last time."  
  
Gendo Ikari nodded, and walked back a few yards toward his house.  
  
As the helicopter came closer, Shinji could make out the NERV insignia on the side. It was one of the few things about NERV Misato had left unchanged. She'd said that they still needed something to remind them of their past, no matter how painful it may be. They could put the pain behind them, but the lessons would always be with them. He hadn't quite understood what she'd meant by that until now.  
  
The helicopter came around, and landed in front of him. Asuka jumped out before it had touched down, and ran at him at full speed. He realized too late that she had her arm pulled back. She slugged him in the chest, knocking him back.  
  
"You idiot!"  
  
He laughed, clutching his chest. "Ow! Damn it, Asuka. I thought you'd be happy to see me for once?"  
  
She wrapped her arms around him. "I am, you idiot. Why do you think I hit you? If ever do something like that again, I swear I'm going to make you really regret it. You understand me? I meant it, Shinji. I love you too much to let you run off and get yourself killed."  
  
He hugged her back. "I love you too. Thanks for coming to get me."  
  
She took deep breaths, trying not to cry. She laughed, letting a few of the tears leak out. She looked over his shoulder, and saw the man standing further up the hill, watching them like a shadow from the past. "Shinji? Is that...?"  
  
He didn't look back. "No, Asuka. It's only a ghost." She looked up at him, and nodded. "Come on, let's get home. I'm hungry."  
  
They climbed on to the helicopter, and looked out the window on their trip back, watching the sunrise over the mountains and sea.  
  
End Part 7  
  
Author's Notes: Yes, I am aware that Gendo Ikari never smoked in the series. It's called artistic license. Deal with it. We never saw any proof that he didn't smoke, right? About the whole Rei/Adam/Lilith thing: I'm basing it off what I put together from the television series, and a little bit of what I know about the movies. I've never seen them, myself, but I know a little bit about what happened in them (the most I've used from them is back in part 6 when Misato is trying to remember what happened right before Third Impact). Sorry I didn't put Kitari in this one (I love writing the bastards ;)), but I promise he'll be here next time! If anyone has a problem with the Misato/Yoshi thing, deal with it. And I finally got to write the scene between Shinji and Gendo that has been the entire reason I wrote this in the first place! Bana!! And don't deny it, I'm sure plenty of you out there were rooting for him to pull the trigger. Anyway, these notes are adding a good 5k to this thing. Until next time, the usual complaint department is at loneshark707@hotmail.com. Let me know what you think! Slackers! 


	8. Return of the Seasons

Neon Genesis Evangelion  
Seraphim  
  
Chapter 8: Return of Seasons  
  
He stared out the window, smoking a cigarette. So, they'd found the boy. He honestly didn't expect it to happen.   
  
It was rather thrilling to see the Angel display an ability so far unknown to its kind. It was just a shame that it would be the last. Everything must end.   
  
That was the lesson he learned, after all. Whatever the boy thought was irrelevant. Everything ends. This is the one unshakable truth that Instrumentality had taught him. In its death, he would go on. He would complete what his mentor started. He would bring about the end of the world. Because that was how it had to be.  
  
***  
  
Shinji tried to pull himself away from his welcome home party for only a few moments. He slipped back into his bedroom, and laid out, enjoying the comfort of the bed beneath him. The laughter of his loved friends floated down the hall, ghostly and inviting. He would go back in a moment. He just needed to remember how a bed felt. It was a sharp and welcome contrast to the hard rock of a windswept mountain.  
  
He remembered how Rei had reacted. She could hear her laugh down the hall, probably at one of Misato's bad jokes. He just didn't get it. He'd told her about it right after he got back. He told her he knew why they were back. And she just nodded, and let Asuka and Touji drag him away. She said she already knew. So why was he the only one thinking about it?  
  
His thoughts kept him from hearing the door open and close, but not from feeling Asuka's body lie down on top of him. His eyes shot open as she kissed him. All thoughts of the Angels quickly melted from his brain.  
  
She propped her elbows up on his chest, and smiled. "Welcome home. Now what the hell did you think you were going to do in here without me?"  
  
He laughed. "All right, all right. I just needed to lie down for a moment, that's all." He started to lift his head. "Come on, let's-"  
  
She pushed him back down. "Oh no, you don't! I'll be damned if you're ever leaving this room again!" She sat up, and pulled her top off over her head.  
  
He tried to sit up again. "Asuka, everyone's out there!"  
  
"Tough! You're mine, damn it!" She kissed him deeply, and then pulled his shirt off. Everything below Shinji's waist was in utter compliance. Asuka smiled as she felt it beneath her. With a growl, she pushed him back down, and started nibbling down his chest and belly.  
  
He tried to hold back his laughter. "That tickles! Asuka, come on! I-um-really, I meant it… Ah!"  
  
She moved down his body, and made small growls as she tried to undo his pants with her teeth.  
  
Shinji finally wrested full control of his actions. "Asuka!"  
  
She looked up at him with part of his fly still in her jaws. She blinked her large eyes.  
  
He smiled. "It's all right, Asuka. I'm here, now. I'm really here. I'm sorry I made you worry."  
  
That bastard. He apologized!  
  
She stopped, and scooted back up his body. She pressed a hand to his cheek, and sighed. He was right. He really was back. She couldn't help it anymore. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and cried with elation.  
  
***  
  
Rei sat down at the table, and leaned back. She was glad Shinji was back. Asuka and Misato were probably the only people alive who could ever feel it more than she did. But at the moment she was a bit more ready to just be happy that all the cleaning was done. It gave her something to focus on, and quiet the noise in her brain. Just a little more time. That's all she needed. Just a little more time to decide what she would do.  
  
She lifted her head when Asuka walked out of the hallway, drying her hair with a towel.  
  
"Feeling better?"  
  
It was written plainly on Asuka's face. She winked at Rei. Coming from anyone else, the question might have a lewd, sarcastic connotation. But she knew that it was just how Rei was. The girl just didn't see the point in anything but honesty.  
  
"Definitely." She tossed the towel on a chair, and sat after it. "That was a fun party, wasn't it? Sorry to leave you to clean everything up."  
  
"It's all right. Dr. Iwano and Misato helped."  
  
Asuka looked at her with one eyebrow lifted. "Misato? Are you still drunk?"  
  
She smiled. "No. I'm just relieved to see everyone together without anyone getting hurt, for once."  
  
"Even if we did have to manage it by nailing Touji down." She laughed, and looked towards Shinji's room. "Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have worn him out so quickly."  
  
"Maybe you should rest, too?"  
  
She glanced around the apartment. It was a little hard to take in. She'd never taken anything for granted, since their adolescence, but sometimes it felt like a dream when everything was… livable. When it was the kind of life she was sure she would stay in, and follow through with. Not settling for, but choosing. It was times like this that could make her forget some of the things that she didn't quite choose to live with, but did not choose to ignore. She would deal with them. They all would, when the time was right.  
  
But for now, making the simple choices was more important.  
  
"There's no way I could be tired. Besides, Misato will make him go to HQ in a few hours to write his reports. We should find something to do in the meantime." She stood up, and grabbed Rei's wrist. "Come on!"  
  
Rei let herself be led, blinking her eyes. "Um… what are we doing?"  
  
"Shopping!"  
  
***  
  
Shinji woke up in his bed, his joints still stiff from his journey through… He laid back and thought about it. It had been real. He knew it was. It was the only way to explain how he'd gotten to Hokkaido. It explained how he saw his father for just one last time, and learned the truth. Gendo was almost right; knowing wouldn't change what had happened. But at least it gave him an idea of where to go, and how to fight.  
  
He roused himself out of bed, and took a shower. After he dressed, he found a message on his phone. Misato wanted him in the office. He wasn't completely surprised. Asuka and Rei had left a note, letting him know that they were out for the afternoon. He knew it would be like this; as soon as they were done celebrating his return, it was back to getting on with things.   
  
He laughed, and headed for the GeoFront. At least they'd taken the time to really welcome him back, this time. He probably shouldn't complain.  
  
Once there, Misato greeted him with several piles of paperwork and report forms. He stopped laughing, and stared at his desk.  
  
"All of it?"  
  
"Oh, suck it in. Remember, you're getting a lieutenant's pay now. That means more responsibilities, because you can handle it."  
  
"Somehow I'm not seeing the up side of this."  
  
She pushed him toward the desk. "Stop complaining. Your little hop through space has left even more paperwork on my desk."  
  
"All right, all right." He sat down with a sigh. "Um… just gotta find my computer, now…" He looked around the stacks.  
  
Misato laughed. "Good luck." She turned to leave, but stopped, and turned her head back. "I'm glad you're back, Shinji. You know that, don't you?"  
  
He looked up at her and smiled. "I know, Misato. Hey, take your own advice and relax. You guys are the reason I came back. Every time."  
  
She smiled. "That reminds me, could you check in on Yoshi and Kensuke before you start to work on that?"  
  
"Um, yeah, what for?"  
  
"To see how they're coming along. What else? And make sure they take a break at some point. At least for something to eat."  
  
He laughed as she left. "Sure thing." He waited a moment, pushing the piles of papers aside to make some room on his desk, and then got up.   
  
The only light he found in Yoshi's office was that of the monitors. As he walked in, his foot slammed against a pile of discarded junk food containers. Yoshi and Kensuke sat at opposite corners of the room, staring at their respective monitor banks.  
  
"Hey, Shinji," from Yoshi was the only indication that they'd heard him.  
  
He stepped over the pile. "Damn, how can you guys stand this place?"  
  
"Kinda funny," Kensuke said, "Coming from the guy who hasn't cleaned his room since the Third Impact."  
  
"Yeah, whatever." He looked around, feeling out of place, and then stood behind Kensuke.  
  
"So what brings you in here, Lieutenant?" Yoshi asked.  
  
"Misato asked me to make sure you guys didn't lose track of time and forget to bathe. When's the last time you guys left this room?"  
  
"Since your welcome home party," Kensuke said.  
  
Shinji couldn't make out a thing on the monitor Kensuke stared at, but he recognized the palm computer sitting next to it. He walked over and picked it up. "Hm. You haven't taken a look at this thing, have you?"  
  
Kensuke nodded. "That's why I'm still messing with this damn thing. The spy we caught has the thing booby-trapped. If I enter the wrong password when trying to use the damn thing: good-bye data. And good-bye all of our evidence, along with anything else that might be useful out of it."  
  
Shinji set it down delicately. "So what are you doing with the Magi?"  
  
"Retracing the data steps that the spy went through. He used a lot of backdoors that the operators weren't even aware of. It basically means he knew exactly what he was looking for, and knew how to get it."  
  
"That's… creepy." Kensuke nodded in agreement. "Misato and Yoshi ever get those security checks finished."  
  
"Yeah," Yoshi said. "All clear, too. So as usual we're right back where we started."  
  
Shinji looked over at him. "Hey… what are you looking at? It's not the same thing Kensuke's working on, is it?"  
  
As he walked over to the desk, Yoshi sat back. "No," he said.  
  
Shinji leaned forward and peered at it. "Then… what is it? It's kinda familiar…"  
  
"All of Professor Ritsuko Akagi's personal data on the Evangelion series."  
  
Both Shinji and Kensuke froze, and stared at him.  
  
"She told Misato and I that it is everything she could steal before she was taken away. It appears that either she or Gendo Ikari wiped most of this data out of the Magi's memory. Don't ask me where they found the time or the access. But it does appear to be hard data on the beginnings of the Eva series. A lot of this is based on Yui Ikari's work. It defiantly will give me something to work with to upgrade the Evas. It could be used to make an entirely new version of the Evas. You know, the non-combat uses Misato's always talking about."  
  
Shinji stared at it. "It doesn't talk about how the Evas were given souls, does it?"  
  
Yoshi glanced back at him, and then at the monitor. "I'm not sure. I've only read this small file twice over."  
  
Shinji stood up straight, and shook his head. "I guess it wouldn't matter, anyway. Whatever souls the Evas had before the Impact… They're not there, anymore. At least not in the same way."  
  
Kensuke and Yoshi stared at him.  
  
"Shinji, are you sure about that?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Who told you?"  
  
"I… I think it's something we've all known since the Impact, Yoshi. It's just that none of us ever really bothered to talk about it because we all felt it. We're still bonded with them, and they may still be living organisms, but they're definitely not the monsters that we originally piloted."  
  
Yoshi sighed, and looked at the monitor. "Kinda wish you'd told me sooner. Oh well. I'm sure I'll still get something useful out of this."  
  
Shinji smiled. "You'd look anyway. I know it." He turned towards the door, when a file laying on Yoshi's desk caught his eye. He reached over and picked it up. "What's this?"  
  
Yoshi looked up. "That? Oh, it's the specs report for that Progressive Saber I was telling you about a couple of weeks ago. It's just the usual equipment report, you know. Just something I need you to sign before it gets sent along to Misato for clearance."  
  
Shinji flipped through it. "You know I can't understand half of this stuff."  
  
"It's your own fault for not taking that optional tutoring in physics back in high school," Kensuke said.  
  
"Whose side are you on, anyway?"  
  
"I find it rather hard to picture any of you studying," Yoshi said. "Anyway, I've been meaning to give it to you. You can take it along, if you want."  
  
Shinji stared at a schematic wedged in the folder. "Have you got that prototype built, yet?"  
  
"Yeah, but we haven't tested it, yet."  
  
"Can you get working on it, then? As soon as possible, too."  
  
"Why the sudden interest?"  
  
Shinji closed the folder, and shrugged. "Just a feeling. That Angel is still out there, and we have no idea when it will be back. I'd kind of like to have any sort of advantage we can get."  
  
Yoshi nodded. "Sure thing, Lieutenant. I'll be happy to had you some more paper work on top of the pile that backed up while you were gone."  
  
"Why did you have to call me that?"  
  
"Misato asked me to. She knows you hate titles." He turned back to his monitor. "And she is a little miffed at all the paperwork. Can't say I blame her, but you know she's never been able to just stop complaining and fill the damn things out."  
  
"All right, I'd better go catch up before she starts yelling at me. Catch you guys later?"  
  
"If we haven't passed out from exhaustion, first," Kensuke said with a laugh.  
  
"Now that's a bit morbid coming from you." Shinji turned to walk out, and nearly ran into Kitari. He's appeared from nowhere, as if a ghost. Shinji jumped back with a yelp, but Kitari stood there motionless and smiling like a serpent.  
  
"Nice to see you're back, Lieutenant."  
  
Kensuke swiveled around back to his monitor, but kept Kitari's image in the corner of his eye.  
  
Shinji nodded. "Uh, yeah, nice to be back. Anything I can help you with, Mr. Kitari?"  
  
"Actually I wouldn't mind having a few moments of your time. Certainly a small, courteous conversation won't take you too far out of your way?"  
  
Shinji shook his head. "No."  
  
Kitari smiled. "Excellent. Join me, then." He led Shinji out of Yoshi's office and up to the cafeteria. The place was barely populated, right after lunch, with only a couple of stragglers looking to get in a light snack or a cup of emergency coffee. Instead of sitting down, Kitari walked led him over to the large window that looked out over the GeoFront. He stared out at its expanse for a moment, the landscape that faded into an orange haze of earth.  
  
"You certainly have been through an ordeal, Lieutenant. Personally, I'm amazed you came back. A bit like being resurrected, isn't it?"  
  
"I'm no one's Messiah, Mr. Kitari."  
  
He laughed. "Indeed, you're not. But the event does indicate something, don't you think?"  
  
Shinji looked at him. "Meaning?"  
  
"The intensity of the attacks, along with their frequency, is increasing. And this is the first time an Angel has retreated, is it not?"  
  
He nodded. "They're not like the Angels that came before." He watched Kitari stare out the window. His eyes, his movement, his whole demeanor portrayed a man at ease with his surroundings. Total comfort. But there was anticipation just underneath it. Like a snake or a cat waiting for the moment to move, and strike.  
  
"They're not. Indeed. One would think there's a sort of savage desperation to them. Wouldn't you agree?"  
  
Shinji kept his eyes on him, feeling his muscles twinge, waiting for the snake to strike. "They are desperate. They're trying to finish what they started. The Angels won't rest; we have to be the ones to stop them."  
  
"You sound as if you wish it were different?"  
  
"Maybe I did, once. But I have things worth fighting for, now."  
  
Kitari sighed. His eyes froze over the window, black and encompassing. "Things seem to be coming to a head, then."  
  
Shinji stared at him, feeling a warning of recognition in his brain. If he could just place it. "Yes." He blinked, and realized where the feeling had come from. "Yes, they are."  
  
"And you remained determined to stop it? You can be so certain that in the whole of things human beings really mean that much."  
  
"I know it. And we'll do everything we can to stop it."  
  
Kitari closed his eyes, and smiled. "Indeed. It would seem you've already proven that."  
  
Shinji nodded. "Instrumentality is over, Mr. Kitari. If you'll excuse me, I have to write my reports now." He turned and walked back to his office, leaving Kitari standing there, gazing out of the window. Whatever had just happened, Shinji went away with a feeling that Kitari was right about one thing: things were coming to a head. He could feel it in his bones that something would happen, and soon. A fate hung in the balance yet again. The line had been drawn in the sand.  
  
But he was not the same boy he had been, then. And he was not afraid to make whatever choices would be asked of him. He was not afraid of that pain, because he knew he could survive it. He had to survive it, for the sake of his friends. And they could do it, as well.  
  
***  
  
Rei did almost no shopping beyond what was necessary. Food, water, and enough clothing to last until she did her laundry. It was in moments like these, when her friends pulled her along, that she ever bothered with an extra pair of shoes or a new blouse. Even then, Asuka did everything short of pointing a gun to her head to get her to make a purchase.  
  
There was a small part of her that enjoyed giving Asuka a hard time. The girl hated to feel like she was shopping alone.  
  
"What do you think?" Asuka stepped out of the changing room in a slim, yellow sundress. She twirled.  
  
Rei sat in a chair next to a small mountain of shopping bags. All but one were Asuka's. She ran a critical eye over the dress.  
  
"You're just trying to show off your bust."  
  
Asuka put her hands on her hips. "You're supposed to tell me it looks nice, not be honest!"  
  
"I know."  
  
Rather than admit defeat, Asuka make a strategic withdrawal back into the dressing room. "Of all my friends," she called over the top, "You are defiantly the most evil and vindictive."  
  
"I'm just being honest."  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"You're strange."  
  
"Yeah, yeah! I know that already."  
  
While Asuka changed, Rei tried to put her thoughts in order. They wouldn't obey her. Whenever she didn't focus, they kept replaying that image of the Angel strangling Unit 2. It hurled it at Unit 3. Unit 1 was swallowed up by light. It hurt Asuka, Touji, and Shinji.  
  
"Yoo-hoo! Hey, come on!" Asuka tugged on Rei's arm, dressed in her own clothes and anxious to go. She stood and followed the red haired girl out of the store and into the afternoon heat. The waterfront strip of shops and boutiques was busy with people who went about their lives as though the recent Angel attacks had never happened. The pain and destruction caused were merely scars to be healed and smoothed over. It was something to forget.  
  
And as much as she tried, Rei could not forget. She could still see the scar and the pain underneath.  
  
"All right, what is it?" Asuka pretended to pay attention to the shop windows.  
  
"What do you mean?" Rei pretended to watch the water.  
  
"You know damn well what I mean, so don't dodge my questions. What's up?"  
  
Rei sighed, and a part of her couldn't help but smile. Asuka had always been weird, and a pain in the ass. At least now she was a well-meaning pain in the ass.  
  
"You're thinking about them, aren't you? I'm not gonna give up, so you might as well confess."  
  
Rei turned, and led Asuka to a bench near the water, where they sat down.   
  
"I'm not thinking about the past," Rei said. "What happened is gone. It doesn't even seem real anymore, the more time passes. It's like we were all in a dream at that time, and that age."  
  
"More like a nightmare," Asuka muttered.  
  
She shrugged. "Maybe. But we were just children, then. We didn't really know ourselves, and we were so afraid of it. Now we're not afraid."  
  
Asuka sighed. "I thought you said you weren't thinking about it?"  
  
"Sorry. I wasn't. It just… seemed to come out of me." She turned to Asuka. "You love Shinji, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah." Asuka paused when she realized she didn't even have to think about the answer. "Um, yeah. I do. Even if he is dense, and silly, and sometimes still acts like a boy." She smiled. "And I love him." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Why the hell did you ask that?"  
  
Rei smiled. "No reason." She looked out at the bay. "Things seem to be coming to a head, don't they? The new Angels, the sabotage, Shinji disappearing and reappearing. It feels like everything is moving forward, faster and faster, towards one single event. And we'll have to decide again in what direction our lives will go."  
  
There was a moment of silence, and Asuka finally said. "Oh, shut up." Rei looked at her. "You're just worrying too much. And before you know it you'll have me worrying. So relax already, will you?"  
  
She smiled, and nodded. "Of course. Sorry."  
  
"That's more liked it." Asuka looked off down the sidewalk. "Damn, I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna go grab some ice cream. Want one?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Great, I'll be right back. Watch the stuff." She started to stand up.  
  
"Asuka?" Rei's voice stopped her. "You'll take care of Shinji, if something happens, won't you?"  
  
Asuka looked at her for a moment, and fought off the sudden feeling that she shouldn't turn her back. "Of course. You know he can't take care of himself."  
  
Rei smiled. "Thank you."  
  
"Stop being so serious. Geez, you're just as bad as Shinji." She laughed, and ran over to the ice cream vendor. She didn't turn around, even as a cold chill ran up her spine. She tried to ignore it. She was worrying with her heart, again. But there was something else, this time. Something deeper inside, that knew she shouldn't turn around. What would she change if she did? She couldn't stop Rei from whatever it was she was about to do. She could only be there when it mattered.  
  
When Asuka returned with the ice cream, Rei was gone, having left her single shopping bag. Asuka stared at the empty space for a moment, then looked around the sidewalk, still hoping to catch some glimpse of Rei before she disappeared. But she already knew the girl was gone.  
  
"You idiot," she said to herself. She couldn't have stopped her. She could only wait, and be there when it mattered.  
  
She shouted, "You idiot!"  
  
And, with the worry in her heart, she hated it.  
  
***  
  
The saboteur and would be spy laid out in a hospital bed in the medical ward of NERV headquarters. His arm was wrapped in a sling, his shoulder bandaged. An IV drip was hooked up to his other arm, feeding him nutrients that had been lost with the blood from the gunshot wound. It was also helping because he refused to eat. After the first few days of incomprehensible babble, he finally refused to talk. He didn't even sleep. He just laid out, stared up at the ceiling, and waited. The doctors were divided on whether it was some form of a self-induced torpor, or he was just faking it. He certainly seemed conscious of things happening around him, but he was locked in a state of anticipation.  
  
Anticipating the end.  
  
The on duty nurse would later report that she didn't see anyone enter or leave the patient's room. Nor did the security guards, who were found unconscious, see exactly who had assaulted them. They remembered only a tall male, and that he was smiling. The security cameras would be the only witnesses to exactly what happened.  
  
He walked into the room calmly after gassing both the duty nurse and the guards. Soon enough the alarms would sound, but by then he would be in the command center. By then this entire drama would be coming to its final close, after so long.  
  
He lit a cigarette and sat down next to the spy. "Today is the last day, you know. I'm glad to see you decided to wait. I knew you wouldn't have the courage to put aside your pride and kill yourself. You wanted to see this day as much as I did."  
  
Finally, he spoke. "I just didn't see the point in turning on you. You would have killed me anyway. You kill everyone who gets in your way. You even killed your own father."  
  
"You got me what I needed. Feel some pride in the fact that you helped to bring about the end to this… macabre spectacle, this world of walking ghosts. This false world."  
  
"Just kill me, already. At least then I won't have to listen to your crap."  
  
"I suppose I owe you that at the least." He pulled a syringe from his pocket. "You wouldn't believe how lax these people are at guarding their drugs. It will be a pleasant sleep." He leaned over and stuck the needle in the spy's neck. When it was finished, he stood back up.  
  
"By the way, I did turn on you. I left a trail. They'll find out." He smiled as he drifted off into oblivion.  
  
He frowned, and ground the cigarette under his heel. So what? It didn't matter, now. This would be the end of it.  
  
This would be the end of everything.  
  
He turned and left, heading for Central Dogma.  
  
***  
  
After she left Asuka, traveling became much easier. She found her way out of the city quite easily, hopping from train to bus, and in only a short time she found herself walking along the country road. Reality was twisting around her as she walked. Space folded, and then she was in the hills, then across a valley, then up the mountains. She was moving faster, now, though her body didn't feel it, she could perceive it. The Angel was guiding her, drawing her to it.  
  
She could feel it's cries, calling to her, like a child to its mother. They rang in her bones, and deeper still, into her soul, then past it as she began to draw near, going to that silent place in her where the first one slept. That last piece that remained of he who was both the mother and the father of the angels.  
  
You were used.  
  
It spoke to her.  
  
You were used to distort the purpose of our brothers and sister. You were used against us in order to destroy us, one by one, so that a man could use you to commit Lillith's sin.  
  
"And what is that?"  
  
To be as one with God.  
  
"God doesn't exist."  
  
Blasphemy. He created you. He gave you purpose.  
  
"Instrumentality showed us that there is no God. There is only us. God is us. We decide how our world will be. Humans have the power to choose their own path. I am not your creator."  
  
You carry the Purpose within you. I need purpose.  
  
"You just want to use me for your own ends. You're selfish, and cowardly. You're just as bad as he was. I don't need you to exist. And I don't want you to destroy everything we've fought for. I won't let you do that."  
  
Then she was standing in front of it. It laid out in the bottom of a rocky gorge, bent into an impossible angle, its head sitting down on the ground between its feet. It's eyes stared dully at her, glassy and void of anything recognizable as sentience. And yet as she looked at it, she could feel it. She stood fast, even though she could feel the terribly indifferent malice it held in its body; malice for all things of this world of flesh, for the humans, even for its own pathetic fate.  
  
"I am not here to release you from your pain," she said. "I'm here to stop you from bringing pain to the ones I care about."  
  
"Ever the martyr." Her own voice came from behind her.  
  
She spun around to see a reflection staring back at her. She… it wore a twisted mockery of glee. This was the same reflection that she'd seen in her visions, the one sitting on the table deep within Central Dogma.  
  
She frowned. "You can't fool me with this. That's not me."  
  
"Of course not. You're far too much of a 'throw yourself on the sword' sap for me to ever be you. Even when you were just a pawn, a tool for one man's desires, you were a sap. Of course now it's for a different reason, isn't it? No self loathing this time, is there?" As the reflection approached her, it's tone dripped with sarcasm. "Of course it can't be out of fear. Fear of losing yourself, wedded with a desire to end your miserable mockery of a life." It leered at her.  
  
Rei stood firm, refusing to budge even an inch at it's prodding. "I've survived death and rebirth. There is nothing you can say to me that I haven't already faced, and won. You have no control over me. You never did. You are not a part of me, Adam."  
  
It frowned, and grabbed her chin in it's hand. "I have always been a part of you. I am the thing that created you. I am the mother and the father, the beginning and the end. And I will have my Armageddon. For what Gendo Ikari did to me. For what the humans did to me. For taking me away from my Lillith and using her against my own children. For trying to be God. For trying to take my Purpose."  
  
Suddenly the reflection was gone. A white light lanced from the forehead of the Angel, and shot down at Rei. It lanced through her body, emerging out the other side. She felt it plunge through her flesh, and bone and organs, but no pain, only a strange sensation of prickling, like laying in the sun on a calm afternoon. She looked down. There was no blood. The light backed up into her, just far enough until it had a hold on her organs, and pulled her up onto the Angel.  
  
Adam and the Angel spoke in unison. "I will be whole again. And this world will fall."  
  
The last thing Rei thought before her vision went black was that this must be what stars feel when they die.  
  
***  
  
Yoshi leaned back and rubbed his eyes to try and relieve the fatigue. He looked over at Kensuke, who seemed completely engrossed in his own work. He was honestly impressed with the kid's dedication to all of this, even after working with his friends for several years. They were all exceptional beyond words, of course, but Kensuke bordered on fanaticism. Such a dedication could only come from a true fanboy.  
  
He turned, hearing a knock at his office door, to see Shinji and Touji standing there.  
  
"Man, you guys ever going to take a break?" Touji walked in without waiting to be invited.  
  
"We can take a break when we finish," Yoshi said. "I thought you two were working on that load of paperwork Misato handed over to you?"  
  
"We were," Shinji answered. "But Touji got hungry."  
  
"Oh, sure, blame the subordinate." Touji watched Kensuke's monitor from over his shoulder. "Yoo-hoo! Kensuke, you in there?"  
  
Yoshi shook his head. "No use, he's in some kind of Zen trance with that stuff."  
  
Touji grumbled. "Man, you guys really get stuck with the dull work. So you coming to lunch, or what?"  
  
Kensuke finally stopped. The others looked at him. He remained completely still for a moment, and then hit a single key.  
  
"I've found it," he announced.  
  
"What?" Yoshi stood up and crossed the room over to him. "You've followed the spy's trail?" He leaned over Kensuke's other shoulder.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Touji asked. "I can't read any of this crap."  
  
Shinji joined them as they all stared at the monitor. It flashed through several screens of data. "What does it say he was trying to find?"  
  
"He tried to delete something," Kensuke said. "But he didn't. He set up a series of electronic footprints and data codes. He left a trail for us to find what he was looking for. He wanted to show us something."  
  
"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he sabotage us, then?" Touji's stomach grumbled. "Man, this thing had better hurry up, I'm starving."  
  
"Do you ever stop thinking with your stomach?" Yoshi asked.  
  
"Only when Hikari's over," Kensuke said without looking away from the monitor. His eyes went wide. "Is that…?"  
  
"A secret file on the personnel of NERV's former Intelligence Department," Yoshi read the screen. Several dossiers flashed by. The computer set aside two, and displayed the commands the spy used to access them. One had the picture of the saboteur on it, revealing his identity and history. Alongside him was the dossier of Richard Keel, son of the chairman of SEELE. His photo was that of Osamu Kitari.  
  
The four of them stared mutely at the screen, until Touji said, "Holy shit. Kitari's a mole?"  
  
"Yoshi," Shinji said, "Call Misato."  
  
Yoshi stood and went over to his desk.  
  
"Shinji? What's going on?" All of them turned to see Asuka standing in the doorway, shopping bags in either hand. Her expression seemed distant and pained.  
  
"It's Kitari. He's been lying to us." He paused. "What's wrong?"  
  
She hesitated. "Something's happened. It's Rei, she's…"  
  
He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Asuka, what's wrong?"  
  
"Damn it!" Yoshi's swear drew their attention. He slammed the phone down. "The line to Misato's office has been cut. I'm calling Security. You guys go find her, Kensuke and I will stay here and save this data."  
  
Before anyone could reply, the alarm went off.  
  
***  
  
There was a knock at Misato's door. She glanced up from her paperwork briefly to wonder why no one warned her that someone wanted to see her, and why the sign on her door that threatened death to all who disturbed her was being ignored.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
Kitari opened the door, wearing his usual smile. "Good afternoon, Commander Katsuragi. I was hoping to have a few minutes of your time."  
  
"Mr. Kitari. If you're here about the security report, I've already sent the files to your…" She stopped when she spotted the gun in his hand. It was small, with a silencer attached to the end of it: an assassin's weapon. "What is this?"  
  
He raised the gun and kept it pointed at her. "As I said, Commander, I wish for a few minutes of your time. They'll be our last minutes alive. Well, they'll be the last minutes for everyone on the planet, but I thought it would be nice if we spent them together."  
  
She started to reach for the phone on her desk. There was a pop, and it exploded in a hail of plastic and metal. She flinched back, and then slowly looked up at him.  
  
"That was a warning. If you reach for the gun in your desk, I will have to kill you. And I would very much hate for you to miss what I have in store."  
  
Misato frowned, then slowly raised her hand and rose from her seat. "What's this about?"  
  
He gestured out the door. "Come along. I'll show you. To the control room, if you would."  
  
She left the office, Kitari following behind her. Everyone stopped and stared, and within seconds security personnel were blocking their path. Misato ordered them to stand down, keeping her face and voice calm the entire time. No one else was to be alerted. The last thing they needed was the entire GeoFront in a panic, and the last thing she wanted to do was put Shinji or any of the others in Kitari's sights. He would defiantly shoot them before he shot her. The security guards still followed them, but no one made a move against Kitari. They proceeded all the way to the command center. The operators started to rise, but again Misato ordered everyone to remain calm. No one was to call Dr. Iwano or Lieutenant Ikari. Reluctantly, they took their seats.  
  
Misato stood facing the large screen, Kitari's gun still pointed into her back.  
  
"Well, I don't see anything. This is rather a disappointment, Kitari. So who are you? I didn't think the UN kept assassins, but then things might have changed since they saw my last budget request."  
  
"I'm glad you're taking this with a light spirit, Commander. If you have to know, my name was never Osamu Kitari. My family name is Keel. I was the son of the chairmen of SEELE, and one of Gendo Ikari's intelligence operatives when he ran NERV." There was a moment of silence. "This surprises you? Good. Then it will not be much of a surprise when I tell you I knew all about Ikari's plans for Instrumentality, and the Angels. I knew of my father's own plans for NERV. They were both men that wanted to change the world. My father wanted to control it. Ikari wanted to free it. I was hoping that Instrumentality would be an end. An end to pain, to love, to death. An oblivion, pure and complete."  
  
"Then what the hell do you think you're going to accomplish by holding me hostage, Kitari, or Keel, or whatever your name is? Instrumentality failed, why don't you get over it."  
  
"Ah, I'm surprised you haven't gotten it yet, Commander. You see, I also knew how SEELE found the Angels, and how to wake them up. Even the ones that were just cast offs. I found the remains of the Angels. I'm the one who revived them. See for yourself."  
  
The Magi signaled an alarm, and a picture appeared on the screen. The Angel that had disappeared suddenly from the last battle, and vanished Shinji off to Hokkaido, marched toward Tokyo 3.  
  
Maya looked up from her panel. "Oh my God… Commander, the Angel, it's pattern…"  
  
"Commander, there's something attached to the Angel," Shigeru said.  
  
"Show me."  
  
The screen changed, moving in on the Angel. As it lurched forward with each step, a tiny figure could be seen on its forehead. The screen closed in again to reveal the figure. It was Rei, her limbs sunk into the Angel's flesh. Her head fell forward, her eyes closed. There was a hole in her blouse, revealing her belly, as if something had burned through the fabric. She appeared unharmed, except for her grotesque bondage.  
  
"Commander," Maya continued. "The Angel's pattern is getting stronger."  
  
"Go on, Katsuragi," Kitari said. "It doesn't matter if they try to stop it. It's already too late."  
  
"Deploy the Evas."  
  
***  
  
"I never should have let her go. Oh my god, Shinji…" Asuka watched the monitor in the cockpit of Unit 02. Her worst nightmares were unfolding in front of her. First Shinji, then Rei. She could feel herself bordering on rage at their plight.  
  
"Asuka," Shinji's voice kept her pulled in. "Stop blaming yourself. We're going to get her back. You have to be clear, Asuka."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"You ready, Touji?"  
  
"Just let me at this thing."  
  
"Eva Units 01, 02, and 03, launch."  
  
They braced themselves as the Evangelions rocketed through the launch tubes. Their weapons were sent up beside them. Shinji reached out and pulled out the rifle that was sent up with him. Touji took a large spear, a cable attached to the bottom of it. Asuka drew her own rifle and armed it. They stood quietly, waiting for the Angel to come within sight.  
  
It rounded the mountains on the edge of the city, and looked directly at them.  
  
I see you have been waiting for me, Children of Lillith. Good.  
  
Even from their distance, they clearly heard its words echo in their minds.  
  
"Misato? Dr. Iwano? Somebody answer!"  
  
Yoshi skidded to a halt in the central control room. He stared at the spectacle of Kitari holding a gun to Misato's back as Shinji tried to get their attention.  
  
"Is everything all right down there? Why isn't anyone answering?"  
  
"I'm here, Shinji," Misato said. "It'll be all right. Go save Rei."  
  
"Welcome to the show, Dr. Iwano," Kitari smiled over at him.  
  
"Misato…" Yoshi slowly reached his hand towards his coat.  
  
"Yoshi, don't. I know who he is."  
  
His hand stopped. "Keel, I know, too. Kensuke broke through the data."  
  
"Then you know if you try anything I will kill her. And I really don't wish to do that, Dr. Iwano. I want you all to see it. I want you to witness what should have happened four years ago."  
  
"Dr. Iwano!" Shinji's voice came through over the com.  
  
"I'm here, Shinji. What do you need?"  
  
"I need you to load the Saber. Launch it through platform J-3."  
  
Yoshi briefly looked up at the monitor of Shinji incredulously. "What? We haven't even tested the thing yet. What are you thinking?"  
  
"Just do it!"  
  
"All right, all right."  
  
Kitari pulled the hammer back on the gun and pressed it to the back of Misato's skull. "You're not going anywhere, Dr. Iwano."  
  
He stared hard at Kitari. "I'll send it up as soon as possible."  
  
"What's going on down there? Was that Keel?"  
  
"Yoshi will have it as soon as he can, Shinji," Misato's voice stayed calm. "Trust me.   
Just hurry."  
  
There was a moment of grim silence. "All right."  
"Something's defiantly wrong about this whole thing." Touji frowned.  
  
"I know. But we can't do anything about that, now." He looked from Unit 03 to 02, then   
to the Angel. It was advancing, slowly, moving much more slowly than it had before. It didn't seemed weakened, but now more… deliberate, sure. Its face was split by a jagged grin of square teeth. Now it looked less like an Eva. The muscles of it's limbs were taut and defined with almost grotesque detail, as though it's skin had been pulled tightly over it. The armor was changed, as well, with jagged, sharp edges emerging from it's shoulders and joints.  
  
"We just have to focus on this. Asuka?"  
  
"I'm ready."  
  
"All right, let's go."  
  
They charged, firing. Touji raced forward and then stopped. He pulled his arm back and hurled the spear. The bullets exploded against the Angel's AT field, causing the air to shimmer.  
  
You can no longer stop me, demons.  
  
The spear passed through the AT field, aimed perfectly for the Angel's torso. With a slight gesture of it's arm, it snatched the spear from the air exactly before it would have struck.  
  
"Aw, you're fucking kidding me!" Touji drew his pistol.  
  
Units 01 and 02 skidded to a halt, still firing. The bullets failed to penetrate it's AT field. They threw their rifles down as they ran out of ammo.  
  
"Why the hell is it just standing there?"  
  
I was waiting for you to finish.  
  
They froze for a second, disoriented by its response. The air around it shimmered as it pulled it's AT field tight around its body, and then released it, like a rubber band. The force of its field flew out in all directions around it, slamming into the Evangelions. They were thrown off their feet, crashing into the ground. The field flattened buildings as it slammed into them, and tore pavement from the earth. The Angel then turned the spear in its hand, and hurled it through the air.  
  
Asuka shook the fog from her head, and looked up to see the spear sail through the air. It was aimed at Unit 1.  
  
"Shinji! Look out!"  
  
Unit 01 rolled to the side just in time to avoid being impaled. The spear sank into the ground with a loud chunk, next to his head.  
  
Unit 03 pushed itself to its feet. "Damn it!" Touji leveled his pistol. "This is   
pathetic!" He fired, but the bullets only hit the AT field.  
  
"Touji! Be careful, we don't want to hurt Rei."  
  
"We can't even touch the damn thing, Shinji!"  
  
"Expand your AT fields, before it tries that again."  
  
It doesn't matter.  
  
The Angel continued to march forward.  
  
Fight me all you want. I have the mother and the father, now. We are reunited. This world will end. Purpose is oblivion, devils. Don't you realize that, yet?  
  
Touji growled. "Ah, shut up, you stupid monster!"  
  
Shinji pulled the spear out of the ground. "Touji, catch!" He tossed it back to Unit 03, who caught it with one hand, then drew his knife. "Mistao, where's the Saber? Misato, come in!"  
  
As Unit 02 drew it's own knife, the Angel stopped again, and leaned forward a little, wrapping it's arms around its stomach.   
  
"We can't wait, it's going to attack again. You guys aim low, I'll get Rei."  
  
Units 01 and 03 set themselves ready. "Right."  
  
As they charged forward, the Angel's body began to shudder. It's AT field shimmered around it again, the pattern it made in the air warping and changing.  
  
I… am taking him into me… the father… and the mother… I am she, I am he. I am Purpose.  
  
Rips opened up in it's back, and wings sprouted from the flesh. Blood fountained over it's torso, thick red blood that stained it's skin. The wings were shimmering, insectile things, cascading with skeins of light. The Angel threw it's head back and screamed at the Evas reached it.  
  
The Evas didn't stop. They continued their charge, even as the changes ravaged the Angel's body. Unit 02 leapt high into the air. Unit 03 took the Angel's right side, aiming his spear for the monster's chest. Unit 01 brought his knife around in a wide arc for it's throat.  
  
The spear drove home into the Angel, forcing it back. The point emerged from it's back with a spurt of gore. It screamed and grabbed the haft, pushing against Unit 03 might as Touji tried to drive the spear further. It raised one arm and grabbed Unit 01's wrist, stopping the knife from stabbing into it. It's grip tightened on Unit 01's arm. Shinji could feel the bones of his Eva being crushed. He grit his teeth to keep from screaming, and slammed a fist down on the Angel's arm, trying to break it's grasp. Touji continued to try and drive the spear fully through, but the Angel was holding it in place with a single arm.  
  
Unit 02 landed on the Angel's shoulders, forcing it to let go. Shinji and Touji jumped back as Unit 02 slammed the Angel onto its back with her feet. She doubled over it's head, and saw Rei, still unconscious, partially embedded in the flesh of the Angel's head.  
  
"Rei! Rei, you've got to wake up! Rei, can't you hear me? Wake up!"  
Rei! Rei, you've got to wake up! Rei, can't you hear me? Wake up!  
  
She opened her eyes. She was lying on a cold, familiar table. The entire room was blue, from a dim light hanging somewhere above her out of her sight. Water dripped. She turned her head to see a beaker of water sitting on a countertop nearby. She knew this place.  
  
"Rei, wake up."  
  
She heard her voice. She sat up, and realized she was bare, except for the thin white sheet covering her. She let it drop, despite the cold of the table sending shivers over her skin. She didn't mind the cold, since it let her know she was alive. She looked around for the source of the voice.  
  
"Over here."  
  
She turned to a door on the far side of the room. She knew what this place was, and what was behind there.  
  
"No," she said. "This isn't real."  
  
"Of course it's real." Her voice came from right next to her. A familiar hand-her hand, but belonging to another-grabbed her arm and pinned it behind her back. She winced from the pain, feeling the muscles in her shoulder bend. She felt her reflection's breath on the back of her neck. "It's always been real, Rei. I've always been real. You accepted me, once. You remember, don't you? That's why they always talked to you, instead of the others. That's why the Angels loved you and hated you, because they love and hate me. Just as I hate and love all things, just as God hates and loves all things, you loved me and hated me, but you accepted me. Now look at you. You're such a waste."  
  
Rei bent her other arm around her back to grab the reflection by the root of it's hairs. She grit her teeth to try and block out the pain as the grip tightened on her arm.  
  
"Let go of me." She dug her fingernails into the scalp.  
  
The reflection snarled, an inhuman sound, and pushed her forward off the table. She fell, catching herself with her arms. She quickly stood to her feet and turned. The reflection sat on the edge of the table, as bare skinned as she, legs crossed, watching her with a strange kind of malice and joy. Wings had sprouted from its back, the same shimmering wings held up by arms of purple and red that she'd seen before in her vision.  
  
The reflection tilted her… it's head. It smiled and giggled a little. "I'm sorry, did you hurt yourself?"  
  
Rei looked around, then back to the reflection, all the time not looking at the door. "Why did you create this? Why not Central Dogma, or the vision of Lillith?"  
  
It frowned. "Because this is where you were born. Don't you get it? I wanted to enjoy the sense of irony this place absolutely reeks of. Hypocrisy, pain, loneliness, and despair: these are the things you and I are made up of, Rei. They are the reasons you were created. That's why you hated living. But you know that already, of course."  
It hopped off the table and walked over to her. She could smell blood. She looked, and saw a trial of it following the reflection. Blood dripped from the backside of it's form. It noticed her eyes, and turned and looked back, at the same time displaying the gashes in it's back formed from the wings, with great smears of blood running down.  
  
"Oh, don't mind that. I'm just… shedding your skin." It grinned at her.  
  
"I already told you that you couldn't fool me with all of this, Adam. It's just a damn lie. You're nothing but the remains of one man's lie. You try so hard to make me believe I'm the waste. I'm a human being. That's more than even you have, Adam. You're not even an Angel. You're less than a beast."  
  
It growled again, and lashed out with a hand. The strike was backed by strength far greater than its frame implied, and Rei flew off her feet, crashing into the floor again. She felt warm, salty blood fill her mouth. She immediately spit it out, and tried to force her aching limbs to move her back away from it. Before she could get far, the reflection stood over her. It reached down and wrapped it's fingers around her neck, then lifted her up to her feet. She tried to put her feet under her. It grinned at her, and then pulled her close and kissed her hard. She could taste its spit and blood mingle with hers as it shoved its tongue into her mouth. She tried to pull her face away, but it's grip on her neck tightened, holding her in place.  
  
Finally, satisfied, it pulled back from her, and licked it's tongue along her cheek, leaving a red smear.  
  
"All right, then. Come and we'll see. We'll see who's the waste when I destroy everything you give a damn about."  
  
It dragged her towards those doors as they opened.  
  
Asuka raised her knife. "Rei, I said wake up!"  
  
Shinji saw the Angel's body move. "Asuka, look out!"  
  
It was too late. The Angel's head tilted up at her, and a beam of energy lanced from it's open mouth, hitting Unit 02 directly in the chest. Asuka screamed as the beam burned into her Eva and threw it off of the Angel.  
  
"Asuka!"  
  
Unit 01 started to move towards her, but the Angel was immediately rising. It raised it's neck and screamed, another beam of energy erupting from its mouth. It struck Units 01 and 03's AT fields, the air burning around them. The force was still too great, throwing both of them back yet again. The Angel climbed to it's feet, and slammed a kick into Unit 02's ribs, sending her flying through the air over 01 and 03, landing in a heap on the other side of them.  
  
It laughed.  
  
I told you! I told you! You cannot stop Purpose now!  
  
It moved past them, leaving them lying in pain. It moved out towards the center of Tokyo 2, and then stopped. It's fingers twisted and swelled, and grew into large talons. Then it raised them above it's head, and brought them down, tearing through the steel superstructure that separated Tokyo 2 from the GeoFront.  
"What the hell is it doing?" Yoshi watched the screen in horror.  
  
"It's coming here," Kitari said with a grin. "It wants to come down to where all this started, just like the others. It seems they are not without a sense of irony, wouldn't you agree, Katsuragi?"  
  
Misato struggled to ignore him. "What's happening to the pilots?"  
  
"Unit 02 has suffered severe trauma. Life signs are holding. Units 01 and 03 are immobile. We can't get a connection through to them!"  
  
"Commander, the Angel is currently trying to tear a hole through straight to the GeoFront!"  
  
"Damn it…"  
  
"Feeling the pressure, Commander? There's nothing you can do but accept it. This is the end."  
  
"You know something, Keel?" Misato turned around to face him. "I'm really getting sick of your prattling bullshit. Just shoot him already!"  
  
Kitari's eyes widened for a moment, expecting the gunshot that came from Misato's order to originate with one of the security officers. A bullet tore through his hand, coming from Yoshi's direction. The force threw the gun from his hand as he fell, clutching his hand. He didn't cry out, he was trained to ignore physical pain. It was the shock of defeat, even this temporal slight, that made him clutch his hand and crumple to the floor. He turned his head to see a young man, one of Shinji's friends, what was his name? Kensuke? He stood against the corner of the doorway into the control room, a smoking pistol in his hand.  
  
A second later, the security team had him pinned beneath knees, elbows, and batons, with his face ground into the floor. Misato nodded with satisfaction, and bent down to pick up the gun from the floor. She clicked the safety on, and tossed it to Yoshi.  
  
"Here. Go get that weapon launched."  
  
He nodded and left hurriedly.  
  
Misato turned to the security team. "Get him out of here," then to the operators, "And keep trying to get a channel open! This isn't over, damn it!"  
  
The security team quickly left with Kitari in tow. Misato looked to the screen to see the Evas pushing themselves to their feet. She smiled to herself. She knew they wouldn't go down so easily. They'd never let that happen.  
  
She looked to Kensuke, who was still frozen. "Kensuke? Hey, you all right?"  
  
He chuckled nervously, and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I think… I'm really getting into this marksmanship thing." He suddenly felt very dizzy.  
  
"Kensuke, breathe, please. And put the gun down."  
Shinji flipped his Eva over, and looked up. "Asuka? Touji? Are you guys all right?"  
  
There was a small groan, and then Asuka yelled. "This has absolutely been the worst day ever! I swear I'm going to so kill that bastard!"  
  
"For once," Touji added, "I agree with her."  
  
"It's still got the spear in it. Reel it in, Touji."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Unit 03 leapt to its feet as Unit 01 and 02 stood up. He ran over to the port where the spear's cable emerged, and hit the console on it. There was a brief whirring, and then the cable started to contract.  
  
The Angel didn't get the chance to look up before the cable tightened and pulled it off it's feet. It flew through the air, pulled by the spear's cable, and crashed into the console at Unit 03's feet.  
  
Touji grinned down at it. "Hi there."  
  
Unit 03's fist came down on the Angel's chest. Touji proceeded to unleash five years of anger and fear with his Eva's fists. The Angel screamed and slashed upward with its talons. A spray of Angel blood and Evangelion armor filled the air before the Angel finally threw Touji off with a tremendous blow to the side of the head.  
  
"Touji! Are you all right?"  
  
Unit 03 wobbled, skidding across the ground briefly as it was thrown on its side from the blow.  
  
"Ow," Touji groaned. "I think it knocked some teeth loose."  
  
"Misato! Yoshi! Come in! We need more ammo!"  
  
Misato's voice finally came through. "Shinji? Yoshi's got it on the way right now!"  
  
"Asuka, still have your knife?"  
  
Unit 02 gripped the hilt. "Yeah, I've still got it. I'll get her out, this time."  
  
The Angel stood to its feet, and pulled the spear from it's gut. It tossed it aside, and turned to Units 01 and 02.  
  
I have underestimated you for the last time, demons. If you so desperately desire to the sacrifices of oblivion, then so be it.  
The doors opened to reveal the room where the clones were stored, just as she knew it would be. The reflection threw her forward into the ground. Rei landed hard, scraping the skin of her limbs. She spit out more blood.  
  
"Take a look, Rei."  
  
She looked as she started to stand. It wasn't the dolls, as she was expecting. On the glass walls played her memories. Memories of her youth and her deaths, of fighting the angels, of her dreams and her conversations, all played out in a fractured miasma.  
  
"Take a good look, Rei. All this is your experience. Your pain and joy and hope. Look at it, how fragile it is. It's all going to disappear."  
  
The images changed, flickering like candlelight, to reveal the floating, mutilated dolls floating in their tanks. The windows flickered between the dolls and her memories.  
  
"Look at it. All your life you were just a doll for someone else. For the past four years, do you really think you've been free? Do you? You were never free! None of you were! I have always been there, Rei! Just under the surface, lurking. That's why you could never really express yourself, because you knew I was there, waiting to jump out at your precious friends, your loved ones. You would never want to have to act on your desire for your own brother, or for his lover. Your friends. People you love and hate at the same time. I know you, Rei. You claim I'm full of lies, but I know you! I've sat in here, alone, watching you!"  
  
It was screaming at her. She turned around, and looked at it. It's face was red with anger, eyes bloodshot. The blood leaked from the corners of it's eyes and covered it's pale skin.  
  
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Rei walked closer to it. "Look at you, Adam. It's just as you said. You know me. That's why you hate me. You look at me and see how human I am, that's it, isn't it? Because this is just how humans are, Adam. Look at my memories of Instrumentality. I didn't just sit there joined with Lillith. I went through it with them, with all of Humanity."  
  
She reached out and put a calming hand against it's cheek.  
  
"Unity and oblivion are the same thing for me, Rei," it said. "Loss of the individual. That's what you hate now, isn't it? That's why you and Shinji stopped our purpose, our Instrumentality. Because you were selfish and didn't want anyone else to live without pain and fear and hate."  
  
"That's not life, Adam. That's death."  
  
"Why don't you want to die?" It looked up at her, blood tears flowing down it's face. "Why, Rei? Why can't you die? I want to. I want to die."  
  
"That's because you're an Angel. I'm not. I am a human being."  
  
It pulled its lips back over its teeth and screamed at her. "Aaargh! You little bitch!"  
  
It backhanded her again, sending her flying back. She slammed into the window, and it shattered as she fell down to her knees. Glass rained down and littered the ground around her with large, blue and red shards.  
  
It walked towards her, heaving and crying. "Don't you get it? That's why we hate you! Because we know what you are! Because we look at you and cannot stand to see your pain! We just want to release you from it, that's all. Just like Ikari did, just like you did. Can't you understand that, Rei? Can't you? It's already happening. I'm changing, flowing into this Angel, this empty vessel. I'm filling it. You can see it in me. I'm changing, it's changing. Everything changes. Everything dies."  
  
Rei kept her eyes down away from it, her fingers crawling along the ground. The skin slipped over a shard of glass. She dug her nails under it and lifted it into her palm. It bit into her skin, but she ignored the pain and the blood.  
  
"Yes, everything does. But humans will not. Not today. Because they mean too much to me. Because I love them. I love my friends."  
  
The reflection rolled it's eyes as it stood over her, it's hands changing into claws. "Oh, God, pathetic! I'm sick of this. I should just kill you and get it over with!"  
  
As it raised a taloned hand, Rei rose, like a blue haired lightning bolt, and slammed the shard into it's breast. Blood flowed out in a rose around the shard as Rei pushed it in deeper. The reflection froze, it's eyes going wide. It shuddered.  
  
"I'll never let you hurt them again. Never. Leave them alone. And leave me alone, forever."  
  
Adam dropped to her knees before Rei, looking up at her. It smiled, slightly, then fell over dead.  
Rei opened her eyes. Her whole body shuddered, but felt constrained and immobile. She looked around… What was this? Tokyo 3… above it? Moving around? She looked down, and then her mind quickly began to catch up, and her memories flooded back into her. She looked up and saw Units 01 and 02.  
  
"Ikari! Asuka!"  
  
"Rei!" Shinji braced himself. "Yoshi, where's the Saber?"  
  
Misato's voice came over the com. "Here it comes, Shinji!"  
  
The weapon port he was standing next to opened up, and a solid white block, topped with a hilt rose up out of the ground. Unit 01 grabbed the hilt, and the white block opened up. He drew a large metal sword, it's blade curving back.  
  
"All right, get ready, Asuka. Touji, grab the spear!"  
  
"Got it!" Unit 03 was already on it's feet. He reached forward and picked the spear up off the ground. He rushed at the Angel with the spear raised, and slammed the weapon through it's chest, impaling it a second time. "Now hold still, you bastard!"  
  
"Asuka, now!" Unit 01 rushed forward, with Unit 02 right behind him.  
  
The Angel didn't grab the spear. It just screamed, as if whatever was preventing from feeling the pain before was gone. It's body shuddered, locked in place. Unit 01 swung the sword, bringing it down on the Angel's shoulder. Unit 02 lashed out with a hand and drove it's fingers into the flesh of the Angel's head. They closed around Rei and pulled her from the flesh with a sick, wet slurp. Unit 02 leapt back, and Unit 01 drove the sword down. The Angel screamed as it was being torn apart. It raised it's head to the sky, and light erupted from it's eyes and mouth. The scream rang in their heads with the power of a billion screams, it grew so loud it threatened to consume the world. Asuka shielded Rei with Unit 02, as the light and sound grew brighter. There was an explosion as the Angel died, rocking the Evangelions.  
Everyone in the control room covered their eyes. The light didn't have the mercy of scrambling the cameras; instead it was trying to blind them. Finally, it cleared away. Misato pulled her arm away, and looked up at the screen. The Angel was gone, and the Evas stood motionless.  
  
"Commander, the Angel appears to be destroyed."  
  
"Shinji? Come in, Shinji? Asuka? Touji?"  
  
The Evas moved, starting to stand upright. "Yeah, we're here, Misato. It's done."  
  
The entire command room cheered. Misato let out a breath of relief. "And Rei?"  
  
Unit 02 turned to the camera and held up a hand. Rei sat on the Eva's outstretched palm, her knees pulled up to her chest, and waved.  
  
"Don't worry, Misato. I've got Wonder Girl right here, safe and sound."  
  
"We… we did it, right?" Touji said. "I can't hear a hell of a lot. Can't any of them just go quietly?"  
  
"Yes, Touji, we did it," Shinji answered him.  
  
"All right!"  
  
Asuka winced. "Ow! Damn it, Touji! Not so loud! My ears still hurt!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ow! Damn it, that's it. I'm gonna get you!" She suddenly winced at the volume of her own voice.  
  
***  
  
Rei stood on the balcony of the Three Stooge's apartment while the celebration happened inside. They had to wait a day to hold it, after everything that had to be done with Keel, and there was the UN's apology for letting a mole slip past their background checks. Half the city was once again being rebuilt, as usual, and it left Misato and Shinji swamped with reports and claims to fill out. Rei didn't think about any of that. She leaned against the rail and started out at the city, smiling. She thought about how good she felt for the first time in many weeks.  
  
"Don't ask me again," she said without turning around. "I already told you I'm fine, big brother."  
  
Shinji walked out onto the balcony and stood next to her. "I wasn't going to, I swear."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"You're really enjoying ribbing me, aren't you? Asuka giving you lessons, or something?"  
  
She grinned. "Or something."  
  
"So what are you doing out here?"  
  
"Just… enjoying life. I'm still a little new at it."  
  
"You're not new at it, Rei. You're just…" He stopped, and let it go. "You are different since the other day. What happened? I mean… you really were joined with that Angel? And Adam?"  
  
She stared out at the glittering night of the city. "I was, yes. I saw them for what the truly were."  
  
"And… what was that?"  
  
"A lot like us. So very human." She looked down at her hands. "But also so full of despair and hate. They didn't have the benefit of facing themselves like we're capable of. They were defined by purpose, and without it, they couldn't grow. They couldn't cast off the things they don't need. That's what led to their destruction."  
  
Shinji stared at her, then smiled. "So you really are going to be okay, aren't you, Sis?"  
  
She smiled back at him. "Of course I am."  
  
"That's what you think!" Asuka grabbed Shinji's waist from behind. She nuzzled her face into Shinji's back, already red with alcohol. She looked at Rei. "I'm gonna kick your pale butt sooo badly for running off like that and scaring the hell out of us!"  
  
Rei laughed softly. "I'm sorry, Asuka. But it was something I had to do."  
  
"Excuses, excuses. You still scared the hell out of us. Just because I'm getting drunk doesn't mean I won't be able to kick your butt later."  
  
"Then why haven't you yet?" Shinji turned in her arms and wrapped his back around her.  
  
"Because…" She leaned up and whispered in his ear. Rei covered her grin with her mouth when she saw Shinji's expression. Asuka kissed him. "And you know I don't make idle threats."  
  
"You two love each other so much it's almost frightening," Rei said. She stood up   
straight and walked back inside.  
  
"Oh yeah? Well Kensuke's been looking at your ass all night!" Asuka followed after her, pulling Shinji along.  
  
Gathered around the table were Kensuke, who almost spit the beer he was drinking when he heard Asuka. Touji and Hikari sat beside him, and Touji laughed at his expense.  
  
"Geez, man! You're supposed to drink it!"  
  
"This coming from the guy I have to drag out of the bathroom at the end of a party," Hikari said.  
  
"Hey," Yoshi looked up from his newspaper, "They say it's snowing in Europe."  
  
"Really?" Asuka sat down with Shinji and Rei. "What does that mean?"  
  
"Maybe the seasons are finally returning," Misato said. "Wouldn't that be something."  
  
"If that's true, I've got to take you guys to Germany for Christmas!" Asuka declared. "Finally I can show you Japanese how a holiday should be celebrated! And Yoshi, why are you reading that thing? This is a party! Celebrate, damn it!"  
  
"Actually I was trying to avoid going home in the same condition I did last time we celebrated…" he put the paper aside and gave Shinji and Touji a dark look.  
  
"It was his idea," Touji pointed at Shinji.  
  
"It was not!"  
  
"You're the superior officer! Take some responsibility!"  
  
While they argued, Pen Pen peeked over the table, looked around, and grabbed Touji's beer. It started to make a break for it just as Touji noticed.  
  
"Hey! Give that back, you damn penguin!" Touji leaped from his chair, only to miss as he crashed into the floor.  
A few hours passed before anyone started to leave. Only Misato and Yoshi actually left. Yoshi helped Misato down to her apartment.  
  
"You know, you didn't actually drink that much."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I didn't feel the need. They're still young. They'll regret it later."  
  
"Still young? Come on, you're not old enough to be talking like that yet."  
  
"Says you." She laughed as she opened the door. "Yikes. If I'm not careful I'm going to start sounding like Ritsuko used to."  
  
"No, I don't think you will, Misato. Ever."  
  
She turned to him. "Thanks, Yoshi."  
  
He paused, watching her for a moment, and then spoke before he could think to stop the words. "Hey, Misato, some time after work, you think we could…"  
  
Misato leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "How about we help each other pick up good dates?" She smiled at him  
  
Yoshi was surprised he didn't feel hurt. He looked back at Misato for a moment, before smiling and nodded. "Yeah. You're a friend." And he meant it. "I'll see you at work tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah. Good night, Yoshi."  
  
"G'night, Misato." He closed the door as he left.  
Shinji sat on the floor of the balcony, Asuka leaning back in his lap, looking up. "It's kind of hard to believe that it's over," he spoke his thoughts aloud. "You spend so much time fighting, you start to feel as though it's only a matter of time before something else happens. Something else that will make you worry."  
  
Asuka nudged his ribs with her elbow. "Shut up. You're ruining the moment, Lieutenant."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
She nudged him again. "Cut it out." She sighed, and eased back against him. "It's really beautiful, isn't it? I mean, the view's better from the hill, but this is still nice."  
  
"Yeah, it is." He heard Kensuke and Rei snoring in the living room. Touji and Hikari had already gone to bed in Touji's room. "So do we leave them in the living room, or drag Kensuke to his room?"  
  
"They'll be fine. Rei sleeps on the couch so much she practically lives there, anyway."  
  
He chuckled. "I remember she said we were turning into slobs, once."  
  
"Feh. Are not. I work very hard to stay in shape, thank you."  
  
"You aren't worried at all, are you?"  
  
"Nope. You?"  
  
Shinji was silent for a moment as he thought about it. "No. I'm not. I've got you guys. My friends. And I've got myself. Same thing. And nothing'll ever take that away."  
  
Asuka nuzzled her head into his shoulder. "I love you, you cute pain in the butt."  
  
"I love you too, Asuka." Shinji pulled his arms across her. A cool breeze blew past their heads. He looked up and saw something flit through the air. It came to settle on the edge of the balcony. He reached up and carefully picked it up, turning it over in his hands. It was a red leaf, the kind that used to appear when the country had seasons, and all the leaves of the trees would change colors. He studied it for a moment, then held it up, and let it sail back into the breeze. Things changed, and yet they still endured.  
  
The End  
  
Author's Notes:   
  
"I cry when angels deserve to die!"  
-- System of a Down, "Chop Suey"  
  
Nearly a year and a half after I'd written chapter seven, I have finally finished the final installment of Neon Genesis Evangelion: Seraphim! And I still haven't come up with a better name! Despite popular belief, I am not dead, and no, I did not give up. Let's just say I was on a mental hiatus. In laymen's terms, we call this slacking. But this will be a testament to the end of my slacking ways!! For the most part. I hope anyone who manages to find interest in this enjoys this last chapter as much as they enjoyed the other chapters. This was truly a work of fanship, and I tried to keep this fanfiction representation of how I feel the post-Instrumentality NGE could have developed as close to the existentialist ideas expressed in the final two episodes of the series as possible. I also really enjoyed exploring the Angels, and please, no fan-nicks kill me over the whole Rei/Lillith/Adam thing. And I did finally decide that the Misato/Yoshi thing was a bust, and probably for the best, which is what they both realized. In closing, I'd like to thank my girlfriend Roo for her support, Kaworu Nagisa for his excellent site Second Impact (who was kind enough not to take down my other chapters despite my long silence), Blue Oyster Cult, Monster Magnet, Rage Against the Machine, Rob Zombie, and Tool for lyrical support, the good people at Gainax and Hideaki Anno for giving us the NGE anime television series (except for the movies, which I barely acknowledge as existing), and of course to all the people who subjected themselves to this fanfiction and it's monstrously long final chapter. Thank you all for coming! Good night!! 


End file.
